Lost In Stereo
by lolitarun
Summary: Higher Ground-inspired AU. Blaine's spent years running from his father's expectations, until the courts get involved. But when he's sent to a school for troubled teenagers, will his whole world be turned upside down? Rating for language & triggers?
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So yes, I'm starting another story (because I'm horrible about doing things like this!). I've literally written the first 3 chapters in the last 48 hours, because the ideas are just flowing like crazy – although it's at least partially because I've been watching "Higher Ground" pretty much constantly. If you haven't seen the show, you should definitely check it out. It's sort of the inspiration for this particular AU.**

Blaine already didn't like this place one bit. He'd been strip-searched, given a full medical examination, and thoroughly questioned about everything he'd done in the past six months. Which wasn't exactly easy to recall, given how much of that time he'd spent either living on the streets or getting so loaded he couldn't think straight.

The fact that he'd broken into his dad's liquor cabinet before they'd left that morning really wasn't helping things. It wasn't enough that anyone would notice the whiskey missing – just enough to make being stuck in a car with his dad for two hours a little bit more bearable. It was the only thing that took the edge off enough for Blaine to actually deal with the man, because it dulled the pain caused by the man's biting words every time they were together.

"Blaine? I'm Ian, the medical director here at Mountainview Academy." Blaine looked up, raising an eyebrow at the blonde man that had walked into the room.

"I thought the term medical director implied doctor." Blaine crossed his arms as the man laughed at his comment.

"I _am_ a doctor… but we aren't formal here. You'll know all of the staff by first names, including the medical staff," the man replied. "We're here to help you, Blaine. That's why every single staff member came here – to help kids like you learn better ways to deal with their problems. Not alcohol, or drugs, or delinquent behavior."

Blaine scoffed. "I don't have a problem…"

"You're a runaway, Blaine. You've run more times than you can count. And if your blood alcohol content is any indication, you're an alcoholic."

"Ten. I've run ten times. And every fucking time he's called the cops and had me brought back."

"It's because he cares, Blaine." Blaine rolled his eyes, shaking his head and sighing.

"It's because he's afraid of admitting he fucked up." Blaine ignored the way the man shook his head, turning back to his clipboard and clicking his pen.

"That's something you can discuss in therapy or group. For now, we need to talk about your alcohol use and what detoxification is going to entail," Ian replied. "How much have you had to drink today?"

"You tested my blood… pretty sure you can take a guess at that."

"I want you to tell me. And I want you to be honest, because it's going to be a lot more bearable if you tell me the truth about your alcohol use so that I can medicate you appropriately… because your detox is going to be hell, no matter what."

"Whiskey. Three or four… just enough to take the edge off."

"That's taking the edge off?" Ian asked. Blaine shrugged. "How old were you when you started drinking?"

"Twelve. I think. It was around the time… around the time I came out. I just… I needed to take the edge off, to toughen up because my dad wouldn't _shut up_ about it. About how much of a fuck up I was. I just… I couldn't take it." Blaine watched as Ian scribbled notes on his clipboard. "What are you writing?"

"Just notes about what you're telling me… things I need to remember so that I can make sure we get you properly medicated," Ian replied. "If you're really worried about it, I'll let you see what I've written when we're done, okay?" Blaine shrugged. He wasn't sure if Ian was being honest or playing mind games with him, and that was incredibly frustrating. "How often do you drink?"

"Every day," Blaine replied. "This isn't normal… I'd be completely sloshed by now if I'd gotten the chance."

"So you're already starting to feel it, aren't you?" Blaine shrugged.

"I need a drink… it doesn't hurt yet, but it will…"

"You've detoxed before?" Blaine shrugged.

"It's not exactly hard on the streets… getting alcohol's hard, keeping it once you have it's harder. It fucking sucks, but that's life…"

"We'll do what we can to make it easier for you. There's medication to help with the symptoms, support to help you deal with the symptoms we can't get rid of. And we'll have someone to look out for you, make sure your symptoms don't get out of hand again." Blaine looked up, raising an eyebrow. "I've seen your medical records… two of the times you got sent home after you ran, it was because you ended up in the hospital from withdrawals. Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"You already know… you have my records."

"But I want you to tell me what's going on, Blaine… this is step one, being able to talk about things." Blaine rolled his eyes again, shrugging.

"I've gotten sick every time I've run… that's usually how they catch up with me, because it slows me down. First time in the hospital, I'd been gone almost a week. I was so dehydrated; I passed out when I was trying to lift some food in a grocery store. Before I managed to steal anything, so I didn't get in any trouble for it."

"And the second time?" Ian asked. Blaine sighed.

"The second time I don't really remember."

"Why don't you remember?"

"Hallucinations. Psychotic symptoms. I don't know what's real and what's not real about that episode."

"Why did you start drinking again after that?"

"You try dealing with my dad sober… it's fucking impossible," Blaine replied. "All I hear, _all day_ when I'm home, is how much of a fuck up I am. Calling me a faggot, a pansy, whatever else he could think of that would hurt. The alcohol took the edge off…" Blaine pulled his legs up against his chest, wrapping his arms around them.

"Are you afraid of detoxing?"

"Why would I be afraid of anything? I've lived on the streets… weeks at a time. I think I can handle whatever this shit is going to throw at me."

"We'll see about that."


	2. Introductions

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So, glad to know I've already earned at least ONE loyal reader for this story (although I'm not going to be answering your question for a while yet – but I promise, there is at least a hint coming up in the not too distant future, and I will get there eventually!). Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this next chapter!**

It was hell; detox was frustrating and painful, and all Blaine wanted was for it to be over already. He'd been dealing with it for six days, with the help of various medications that he could barely force down most of the time. But his head was slowly starting to clear, and his hands weren't shaking as badly as they had been before. It was starting to get better.

"Ready to get out of here?" Blaine raised an eyebrow at Ian's question.

"To go home?"

"No… the last place we want to send you is home right now, when you're still working on breaking this addiction. I'm talking about putting you with your group, getting started on dealing with your problems." Blaine shrugged.

"Whatever." Blaine sighed as Ian put his backpack on the end of the bed. He hadn't seen it since he'd gotten there, mostly because he'd spent the bulk of the time not totally sure what was real and not real. The snakes and bugs crawling all over the room, the feeling of hands grabbing at him – he wanted to believe it was all in his head, but Blaine had to admit that all of it felt _too_ real to be the product of psychotic hallucinations.

"Go ahead and get dressed… we'll take you to grab some breakfast, and then to group to introduce you to everyone else." Blaine glanced down as the man took his left hand and put a red wristband around it – the type he wouldn't be able to take off. "You're on reds, at least until the alcohol is completely out of your system. Maybe longer, if you don't follow the rules around here. Reds means you're restricted to your dorm outside of class and therapy sessions, and you'll be monitored 24/7. We have reviews on Saturdays, and if things are going well next weekend you can be moved to orange."

"And what does that mean?"

"It'll be explained to you when you get there… for the moment, you need to focus on learning the rules and sticking to them. Getting your feet back under you. That's what being on reds is for." Blaine sighed as the man closed the curtain around his bed, leaving Blaine alone to change out of the infirmary-issued pajamas and back into normal clothes. "It's kind of chilly outside… you may want to wear long sleeves or a jacket." Blaine rolled his eyes; he didn't _have_ anything long-sleeved to wear. His father had thrown away most of his clothes the last time he'd run away; the three outfits in his backpack were all the clothing he had left – what he'd taken with him when he'd run.

It took a little longer than usual for Blaine to get his clothes on – his fingers wouldn't exactly stop shaking long enough for him to get anything accomplished easily. Blaine was just glad that the man seemed to realize it was going to take some time, because he wasn't trying to rush Blaine through anything. Blaine finally pushed back the curtain, picking up his backpack and turning to Ian. "So… what's next?"

"Group session. After that, you'll be taken to your cabin to settle in for the rest of the day, to get used to being here," Ian explained, leading him out of the room. "Don't you have a jacket? You'll probably be cold here in short sleeves…"

"I don't have anything else… this is what I ran with, and this is all I have left. The rest of my clothes were given away or trashed…"

"We'll get something figured out for you… I'm sure we can find an extra jacket somewhere for you until they can make some better arrangements." Blaine shrugged, crossing his arms against the chill as they walked across a green lawn to another, much larger cabin. Blaine thought it was weird, how they were at a school but there didn't seem to be any students.

"Where is everyone?"

"Group sessions. Individual therapy. Study groups. Pretty typical Sunday afternoon around here, to be honest," Ian replied. "It's a little too cool out for any of the groups to be meeting outside. We do have a couple of groups on hikes, too, that won't be back for a day or two."

"I'm going to have to hike?" Blaine asked.

"It's part of the program… getting out in the woods, learning to be self-sufficient. A lot of the kids find it enjoyable, and there's a lot you can learn from learning to take care of yourself like that."

"I'm a runner… I think I know how to take care of myself."

"Fair warning – don't try running from here. You'll either get yourself hurt, or you'll get caught before you get as far as town. You're already on reds… and lockdown is the only thing worse. You don't want to be on lockdown."

Blaine was grateful when they walked into the building; it was warm, thanks to a large fire burning in the fireplace near the door. And despite the rustic appearances of the place, the main lodge actually looked fairly comfortable. There was a group of six students sitting near the fire, but Ian walked right past them as they all stared for a moment.

"You're going to be in group six – these guys will also be your cabin mates while you're here," Ian explained, leading him down a hallway and stopping at a door labeled _6_, which he then opened to let Blaine go in. "Jack, this is Blaine… he's going to be joining group six. Blaine, this is Jack, your counselor." Blaine watched as the redheaded man smiled and raised his hand, motioning towards an empty chair on the far side of the room.

"Thanks, Ian. Blaine, why don't you come over here and join us. We were just about to start…" Blaine did as he was told, sitting down in the chair after dropping his backpack on the floor. He ignored the way the rest of the guys – six of them in total – stared at him as he walked. "Let's start with introductions… Liam, you start." Blaine looked up at the blonde boy immediately to Ian's right as he started talking.

"Liam Mitchell. Sixteen. Official diagnosis is Oppositional-Defiant Disorder, but the truth is that my dad's a drill sergeant and I got sick of being his little soldier."

"We don't need that much detail, Liam, but thanks," Jack replied. "Robbie?" Blaine turned his attention this time to a small black boy that honestly didn't look as though he was old enough to be in high school.

"Robert Benson. Robbie for short. Fourteen. Court sent me here for vandalism." Blaine turned his attention to the boy next to Robbie, whose dark hair curled sort of like Blaine's own. Unlike the other two, he looked a bit like a linebacker.

"Scott Emmett. Seventeen. Shoplifting and petty theft. Also here under court orders." The next boy's hair hung in dreadlocks, though Blaine couldn't quite determine their color.

"Chuck Zoglin. Sixteen. Drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. But thankfully never arrested for it."

"Sebastian Smythe. Eighteen. Sold my soul to the devil…" Blaine raised an eyebrow at the tall, skinny boy next to him, with brown hair and a smirk on his face that Blaine couldn't quite understand.

"Sebastian… that joke still isn't funny," Jack warned. "Either tell the truth or let someone else talk.

"Fine… I'm a pathological liar, and I prostituted myself. Not because I needed the money, but because I _liked_ it. Happy, Jack?" Blaine didn't quite understand the dynamic; it was almost as if Sebastian was _trying_ to get himself into trouble with his sarcasm.

"Blaine, it's your turn…" Blaine looked up, glancing around the room at all of these unfamiliar faces. Everyone seemed to be waiting for him to talk about himself. Everyone except the boy on his right, who was lost in his own little world.

"Blaine Anderson. Seventeen. Runaway and alcoholic." It seemed to be enough to appease the group's leader, because he turned to the boy on the other side of Blaine expectantly. The boy didn't even seem to react, which gave Blaine a moment to study his appearance. Blaine couldn't tell how tall he was, because the boy was curled up with his knees to his chest and his face leaning against them. He had brown hair that was just a bit lighter than Sebastian's, and he appeared to be rather slim.

"Come on, Kurt… it's your turn to talk." It was after the boy refused to say anything that Blaine noticed the red wristband on the other boy's wrist. "Kurt… if you don't talk to us and to your therapist, you'll never get off reds." Once again, the boy didn't even bother to respond. Blaine was starting to wonder what his deal was when Jack finally turned away from him. "Okay, guys… who would like to explain the rules of Group sessions to Blaine?" Robbie's hand tentatively went up.

"What happens in Group, stays in Group. We don't talk about anything outside these walls unless the person who brought it up in Group mentions it outside – it's all private, sacred, whatever. You can say anything in here, but if you say anything about any kind of abuse or any thoughts about hurting yourself, it has to be reported to the authorities. But that's Jack's job… he's the only one that can make that call."

"Thanks, Robbie. Anyone have anything to add?" Jack asked when Robbie was finished. Sebastian raised his hand.

"It's one person talking at a time… you have to wait until Jack acknowledges you to speak, unless we're going around the circle for introductions or something like that. We can argue about stuff, but it doesn't leave this room… the argument has to end before Group does, and we have to work it out."

"Right… thanks Sebastian. Let's get started… I haven't heard about anything we need to discuss this week, but do any of you have something you'd like to talk about? Any problems, questions, anything like that?"

"Can we talk about the fact that Hummel's getting away with not doing _anything_ around here, while the rest of us take up the slack because he refuses to do anything that _might_ get him off reds…" Liam began as soon as he'd been acknowledged. The rest of the room, minus Kurt and Blaine, also exploded with noise.

"Whoa! Hey, guys, calm down!" Jack replied, raising his hands and waiting for everyone else's attention to return to him. "What did Sebastian just say? One at a time. Liam, clearly you've been heard… does anyone else have a response to Liam, or something they would like to add? Chuck?"

"This isn't a mental hospital, and clearly Hummel's got major problems if he refuses to talk after three weeks here. But staff needs to figure out how to handle it, not us… it's their job to deal with the psychos around here…"

"Chuck… don't call people names like that."

"It's the truth… he's damaged, somehow…" Chuck began again.

"Isn't everyone here damaged somehow?" Blaine asked, without even thinking about it. He glanced up when he realized everyone was staring at him. "Think about it… we're all fuck ups. That's why we're all here, isn't it? Because we screwed up, because we're damaged goods. Because somehow being here is supposed to _fix_ us… like that's really going to happen…"

"People do get better here, Blaine…" Blaine shook his head, sighing.

"Look, I've been through this reparative therapy shit before… and the more my dad sends me to these places, the more convinced I become that _nothing_ is going to 'fix' me. I'm gay… you're not going to convince me that's wrong…"

"Whoa, whoa… Blaine, this _isn't_ that kind of therapy. No one here is going to try and make you change the fact that you're gay," Jack replied. Blaine rolled his eyes. "I'm serious… we're trying to change your self-destructive behaviors, not your identity. That isn't something we're going to mess with."

"Not like I haven't heard _that_ before…" Blaine muttered.

"He's being serious," Sebastian replied. "You aren't the only gay guy in this group, okay? I can't speak for anyone else, but I've _never_ felt like anyone was trying to make me change the fact that I'm gay. They don't care about that."

"Look, this is the fifth or sixth time my dad has tried putting me in some kind of therapy – and the third residential facility. Everyone else has tried to tell me that I'm an abomination, that I'm going to hell if I don't change my ways. Which, for the record, only works on people who actually _believe_ in hell. And they've all tried to say that they aren't trying to change me – that they're just trying to fix the problems I've caused myself, so that I can be happy. But it's _bullshit_. All of it."

"Blaine, look at me for a minute." Blaine turned to look at Jack. He didn't make eye contact. "In the eyes, Blaine." Blaine sighed, looking the man in the eyes. "I'm promising you, right here, in front of everyone else in Group, that I'm not going to try and make you change your sexual orientation while you're here. The doctors and therapists that do that kind of work usually do more harm than good – reparative therapy is junk science." Blaine closed his eyes, sighing. "You've clearly been hurt before, Blaine."

"You think?"

"We'll talk about it, okay? We want you to be comfortable talking about how you got to this point," Jack replied.

"Whatever."

Blaine ignored the rest of the conversation, focusing instead on studying the other members of his group.

"Okay, guys… good session. Blaine, hang back a minute…" Blaine sighed, sitting back down in his chair as the other guys filed out of the room. It seemed as though Kurt was going to hang back and wait for hum, until the boy hurried out of the room at last, shutting the door behind him. Jack walked over to Blaine, pulling an extra chair over so that he was sitting right in front of him. "I know you're having a hard time dealing with being here… you're in the middle of detoxing, you didn't _choose_ to come here. But you're safe here… this is a haven, somewhere you can be yourself. Where you won't have to hide behind a mask to be accepted. Understand?" Blaine nodded. "Good… let's go, I'll take you to your cabin."

The walk to the cabin wasn't that far, and Blaine really didn't even have much of a chance to get cold before they were inside again, this time in a long room. The first section held a couch, a table with four chairs, and two desks. On the other side of a short half-wall was a section of the room filled with four sets of bunk beds – two on either side of the room, with open closet space on either side of the beds.

"You'll be in bunk 8… bottom right on the far end, closest to the bathroom. Ian thought it would be best, so that you wouldn't have as far to go if you got sick again," Jack explained. Blaine just nodded, dropping his backpack on the empty bunk. "Bedding's kept in the closet by the bathroom door, as well as towels. Showers are limited to fifteen minutes max. While you're on reds, you'll be here whenever you aren't in class or therapy. We do check periodically, and if you aren't here you'll be put on lockdown."

"What am I supposed to do in here all the time?" Blaine asked.

"Work on your schoolwork… you have a lot of catching up to do. Or you can write in your journal, which you'll get in your first therapy session this afternoon. Once the other guys get back, you can spend some time getting to know all of them."

"What about that Kurt guy… I thought he had a red wristband, too…"

"Kurt's in therapy right now… otherwise he would be here with you. But I wouldn't count on getting to know him too well, Blaine. We don't know that Kurt will be staying with us for much longer – and he knows it. He really isn't making any progress here, and we think he might be better served by a more intensive therapy scheme…"

"So you're just going to give up on him?"

Jack sighed in response, shaking his head. "We're talking with his father about the options available. We don't give up on anyone here… but we know when someone's issues are too much for our staff to handle, and we always have a contingency plan." Blaine sighed, shaking his head and laying down across the bed. "You're going to be okay, Blaine."

Blaine jerked away as soon as Jack tried to touch him, even though it was just his foot. "_Don't_." His heart was racing, and Blaine hated the fact that he reacted this way every time someone wanted to initiate any kind of physical contact. But Jack backed off quickly, raising his hands in a defensive posture.

"Okay… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm not upset," Blaine replied, getting up and walking over to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He honestly didn't even care if Jack was there when he walked back out. Blaine just needed to be alone for a minute, to collect himself and calm down again. It took a lot of willing himself to not punch something before he was finally calm enough to go continue his conversation with Jack. "Sorry…"

"It's okay, Blaine," Jack replied as Blaine sat down on his bed. The man sat down on the other end so that they were looking at one another. "We need you to learn to deal with your anger in healthier ways, but for the moment the most important thing is that you don't hurt yourself or someone else by your actions." Blaine glanced up as he heard the door opening to the dorm, letting Kurt into the room. The boy was thinner than Blaine had originally realized, and just barely taller than Blaine himself. "I'm going to go… I'll be back by to take you to meet your therapist in an hour or so, but if you need to talk before then my office is on the second floor of the lodge, first door on your left."

"I'm on reds…"

"You can come see me, even if you're on reds. In fact, being on reds makes it even more important that you come talk to us if you're upset about anything – that counts as being at a therapy session." Blaine just nodded, grabbing his backpack from the floor to start unpacking everything. He watched Kurt in his peripheral vision, noting that the boy slept on the top bunk across the room from him as Jack left the cabin.

"So… do you just not talk? Ever?" Blaine asked as he got out of his bed, starting to put away his clothes in the closet space to the right of his bunk. He honestly wasn't all that surprised when he didn't get a response. "God, your parents must have _really_ fucked you up, if you won't even talk to me. Because I promise you, whatever you have to say about your past – I can probably top it."

When Blaine finally turned around, all he saw was a page from a journal held over the edge of the top bunk across the way.

_It has nothing to do with my parents._


	3. Shrinks and Secrets

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So because I've gotten so many reviews so quickly, here's chapter 3! But fair warning, it's only going up this fast because I just finished writing chapter 5 about two minutes ago; once I get through the pre-written chapters, updates will slow down a bit!**

"Ian wanted me to make sure you got this." Blaine looked up from the book he'd been reading – re-reading, to be more precise – as Jack put a heavy looking jacket down on the foot of his bed. "It's not the greatest thing in the world, but it'll keep you warm until your dad can get you some more appropriate clothes."

"You mean until you all force him to do it by nagging about the fact that I'm about to freeze to death," Blaine muttered. He was sort of thankful that Jack didn't respond to that particular comment.

"Put it on, we don't want you to be late for your first solo therapy session." Blaine did as he was told, ignoring the fact that Jack was picking up his book to look at it. "_The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_? Interesting choice…"

"It's the only book I have. I've only read it half a dozen times or so…" Blaine replied, taking the book back from the man and throwing it down on the bed. "Let's just go…" Blaine started out of the room, Jack hurrying to catch up with him because Blaine didn't know where he was going.

"You're going to be talking to Jana today – we need a full psych evaluation as a starting point for your therapy. Tomorrow after classes, you'll have a regular one-on-one session with Lisa," Jack replied.

"I've had plenty of psych evals before…"

"I also know that you've never been sober for an eval before. And to be honest with you, I don't trust anything that comes from a psychologist practicing reparative therapy… no one around here will trust those evals. Those doctors were looking for something specific, and that's what they found – not the truth." Blaine just shrugged, pulling Ian's coat a little closer around his body. It was surprisingly warm for just a jacket, and Blaine was thankful for it. At least it seemed that _someone_ actually cared about him.

The lodge seemed to be the center of activity, because Blaine quickly realized that Jack was leading him there again – up the stairs and towards the back of the building until they reached a door with a simple plaque stating that it was Dr. Jana Arnold's office. Jack knocked quickly, waiting for a response before he opened the door to let Blaine go inside.

The office was much smaller than the room he'd been in earlier – there was a desk tucked into one corner, where the doctor was seated; shelving on most of the walls filled with books and mementos; and a chair and a couch that faced each other, with a phone sitting on the table next to the couch. Dr. Arnold was a petite woman, with graying hair that had clearly once been a bright red similar to Jack's. "Hi, Blaine… welcome to Mountainview," she commented with a smile. "Go ahead and take a seat, I'll be with you in just a minute."

Blaine hadn't noticed the file in Jack's hands before that. "Blaine Anderson. Seventeen, history of alcohol abuse and running away. Don't trust the psych evals in his file – his dad's sent him to reparative therapy. Multiple times, in fact."

"Thanks, Jack. We'll let Blaine tell me the rest." Soon enough the man was gone, and Dr. Arnold was walking over to sit in the chair facing Blaine's position on the couch. "So… you heard the official report on who you are. Anything you'd like to add or clarify for me, before we get started?"

"You're not going to try to convert me?" Blaine asked.

"Do you want to be converted?" Blaine raised an eyebrow, looking up to study the woman for a moment. She didn't seem to have an opinion one way or the other on the subject, and that confused Blaine. "Look, if you'd wanted to be converted I don't think you would have run away from so many different therapy attempts. Our goal is to help you work through your problems – not make you change who you are. The only people who get anything out of the kind of therapy you've been put through before are the people who have a problem with homosexuality. Not the people they claim to be helping. I've only ever seen that type of 'help' breaking people, not actually doing anything that could be considered helpful." Blaine just nodded, letting the woman's words sink in.

"Blaine, why was that the first thing you wanted to ask me?" Blaine shrugged. "There must be a reason, Blaine… that isn't the kind of reaction I normally see…"

"Because my dad sent me here. This is the third residential treatment center he's tried sending me to. You're probably the sixth shrink I've seen, and at least as many therapists. The only ones I didn't run away from were the ones my dad pulled me out of because they weren't giving me the kind of help _he_ thought I needed."

"Reparative therapy." Blaine could hear the disgust in the woman's voice, and he nodded in response.

"Look, this is probably pointless… he's just going to pull me out of here, too, if you aren't going to 'fix' me and make me into what _he_ wants. So why are you even bothering?" Blaine couldn't look at the woman after asking the question; he didn't want to see whatever look of pity she had on her face.

"Blaine, the family court judge ordered your father to place you in a residential treatment center and we're required to report to the judge on your progress. Unless he arranges for another placement and gets it approved through the court, he _can't_ remove you from this facility. And I will gladly pass on anything you want the judge to know about your situation – all you have to do is ask."

"I don't want to go to another one of those places. I can't guarantee that I won't run from here – but I swear, if they try to put me back there, I _will_ run. And I'm starting out sober this time… they won't catch me."

The rest of the session – which lasted more than two hours, thanks to some of the testing Jana wanted to do – went by quickly, filled with questions and discussion until Jana was finally satisfied that she'd gotten a complete picture of what was going on inside Blaine's head. He hadn't told her everything – he wasn't ready for that – but he'd let her in enough so that she could at least understand that he wasn't ready to go there just yet.

"So… am I crazy?" Blaine glanced at the woman, who smiled and shook her head.

"No. You're not crazy. We're going to wean you off the benzodiazepines to make sure there aren't any psychosis issues, but given what you've said it doesn't look like the psychotic symptoms are associated with anything other than alcohol withdrawals. If we need to put you back on them for some reason, we will, but I don't want to put you on medications that you don't absolutely need. Which is why I'm not going to suggest medicating you for depression, even though you're clearly struggling with that. I want to give you time to work on your issues – no alcohol, no medications, nothing to cloud your judgment or alter how your brain works. I'll be talking to Jack and Lisa, your therapist, and we'll reevaluate whether or not you need to be medicated as we go. But I think once we get you off all of the medications that were helping you get sober, you'll be okay on your own."

"And if I'm not?"

"Then we'll give you whatever medications we think are necessary. But that's a last resort… our number one goal is to get you healthy, without any kind of drugs or alcohol." Blaine just nodded, suddenly aware of the fact that his hands were starting to shake even more significantly than they had before. "Now, it's time for dinner… go eat downstairs with everyone else, then back to your cabin. Someone will come by with your nighttime medication before lights out."

By the time Blaine got downstairs and got a tray of food, his entire cabin was already seated at a table clearly meant for eight people. There was one empty seat, since Jack seemed to be eating with them. Blaine walked over to join them, rightly assuming that they were supposed to eat based on their cabin assignments.

"So, how did your session with Jana go? You crazy, or just slightly screwed up like the rest of us?" Sebastian asked with a smirk.

"Sebastian…" Jack warned as Blaine sat down at the empty place next to him. "Blaine, you don't have to answer any questions about your sessions with Jana or Lisa – that's private, unless you choose to share." Blaine just shrugged, picking up his fork.

"She doesn't think I'm crazy… and I don't see how telling people that could be a problem," Blaine replied, starting to pick at the vegetables on his plate. They were the only thing he really cared to eat – he'd never been a fan of ham, and to be honest nothing else really looked like it would be all that appetizing.

"It's not that it's a problem – it's that nothing says you _have_ to share details like that with anyone else around here," Jack explained. Blaine just nodded. "You need to eat… you haven't been doing so well in that department, and the medications can mess with you if you aren't eating properly."

"What he isn't telling you is that you're supposed to finish what's on your tray, because some of the guys here have eating disorders. But that you're getting a pass for a day or two until you're done with the DTs," Liam added.

"I don't eat ham…" Blaine began.

"Keeping kosher?" Blaine shrugged in response to Jack's question.

"Before my mom left, we did. My dad didn't really give a shit, because he grew up Catholic. But I still can't eat ham…" Blaine picked at the vegetables a little more, forcing himself to eat some of the broccoli, which was surprisingly good.

"I'll make sure they give you an alternative meal next time… we always have a few guys who keep kosher, and if you'd like I can add you to the list," Jack offered. Blaine nodded.

"Yeah… okay."

"This doesn't mean we _all_ have to eat kosher meals, does it? Because I kind of _like_ the ham…" Robbie began.

"No… it's only Blaine's diet that will change. Not anyone else's," James replied. Blaine continued working on the vegetables, occasionally taking a bite of the roll that also wasn't _that_ bad. To be honest, it was probably the best food he'd ever gotten at one of these places.

The meal wasn't rushed, another thing that Blaine was thankful for. And cookies were passed around near the end of the meal time, which was also an improvement because most places hadn't given out dessert at all unless you made some sort of "breakthrough" that day.

"What do we have to do for them?" Blaine asked, inspecting the plate of cookies as it made its way down towards them.

"Nothing… but you can only take one. You don't get extra dessert unless you're on kitchens," Chuck replied.

"So we can just have cookies? We don't have to have some kind of big breakthrough or something to be rewarded?"

"Cookies aren't a reward, Blaine," Jack replied, passing the plate to him. Blaine took one, staring at it for a moment before he took a tentative bite and passed the plate on to the next boy at the table. "They're part of the meal plan, just like everything else on your plate earlier. With this many growing teenagers around, we've discovered that a few extra calories here and there is a good thing."

"And when we have kitchens, we get ice cream, too," Robbie added. Blaine smiled at the way the younger boy bounced as he ate his cookie. Clearly he didn't need the extra sugar.

"Ten minutes, guys… then it's time to head back to the dorm for homework," Jack commented. Blaine smiled slightly as the rest of the table groaned at the idea. Somehow, the idea that they were all teenagers – that every single one of these guys he sat with had the same reaction to homework as every other teenager Blaine had ever known – it was comforting. Because it was a hint at normalcy, an indication that at least some of the things in his old life might actually come back.

Blaine started to get up and follow the rest of the boys back to the cabin, but Jack's hand on his shoulder stopped him. Blaine stiffened at first; in the past, physical contact like that had been a warning – a sign of danger. "I'm sorry… I have to remember not to touch you without warning," Jack commented as he dropped his hand quickly. "I wanted to talk to you, since you don't have homework assignments to work on yet. Lisa gave me your journal, and she wanted me to encourage you to start writing in it now, before your first session with her. Get used to the idea."

"What am I supposed to write?" Blaine asked. Jack shrugged.

"That's up to you. You don't even have to share what's written in it, not unless you want to," Jack replied, pulling a blue spiral-bound notebook out of his bag and handing it to Blaine. "Just write. Lisa might give you some specific assignments later, but they're more things that she thinks you need to reflect on than things you have to share with her." Blaine just nodded, sighing.

"Okay."

"Go ahead back to the cabin. I'll see you in a couple of hours to take you to the infirmary for nighttime meds."


	4. Blaine's Journal 1

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So this chapter is going to be a little bit different, in that it's going to be Blaine's journal entry from the night instead of telling what's going on around him. I thought it might be nice to get a peek into what's going on inside that head of his…**

October 10th, 2011

So… I don't know what this is supposed to be. This whole journaling thing is new to me, and I'm not really sure what they expect me to write in here.

This place… it's weird. At least compared to some of the other places I've been in. The people here that I've met – Ian, Jack, Janna – they all genuinely seem to care about us. Ian's even letting me borrow his jacket, since my dad threw away everything I owned the last time I ran away. Which is a nice change from all of the fake people that have tried to "help" me since my dad started sending me to therapy. But… I have to wonder what their angle is. Because no one has ever been this nice to me unless they wanted something. And they would get it, whether I wanted to give it to them or not.

They say this thing is private. I'm not sure that I believe that – once things are written down, they have a way of coming back to bite you in the ass. And I don't want anyone to be able to use my secrets against me. There are too many things I've done that other people wouldn't understand – to survive, to stay sane. I don't think I want anyone to know about those things, to be honest. And if I don't write them down, they can't possibly find a way to use them against me, right?

I probably shouldn't have even written that much…

The other guys are… interesting. I'm not sure how they determine who goes into which cabin, because it seems like the guys here in six don't really have anything in common. At least not from anything I've learned so far. Kurt doesn't ever talk, Robbie doesn't seem to ever shut up outside of group, and I think Sebastian has been trying to flirt with me ever since I got back from dinner. I've been trying to ignore him, because I'm not really sure why he thinks I'm interested. Plus the fact that he admitted to _liking_ having sex with random strangers – or at least that was what it sounded like – it's like a giant neon sign telling me to stay the hell away from him before he somehow manages to figure out a way to use me, too. Maybe that's an overreaction… but better to be safe than sorry, right?

I'm still not getting why my dad sent me _here_. They keep claiming they aren't trying to convert me – and all of those "reparative" places were always up-front about it. Unless this is some kind of new tactic they're trying to generate more "success" stories. Though I don't think that's what's happening here – Janna seemed pretty insistent that reparative therapy isn't healthy. And I sort of want to believe her about that… because I feel like I've left every other therapist or treatment center with another problem or reason to be a fuck up. Because that's all I am, really.

God, it's like they _knew_ having me write in this thing would bring me to saying something like that.

Some of the other guys have been asking questions that I'm not really ready to answer just yet. And one of the big ones is why I seem to be _happy_ here, when they all claim that they hated it here when they first arrived. Clearly these guys don't know what kind of hell the rest of the world can be, if they think _this_ is bad. Here they feed you, give you a place to sleep, don't judge you, and seem to actually care about how you're doing. Outside… no one cares. If you aren't perfect – exactly what _they_ want you to be – no one really cares about whether or not you're happy or even if you _want_ them to do some of those things to you. People outside will just use you to get what they want, and then get rid of you like you're a piece of garbage.

I don't think the other guys here would understand if I tried to explain all of that to them. Sebastian claims he's been there… but he's got a different perspective on the whole thing because he claims he actually liked the shit he did. He didn't _have_ to do any of it just to survive. It's different that way – if you don't _have_ to do it, you're just trying to get attention. Or something. Because Sebastian doesn't know what it's like to realize that if you _don't_ let some old perv touch you, you aren't going to be eating or drinking anything the next day. To know that as disgusting as he is, that man is your ticket to survival.

I don't know if I can keep writing this. It's… it's a lot of stuff coming back up, and the last thing I want is for the other guys to see me freaking out.


	5. Group Sessions and Anger Issues

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So despite the fact that I've only just finished writing chapter 6, I've decided that posting chapter 4 by itself is not enough for one day. So, just for all of you, I've decided to go ahead and post chapter 5 as well. Because really, chapter 4 isn't much of a chapter at all (it's under 1,000 words – something I NEVER do unless I'm writing a drabble!). So enjoy!**

It felt strange, adapting so quickly to a set of circumstances when he'd had no input into what they would be. But Blaine found the routine at Mountainview sort of comforting. It had taken a few days to even really be part of the routine – his school records from the past few years were almost nonexistent, and it had taken a few days of placement testing to get him into the right classes. Most of which he shared with the freshmen and sophomores. But it worked to his advantage in some ways – some of the material they were covering he'd actually been present for, and the rest he was able to catch onto quickly because he had at least a little background knowledge of the material.

The problem, of course, was that Blaine was three years older than some of his classmates, and he felt out of place. So he tried to hide himself in the back of the room, keeping his head down unless the teacher specifically asked him a question. He'd gotten good at going unnoticed – after all, he had years of experience at that. In fact, the only place he really couldn't hide himself among the crowd was in Group.

"Blaine? How has your week gone?" Blaine looked up from the nail he had been examining, hoping that he could disappear from the room.

"Okay. I guess." Blaine shrugged.

"Care to elaborate?"

"It's weird to be staying in one place for so long… not having to figure out ways to take care of myself. It sort of takes some getting used to…" Blaine began.

"I suppose sleeping in a bed again takes some getting used to," Sebastian replied, rolling his eyes. The look Jack shot at the taller boy clearly said that he should shut up, but Sebastian didn't take it that way. "What? I was just commenting on the fact that he tosses and turns all night long… it's keeping other people awake."

"It's not exactly something I can help, Sebastian…" Blaine began.

"You could _ask_ for help," Sebastian replied. Blaine rolled his eyes.

"From who, Sebastian? Ian isn't going to give me anything like that… I'm an addict, and the last thing he's going to do is give me something _else_ to get addicted to."

"There's always…"

"It isn't _easy_ Sebastian! Do you think I _like_ not being able to get a decent amount of sleep? No body's going to just hand me the answers the way they seem to just hand everything to you…"

"You think I just get things handed to me?" Sebastian asked.

"Everything you did… why did you _have_ to do it? Did you need to do those things to survive? To be able to have something to _eat_?"

"I needed to feel something…" Blaine scoffed, shaking his head.

"You can't possibly understand."

"Blaine… do you want to explain what you mean?" Jack asked. Blaine shook his head.

"Why? No one's going to understand."

"You might be surprised…" Jack began. Blaine just shook his head, closing himself off again. He'd already decided that he wasn't going to keep talking about all of this. He wasn't ready for that yet.

"What? Are you afraid to let us in?" Blaine glared at Sebastian.

"You're a spoiled brat that doesn't know what it means to really be afraid, Sebastian. You think you're the shit because you fucked a bunch of guys. Or maybe they fucked you… I don't know and I don't care. You did it as an act of rebellion against whatever perceived injustice your parents inflicted upon you. My dad called me a faggot the day I came out. He _screamed_ for hours… and I was never sure if he was going to hit me or not. He sent me to one therapist after another that tried to scare the gay out of me. And sometimes, they got physical… inappropriately physical. I ran away from all of that, and ended up trying to figure out how to live on the streets. And out there, you don't know what you're going to end up being forced into doing to protect yourself. You don't know where you're going to sleep, where you're going to find your next meal. And fear becomes your best friend, because it's the only thing that's always there and it's the only thing that _might_ protect you out there. But you still have to push it down sometimes, just do whatever it takes to survive…"

"You could have gone home at any time…" Blaine shook his head.

"No, I couldn't. I couldn't go back home, because every time I did, the slurs and the lectures and the _guilt trips_ just got worse and worse and I couldn't take it. I made it the two days I was home with him before I came here because I _knew_ it wasn't going to be for long. And I know every trick in the book for sneaking out of places like this by now, so I knew that if it was shit here I'd be out in a week, tops. And honest, this place is infinitely better than any of the other treatment centers I've been to or even my dad's house." Blaine could feel everyone staring at him. And he _hated_ that kind of attention. "Can we just stop? Please? I can't do this right now…"

Blaine stood up, standing up and starting to walk towards the door. "Blaine… Group isn't over…"

"Fuck it." Blaine was out the door before he even fully realized what he was doing. His actions were fueled mostly by anger – at Sebastian, for antagonizing him; at Jack, for not protecting him from Sebastian's probing questions; but mostly at himself for not being able to control his anger. Because Blaine had always been fighting to control himself, because he _had_ to be able to at least pretend that he had that kind of control. But this… _well_ of emotions couldn't be contained so easily and he slammed his fist into a wall as he walked without even thinking about it until the pain shot through his hand and wrist – which mostly made Blaine want to hit the wall over and over again, but his second attempt only made things worse and he ended up just falling against the wall and sliding down it, cradling his hand against his chest and fighting back the tears.

"Blaine? Are you okay?" Blaine didn't trust himself to say a word in response to Jack's question, instead shaking his head without even bothering to look up. "Let me see what you did…" Blaine shook his head again as Jack knelt down next to him. "You tucked your thumb, didn't you?" Blaine nodded. "Once the cast comes off, I'll take you out to the gym and teach you how to punch properly. But only at punching bags, not people and _especially_ not walls. And for right now, priority number one is getting you to the infirmary so that Ian can take a look at it and take you to the hospital for X-rays."

Blaine whimpered as Jack helped him to his feet, the pain in his hand intensifying as he moved it without meaning to. "Hold it still… if you move your hand too much, you might do some permanent damage…"

"I hit the wall twice… it's probably already fucked," Blaine muttered, gritting his teeth as Jack led him further down the hall.

"We'll get it looked at," Jack replied, without really commenting on what Blaine had just told him. "Do you want to talk about why you were so upset in there? Upset enough to punch a wall?"

"He doesn't get it. That what he's done to land himself here… he thinks it's all great and everything, but he doesn't know what it's like to _have_ to do those things. How it hurts because they don't care. How embarrassing it is to know that they're looking at you, just to see if they can break you. How so many of them do…"

"Blaine…"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Then you don't _have_ to talk about it. But you need to know that you can talk about it, as soon as you're ready… we're here for you. All of us."

"Then why didn't you stop him? I ran away for the first time when I was 13… you _had_ to know that I'd done those kinds of things to survive. What else was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, Blaine. But I do know that you need to keep moving so that we can get that hand looked at." Blaine hadn't even realized that he'd stopped walking. "C'mon… let's keep moving. We really need to get that wrist checked out." Blaine nodded, continuing to follow the man towards the infirmary. The pain in his hand was starting to get worse, and the cold air outside really wasn't doing anything to help.

It seemed as though Ian knew that something was wrong before Blaine was even in the door of the infirmary, because he rushed over to them as soon as Blaine and Jack were inside. "What happened?"

"I punched a wall…" Blaine began, letting Ian move him to one of the beds and sit him down.

"A wall? No one told you there's a punching bag in the gym?" Ian asked. Blaine rolled his eyes, sighing.

"I was pissed off… better the wall than someone else, right?" Blaine asked.

"The better idea would be not punching anything that wasn't _designed_ to be punched. Let me see…" Blaine really didn't want to move his hand away from his chest, even as Ian reached out to take his hand. "Blaine, I need to look at your hand. I can't tell how bad it is unless you let me see, and you're going to need to let me splint it if I have to take you to the hospital. At the very least we need to put some ice on it, because I can see already that your wrist is swelling."

"It hurts to move it…" Blaine began.

"Don't try to move your hand… just let me take it." Blaine closed his eyes as Ian moved his wrist away from his body, whimpering as Ian tried to move his fingers and pain shot into his wrist. "That hurts?"

"You think?" Blaine muttered as Ian gave his hand back.

"I'm going to grab some ice and a few supplies to make you a little more comfortable on the way to the hospital." Blaine sighed, closing his eyes and laying down slowly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm going to the hospital… big deal. Not like I haven't been there a million times before…"

"Are you worried about someone seeing your scars?" Blaine's eyes shot open at that comment; it was the first time anyone had mentioned any scars or anything like that.

"How the hell do you know about that?"

"Blaine, we're all here to help you and we work as a team. When you didn't tell Jana about your problems, Ian felt it was necessary to bring up the fact that you'd been hiding some important details from the rest of us…"

"Did he tell you that they're just scars? That there aren't any new cuts?" Blaine asked.

"He did… but we're still concerned about it, Blaine. Cutters don't just stop, and we want to make sure that you aren't going to hurt yourself again…" Jack began.

"I have enough other people hurting me… I don't have to do anything to feel it."

"Blaine…" Blaine sat back up shaking his head before cutting Jack off. He couldn't listen to it.

"Do you want me to tell you that I don't _want_ to cut? Because I _do_ want that. But I can't do it… when I was living on the street, I didn't want to risk it getting infected, and when I'm in one of these places I don't have anything I can do it with. And I didn't hit the wall because I wanted to be in pain… it's a relief, and it's taken away the need to cut for the moment, but I did it because I was pissed off."

"Okay… I believe you. But I think that your anger issues are something we need to work on, if they're pushing you to do something like this…" Jack began.

"Whatever… I'm okay now, you can leave me with Ian." Blaine pretended not to care as Jack nodded, agreeing with him. To be honest, his emotions were confusing. Part of him didn't want Jack to leave him alone, but at the same time Blaine didn't want the man asking so many questions because he didn't want to talk about it.

"Okay. I'll leave you alone for now. But this is something we're going to sit down and talk about with Lisa tomorrow, because we really need to get all of this sorted out."

"Whatever." Blaine ignored Jack's sigh.

"I'm going to go call your dad, let him know what's going on…" Jack began.

"I don't want to leave. Tell him that." Blaine sighed as Jack turned back to him, looking confused. "He's going to want to pull me out of here… I'm sure that by now he's been looking for any excuse to get me out of here and back under his control. But I don't want to go somewhere else. I'll run away again before I let him take me anywhere else, and this time they won't catch me."

"You would go back to the streets?"

"It would be better than anywhere my dad might take me if he took me out of here," Blaine replied with a shrug. "I don't like living on the streets, but it's better than living with my dad, or being in one of those conversion places. But if it was my choice, I'd rather stay here."

"We aren't going to send you away, Blaine. And your dad can't _do_ that… he can't take you home without going to the courts first," Jack replied. They both looked up as Ian walked back into the room, handing Blaine an ice pack before he did anything else.

"Go ahead and ice your wrist… I'm going to give you some Tylenol with codeine to help with the pain," the man commented as Blaine let his wrist rest against the ice pack. It was sort of uncomfortable because it was so cold. He popped the pain pill into his mouth as Ian handed it to him, chasing it with a sip of water as he watched Ian unpackage some bandages to wrap around his hand and wrist. "I'm going to splint your hand and wrist so that you can't move it on the way to the hospital."

"I'll go call his dad to tell him what's going on, and bring you the number so you can keep him updated," Jack commented, before leaving to do just that.

"So… do you want to tell me what got you so upset you punched a wall?" Blaine shook his head.

"I don't want to talk about it… I'll just get pissed off again."

"Next time you decide to punch something, don't tuck your thumb."

"Jack already told me…"


	6. Getting to Know You

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: **

"Wake up!" Blaine's eyes shot open at the sound of an over-excited Robbie bouncing on his mattress in the next bed. "We're going on a hike today… wake up!" Blaine rolled his eyes as he rolled over, attempting to shove his fingers in his ears. Which probably would have been easier if his right hand hadn't been so heavily wrapped in a fiberglass cast. The doctor in the emergency room had determined that he'd broken his thumb and cracked two or three other bones in his hand, meaning that they'd had to immobilize his fingers as well. The black cast made his hand pretty much useless – a fact that was going to be a problem come Monday morning, when he had to be back in classes and he would need the ability to write.

"Dude… shut up!" Blaine smiled slightly at the _thwump_ sound Scott's pillow made as it bounced off what Blaine assumed was the foot of Robbie's bed.

"Hey! Aim for the kid, not the bed next time!" Clearly Blaine had been correct, because Liam seemed annoyed that he'd also been seemingly targeted despite the fact that he was currently a good five feet off the ground and definitely _not_ bouncing on his own mattress.

"Sorry… no contacts…"

"Can you all shut up now?" Sebastian asked from across the room. "Some of us are still trying to sleep."

"I think Blaine _is_ still asleep… they must have drugged him up good last night…" Blaine chose not to respond to Chuck's comment. Technically it was true – they couldn't give him certain drugs because of his history of addiction, but Ian had figured out a combination of painkillers that Blaine could have that took the edge off the pain and pretty much knocked him out the night before. And while his hand was hurting already, he still didn't want to move and get out of the bed because he was still pretty tired.

"They can't give him the good stuff, since he's an addict…"

"Alcoholic," Robbie corrected Liam.

"It's still an addiction. Anyways, someone should wake him up. Whatever they're giving him, I'm sure it isn't enough for him to not be in pain by now…" Liam replied.

"I'll let you do that… if Sebastian pissed him off enough to punch a wall last night, I don't want to be on the receiving end of whatever he's going to do to the person that wakes him up…" Scott began.

"I'm up…" Blaine muttered, keeping his eyes closed. "I just don't want to move…" Blaine didn't respond as the other guys started laughing

"You're going to have to move eventually…" Scott commented.

"Nope. Not moving. Ever…"

"If you don't move, you won't be able to eat breakfast. Or get anything for the pain," Jack commented. Blaine groaned as the man walked into the cabin. "Come on, guys… get up and get ready. Dress warm, because it's pretty chilly out and I don't want anyone getting sick on our hike today." Blaine sighed, grudgingly getting out of the bed and looking at the contents of the closet area that held his clothes, trying to figure out what he could wear that would be warm enough. "Blaine…" Blaine turned quickly at the sound of Jack's voice, wondering why he was being so quiet. "I'm not comfortable taking you out on this hike today… it's looking like rain, and you don't have good clothes for this weather. Not to mention that I can't take any pain medication for your hand."

"So I'm going to be staying here? By myself?"

"Not by yourself… Kurt's also staying behind. Brandon from Cabin 2 is going to come by a few times to check on you guys, but we'll be back around dinnertime, before reviews," Jack replied. Blaine nodded.

"Okay."

"I'm going to let you know now… I'm not recommending you moving to orange today. You've made some real progress over the past week, but we need to work on your anger issues before we give you that kind of freedom." Blaine nodded, sighing. "This isn't a failure, okay? A lot of people don't come off reds their first week… two to three weeks is fairly normal, and the week you were detoxing doesn't count. You're almost there…"

"Yeah, whatever," Blaine replied, grabbing some clothing and starting towards the bathroom to change clothes. Getting his clothes on was a little more difficult with only one hand, although at least his hands weren't shaking as much as they had been the first day he'd been back in his own clothes. By the time he walked out, most of the other guys had already left for breakfast. Except for Kurt, which confused Blaine somewhat. The other boy was clearly dressed, and there really wasn't any reason for him to still be in the cabin. Blaine didn't bother saying anything; Kurt wouldn't respond anyway. So Blaine just grabbed the borrowed jacket and walked out of the cabin, trying to ignore the fact that the boy had started following him. It wasn't until they were in the cafeteria line that Blaine understood _why_ Kurt had waited on him – it was pretty much impossible for Blaine to balance a tray of food with only one good hand, and Kurt was quick to take part of the contents of Blaine's tray so that it would be easier. "Thanks…" Blaine watched as the boy just shrugged, before sitting down at the table in the only two empty seats left.

Breakfast was kind of boring, if Blaine was being completely honest. The boys that were about to leave on the hike were talking animatedly about some of the other hikes they had been on. Kurt was being silent, as usual, and that meant that Blaine was pretty much left out of anything going on around him. And to be honest, he was really just grateful that he didn't have to put up with the pain in his hand for much longer – almost as soon as he'd gotten to his seat, Jack had told him to go to the infirmary after breakfast if his hand was hurting enough that he thought he needed something for it.

"Okay guys… hurry up and finish eating. We've got to head out soon if we want to be back before dinnertime," Jack finally announced to the table. Despite the fact that he knew he wasn't going on the trip, Blaine still found himself hurrying through the remainder of his breakfast. He wasn't sure that he wanted to be sitting around in the dining room essentially by himself after the rest of the guys took off. "Blaine, Ian wanted me to ask you to come see him this morning before you go back to the cabin." Blaine nodded, closing his eyes and sighing.

"Yeah… okay."

"Hey… it's not anything bad, he just wants to know how you're doing so far. Go ahead out there when you finish eating, and then head back to the cabin."

"I'm still supposed to be there all day? Even on Saturdays?" Blaine asked.

"Even on Saturdays. But it won't last much longer… you're doing well."

"You already said you don't think I'm ready to move to orange…" Blaine began.

"I know. But that doesn't mean that you aren't close. Don't worry so much about the colors, Blaine… you'll get there when you're ready." Blaine just nodded, standing up and taking his tray to be dumped.

Blaine was almost at the infirmary before he realized that he had a shadow. It was starting to get really frustrating to always have the silent boy following him around, even though he had just started doing it that day. "Do you really have to follow me? Or could you at least _talk_ to me, if you're going to follow me around all day?" Blaine asked, without bothering to turn and look. He wasn't at all surprised that the boy didn't respond to him. Blaine didn't really bother holding the infirmary door open for Kurt, either.

"Can I help you with something, Blaine?" the nurse on duty asked. Blaine didn't recognize her, but obviously that was just because he had only been in the infirmary when he was either too disoriented to pay attention or in too much pain to worry about anything else.

"Jack said that Ian wanted to see me…"

"How's the hand?" Blaine was sort of surprised when Ian walked out almost as soon as Blaine said his name.

"Hurts… not as bad as it did last night, but it's annoying," Blaine replied. He watched as Ian grabbed a folder from the desk in the lobby area.

"It's probably going to hurt for a few days… Katie, if you could give him some ibuprofen. It won't make all of the pain go away, but it'll take the edge off. Try and get some rest, do what you can to catch up on your schoolwork. You're going to have to miss part of the day on Wednesday to go back to see the orthopedic surgeon and make sure your thumb is healing properly."

"What did my dad say when you called him last night?" Blaine asked as the nurse brought a small paper cup with a pill in it. He took it quickly, not even bothering to wait for water. He had been so distracted by the pain in his hand that he hadn't really paid any attention to what Jack and Ian had been saying about the situation the night before.

"I couldn't get him on the phone, and he hasn't called back from any of the messages Jack and I left him," Ian replied. Blaine scoffed, smiling slightly.

"Typical."

"It'll be okay, Blaine… no matter what he says, it's going to take court action to get you out of here. And I will personally make sure that you get your say before anything happens to pull you out of here."

"Would it really even matter? What judge would be willing to listen to anything I have to say? I'm a runaway and an alcoholic… why should the court listen to anything _I_ have to say?" Blaine asked, sighing. "I've been through court before… too many times. I doubt they'd even care what I had to say about where I want to be."

"Blaine, the court's only goal is to keep you safe," Ian replied. Blaine didn't look at the man as he put a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "If you're willing to stay here – if you want us to help you – you have every right to make sure that the court knows that. You _need_ to let the court know, because I can't guarantee that they'll stop your dad from taking you somewhere else. And just because the court has to approve of the program he sends you to doesn't guarantee you'll be happy there." Blaine nodded.

"So what do I need to do?"

"Nothing yet… until we've heard from your dad, there's no reason to worry about it. For now, concentrate on what you need to do for yourself. Get some rest, concentrate on your schoolwork and therapy sessions. Take care of yourself. And try not to always jump to the worst conclusion about everything. It doesn't do anything but stress you out, and you don't need that…"

"It's kind of hard when that's what you've come to expect."

"I know it is. But if there's anywhere it's safe for you to have some hope that things are going to turn out alright, this is it. Because we're more concerned with how _you_ feel about what's going on than what your dad wants… this won't work if _you_ don't want it and _you_ don't work with us. We're here to help you." Blaine nodded, sighing. "Why don't you go ahead back to your cabin, maybe get some rest. We can give you another pain pill in a few hours if you need it. I'll make sure Katie knows, too, in case I'm not here when you come back."

The walk back to the cabin was silent; despite the fact that Kurt hadn't gone into the infirmary behind him, the boy had still been sitting there when Blaine walked out. It wasn't until they were back in the cabin and Blaine was in his bed again that he spoke.

"Did Jack ask you to keep an eye on me or something? Is he afraid I might run because of what happened last night?" Blaine watched as Kurt shook his head. The fact that Kurt was at least attempting to communicate with him when they were alone was interesting; the boy seemed to just ignore everyone else. "So what, you're just following me around like a puppy because you _want_ to?" Blaine waited as the boy scribbled something on a piece of paper in his notebook.

_I'm worried about you_.

"Worry about yourself… I'm fine." Blaine rolled over as he spoke, closing his eyes and going back to sleep. Now that he was back in his bed, he was realizing just how exhausted he really was – clearly he hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before, because despite the pain in his wrist he was out in almost no time.

Blaine hadn't told anyone about the nightmares yet, but that didn't stop them from invading his nap. It wasn't so much what he _saw_ – it was always dark in Blaine's nightmares, and almost always somewhere in the city where he'd hidden from the police. Hands and lips and teeth – and Blaine couldn't get away from whoever it was, no matter how hard he tried. It was terrifying, and Blaine wanted nothing more than to get as far away from what was happening as possible.

When his eyes finally opened, Blaine didn't feel any more rested than he had when he'd gone to sleep. If anything he felt worse because he hadn't really gotten any restful sleep thanks to the stupid nightmare. Blaine sighed, moving until he could see Kurt's bed, where the brown-haired boy was watching him. "Are you okay?"

The words were so quiet, Blaine wasn't sure that he'd actually heard them. But the way Kurt was looking at him suggested that it wasn't Blaine's imagination. "Did you say something?"

"Are you okay?" Blaine raised his eyebrows.

"I thought you didn't talk." Blaine watched as the boy shrugged. Clearly he wasn't going to get anything else out of Kurt. "You do realize that they would move you off reds if you just talked in Group every once in a while, don't you?"

"I don't care about getting off reds, and I don't want to talk about what happened. I just want to make sure you're okay." Blaine sighed, rolling his eyes. He had really hoped that Kurt wouldn't ask that question again.

"I'm fine."

"Nightmares?"

"_I_ don't want to talk about it." Blaine watched as Kurt shrugged looking away to start reading a book that Blaine hadn't noticed before.

The fact that Kurt was suddenly talking to him was confusing for Blaine; clearly the boy didn't talk to any of the others – especially not Jack or whoever his therapist was. Blaine didn't understand why the boy would choose to talk to _him_ when he didn't want to talk to anyone else.

The rest of the day was spent pretty much in silence, though Kurt didn't seem willing to let Blaine go anywhere outside of their cabin by himself. The boy walked with Blaine to lunch, and then to the infirmary when he went to get another pill to help him deal with the pain in his hand. Blaine wasn't really sure how he felt about the fact that Kurt seemed to have latched onto him.

Dinner was silent between the two of them; the rest of the group hadn't gotten back from their hike yet by the time the meal began, meaning that Kurt and Blaine were the only two at the table until they were almost done eating.

"Ready to actually have some conversation for a change?" Blaine looked up as Sebastian dropped his tray next to Blaine's before sitting down. "I'm sure you've been bored to tears all day, being stuck inside with Kurt."

"I actually ended up sleeping most of the day… didn't get much last night, thanks to my hand," Blaine replied without looking at Kurt. If the boy didn't care to talk in front of everyone else… well, that was Kurt's business, not Blaine's.

"How are you doing, by the way? How's the pain?" Jack asked, sitting down on the other side of Kurt.

"I'm dealing. The medicine helps some, but it doesn't take all of the pain away," Blaine admitted, still picking at his dinner.

"Make sure you're letting Ian know… he might be able to do something else for the pain so that you can get some more rest," Jack replied. Blaine just nodded. He had a feeling that there probably wasn't anything that Ian would be willing to do, given his history of addiction. It stopped him from taking a lot of things because the staff didn't want him to replace one addiction with another.

Blaine chose to leave the dining hall before dessert was passed around, making his way to the infirmary to get another pain pill before he got called in for reviews. Even though Blaine knew what was coming, he couldn't really help worrying about it. He didn't know who would be in the room, nor did he know what they would be saying to him or about him. It was sort of nerve-wracking.

"Don't look so nervous." Blaine was surprised when Katie handed him the little paper cup and commented on his emotional state. "It's your first review today, right?" Blaine nodded. "It won't be bad… it'll just be Jack, Beth, who's in charge of the program, and your therapist in the room with you, and maybe Jana since this is your first time. And you can respond to anything they say… it's a discussion, not a lecture. They'll listen to your side before they make a final decision on anything."

"I just… I don't want them to decide that I'm too screwed up for them to be able to help me…" Blaine began.

"We don't give up hope on people here, Blaine. If you want to change things, then we'll be here for you. And trust me, I've seen kids come through here with much bigger problems… the only people we've sent elsewhere for treatment had serious mental health issues that the therapists here aren't trained to deal with, but we've never given up."

"You don't think I have serious mental health issues?" Blaine watched as Katie shook her head.

"No. You have issues, yes, but you're not psychotic now that you're done with your detox. They haven't put you on any psychoactive medication, so clearly they don't think you need any intensive intervention. You're going to be fine, Blaine." Blaine nodded. "Go ahead and go back to your cabin… since you're new, you'll probably be first out of your Group. And try not to worry so much. You'll move through the colors as you're ready."

"Thanks, Katie."

"No problem."


	7. Blaine's Journal 2

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: Once again, a journal entry post! I actually sort of like these chapters, because sometimes it's just easier to let Blaine tell what's going on in his head than trying to figure out how to describe it. Plus this has always been one of my favorite things to write (I used to have a character, Asher, write his journal as a series of letters to his twin brother). Enjoy!**

October 19th, 2011

I am an idiot. Not sure why I'm bothering to write this, since it's almost illegible.

I punched a wall. Twice. I just… I couldn't stop myself, because I was so pissed off at everyone and everything and I just wanted to make someone hurt as much as I did right at that moment. But hitting someone else would have just gotten me an assault charge. So I did the stupidest thing imaginable and just ended up causing myself even more pain.

Writing left-handed is a pain in the ass. Robbie has been copying his notes for me, but I swear the kid has ADD, because they're all over the place. But I shouldn't complain – he's helping, even if it does take me a little while to piece together exactly what he's written down on the page. But I guess I should actually write about why I punched the damn wall.

I have a real problem with Sebastian's attitude towards prostitution. I know he doesn't understand what it's like to be forced into something like that, but still. He doesn't feel any shame about what he did. And I resent that he could do some of the same things I did without feeling guilty about them. That he got to _choose_ to do those things for fun, not because he had to do them to survive. Or worse…

Sometimes I wish I could go back to being thirteen and not knowing anything about having sex with other guys. To just knowing that I wanted to do that someday for fun, not being forced to look at it as an exchange of goods and services. To _looking forward_ to falling in love with some guy and being able to give myself to him like that. Because I'm never going to get it back. I'm going to always be thinking of those guys when I'm with someone else… worrying about whether or not guys are going to see me as damaged goods because of all of that. Because that's all I am, really. Like a broken piece of potter that someone's glued back together – whole, but the cracks are all still there and visible to the world if they look close enough.

I don't know if I can handle other people knowing the truth. I think some of the guys suspect, because of how I reacted to Sebastian. Or maybe they think I've been abused or something… and hell, let them think that. Because although my dad's never laid a hand on me, the words he uses to talk about me hurt almost as much. And I don't think people understand that. How much it hurts to hear your dad call you a fag every time he talks to you, or ignoring you unless it's to criticize something about how you look or dress or act. Always being afraid to do anything in front of him because you don't want to get yelled at. I just… I can't deal with it. Not anymore. I can't go back there.

I hate that people here know about my scars. Jack and Ian both know, and I just sort of assume they've told Lisa. I know that I told Jack that I didn't want to do it anymore… but I sort of wish I had a razor right now. And I know that it's bad and stupid and I shouldn't _want_ to do it. I'm in enough physical pain to begin with, thanks to not being able to have painkillers for my hand that you can't get over the counter. But it's not the same, and I just really want to feel that blade slicing through my skin because I feel like it would help. Because it's always helped in the past. I've even started trying to dig my nails into the palm of my hand, just trying to feel something because I know I _can't_ do that to myself here. But I'm afraid to tell anyone what I'm thinking of, because I don't want to be too sick to be here. I don't want to be put into some kind of hospital. I actually really don't want to leave Mountainview. I wouldn't say I'm happy… I haven't been happy for a long time, and it's hard being here and dealing with all of the things they want me to talk about and work on. But it's the only place I haven't felt threatened in a long time, and I guess that if I can't be happy being sort of comfortable is the best I can do.

There is this one guy, though, that confuses the hell out of me. Kurt. The first week I was here, I didn't hear him talk. Period. And from what everyone else said, he didn't ever talk.

Two days ago, everyone else went on a hike that we weren't allowed to go on – me because of my stupid hand, and Kurt because apparently you _have_ to talk to go on the hikes. Now that I think about it, maybe that's part of why Kurt doesn't talk, because he doesn't want to be forced on those hikes. Though I'd think that he'd want to get off reds so that he could at least do _something_ other than just sit around the cabin whenever he isn't in classes or therapy sessions.

It would have just been boring, being stuck in the cabin all day with someone who didn't talk, but the fact that Kurt actually said something to me just made things awkward. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one here that's heard his voice. And as weird as it was, I sort of wish he would say something to me again, because I sort of want to get to know him. There's something strangely fascinating about him, because he isn't like anyone else here…

God, you would think I was starting to fall for the guy. I don't even know anything about him… the only piece of information he's ever given me is that his parent's didn't have anything to do with why he's messed up enough to be here. Which isn't really anything, to be honest. Because I know that while my dad's a big part of my problems, it's not like that for everyone.


	8. Panic

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: I'm just going to go ahead and apologize now for Chuck being a bit… crude. He's a guy, and he's sort of fried his brain with drugs so his filter is a bit wonky at times. But hey, at least he isn't quite as bad as Adam Rapp, who apparently likes to tell stories about having giardiasis… trust me, you don't really want to know what that is (yes, these are the things I'm learning while writing my paper for my Modern Theatre History class…).**

Blaine was starting to hate the red wristband almost as much as he hated the cast that prevented him from using his right hand. Both stood in his way – the cast prevented him from doing some basic tasks for himself (or at least made them extremely difficult), and the wristband stopped him from doing anything other than doing his homework in his cabin and going to classes or his therapy sessions. It was awful, being stuck inside all day with someone who wouldn't talk, no matter how hard Blaine tried to get him to say something else. Kurt hadn't said a word to him since the rest of the Group had gotten back from their hiking trip, and it was starting to get annoying that the boy just had nothing at all to say.

"Relax, dude… giving your wristband the death glare isn't going to get rid of it any faster…" Blaine looked up as Chuck slouched down into the chair next to him at the table. "Just don't do anything stupid, like punching something, this week. You'll be off reds in no time."

"I just think it's ridiculous that they can't let you move as soon as you're ready… I don't want to be stuck waiting until Saturday. It sucks being stuck on reds," Blaine replied.

"But we've all been there. And some of us spent a _lot_ longer on reds than you have so far… look at Kurt. Dude's been here for _weeks_, and he's nowhere close to being off reds."

"Kurt doesn't do anything to try and get off reds… I'm working my ass off to earn that, and it's starting to get frustrating. I'm sick of being stuck looking at these walls all the time."

"You do realize that you're starting to sound like you want to get out of here, right? Because that's the last thing I would have thought you would want to do, given some of the things you've said in Group…" Chuck began. Blaine shrugged.

"I don't want to go home. But it would be nice to have some freedom around here. To not feel like I'm in jail or something."

"This place is _nothing_ like jail…" Chuck began. "Trust me… my parents couldn't bail me out the last time I got caught with drugs. I was stuck in juvie for three weeks, until my court date. This is like a five-star hotel compared to jail. The meals are hot, and there's always plenty to eat. You don't have people watching you all day and night, even when you're taking a dump. Well, unless you're on lockdown… but you've gotta be in some seriously deep shit to get to that point around here. They don't take your shit, but they aren't quick to punish you for stupid reasons. And they actually listen to you here, instead of just yelling at you like that's somehow going to make you understand what minor infraction you've just committed without realizing it. And it's not just the staff doing that in juvie…"

Blaine shook his head as Chuck spoke, shocked at all of the things the other boy was telling him about. While Blaine had spent nights in jail before, he'd always been kept in a holding cell separated from both the general population and the other people that were just there for the night. "Sounds like hell…"

"It _is_. But that's why I'm doing my best to stay here and not get myself into any more trouble… so that I don't have to end up there again. I'm doing everything I can to comply with the judge's orders that I stay here until graduation and stay clean. And the longer I'm here, the more I _want_ to make those changes." Blaine sighed, shaking his head.

"I don't know… sometimes, it's like I'm fine with it. I _want_ to be here, because it's better than being at home with my dad. But then there are times when I just wish I could tell these people to go fuck themselves, that I don't _need_ their help…"

"Dude… I don't know what happened to you, but someone's hurt you. Bad. And even though you may not think so, you really do need to let them help you, because that's the only way you're going to figure out how to deal with whatever's going on in that head." Blaine looked down as Chuck spoke, knowing that somehow the boy had seen through the walls he'd put up. That terrified Blaine; no one had ever broken through his defenses before. But then again, Blaine had never been in a position to _let_ anyone see through them before. On the streets, any sign of weakness was an invitation for someone to hurt you, and his father didn't give a shit so it was easy to hide his emotions. "It's tough, okay? We all get that… but you're not alone, and you're doing better than a lot of us did when we first got here. So chill, okay? It's like, four more days…"

"_If_ they decide I'm ready to move to orange…" Blaine replied.

"They will, dude… just quit worrying about it. And try to finish writing that paper for Beth's class. She's even tougher on late papers if you don't have a good excuse, and I don't think the hand's going to be a good enough excuse for her on this one…" Blaine smiled, shaking his head.

"Yeah… she said that if I couldn't write it myself, I should tell someone else what to write down so that it wouldn't be late," Blaine replied. "At least handwriting doesn't count… 'cause then I really would be screwed."

"Are you talking about the paper for Beth? Do you think you could hit me or something, give me a concussion so I can get an extension?" Robbie asked as he slid into one of the empty chairs. Blaine smirked, holding up his broken hand.

"I'm officially out of the punching business for at least six more weeks…" Blaine replied.

"Speaking of which, how's your hand? Is it healing okay?" Blaine shrugged in response to Robbie's question.

"The doctor said everything looks okay… the bones are all still in place, at least. But I have to keep going back for them to check it every week or so until the broken bones start to visibly fuse together," Blaine explained. "All I know is that I'm stuck with this cast for at least six weeks and I think it might drive me insane that I can't move my hand at all for almost two months."

The conversation was cut short by Scott's entrance with Kurt. The first thing Blaine noticed was that the silent boy was shaking, and Scott was practically carrying him in. Blaine stood up, walking over and putting an arm around Kurt without even realizing what he was doing. "I don't know what happened… one second he was fine, walking back from chemistry, and all of a sudden he was freaking out and he couldn't move… I had to practically carry him all the way back here," Scott explained. Blaine was surprised when Kurt suddenly threw himself at Blaine, latching on as though Blaine was a life jacket and he was floating in the middle of the ocean.

"Whoa… Kurt, what's wrong?" Blaine asked, rubbing the boy's back with his good hand. He wasn't sure exactly _why_ Kurt had chosen to latch onto him this way, but given how much he was shaking and the growing wet spot on Blaine's shoulder, Blaine was pretty sure that Kurt needed _someone_ to hold onto for the moment. And given the fact that Blaine was the only person in the entire cabin Kurt had even said one word to. Blaine looked up at Scott, who still looked pretty shocked about what was going on. "What was going on? Was there anything weird happening?"

"No… Brandon was giving a tour to a new guy and his family, but Kurt's seen that dozens of times. No one was really outside, because it's too cold to do much," Scott replied. Blaine gently rubbed Kurt's back, hoping that he could somehow comfort the boy even though he really had no idea what the problem was. "I'm getting Jack. I don't know what's going on…"

"You really think he'll talk to Jack? He hasn't so far…" Sebastian commented from his place on his bed, reading a book. "He's not going to talk, so what's the point?"

"Because maybe whatever's happened has freaked him out enough to say something about what's going on," Scott replied. "Can't you see he's freaking out?" Blaine felt Kurt shaking his head against his chest; the boy clearly didn't want anyone to try to talk to him.

"Kurt… tell us what happened…" Blaine whispered, leading the boy over towards the couch and sitting down. He was surprised when Kurt sat down practically on top of him, curling into Blaine's side. "Come on, Kurt… no one can help you if you don't tell us why you're so upset." Blaine was surprised when Kurt stood up again, pushing away from him quickly before stalking into the bathroom and slamming the door.

"What the hell?" Scott asked. Blaine shrugged, not sure himself about what had just happened.

"I don't know… I don't get it, either."

"He's never done anything like that before… and I don't know why he's suddenly so attached to you, when you've only been here a week and a half," Scott replied. Blaine shrugged, not mentioning the fact that he and Kurt had almost had a conversation a few days earlier.

"It is kind of weird… I've been trying to talk to him the whole time he's been here and he's never even responded to me," Robbie replied. "Why's he so attached to you? Did something happen while the rest of us were gone the other day?" Blaine shrugged.

"I dunno… I slept most of the day, and tried to get some schoolwork done. Not really sure what he did all day…" It wasn't really a lie – just an omission. And if Kurt didn't want to talk to anyone else, Blaine certainly wasn't going to let the others know that he actually _could_ talk. That was Kurt's business, and it was something that _he_ would have to be the one to tell. "Maybe he thought I would be good at comforting people since I'm smaller than he is and I _don't_ bounce around like I'm surviving on a diet of caffeine and caffeine alone."

"I still think I should go get Jack to try and talk to him… if something's going on, he needs to know so that it can be taken care of…" Blaine just shrugged, moving back to the table to finish his essay. It was pretty much an impossible task, given what had just happened. Whatever was going on with Kurt seemed to be a big deal, but the boy was refusing to talk about it.

Scott showed up with Jack again a few minutes later, and Jack disappeared into the bathroom where Kurt had hidden himself away. Everyone sort of seemed to be on edge, wondering what would happen instead of working on their schoolwork. But when Jack walked out, he sighed and shook his head.

"He still isn't talking?" Robbie asked.

"No… he didn't say anything to any of you?" Everyone in the room shook their heads. "Okay… just leave him alone for a while. Try and get him to come out for dinner, if you can. Blaine, can I talk to you for a minute? Outside?" Blaine just nodded, following Jack out to the little porch on the front of the cabin. It wasn't until he was out there that Blaine remembered how cold it was, or the fact that he only had on a thin tee shirt that didn't cover most of his arms. "I'd appreciate it if you tried talking to Kurt. Scott mentioned that the two of you seemed to have some kind of connection… you don't have to do anything, but it might help him since he seems to think that you're someone he can trust." Blaine nodded.

"Yeah, sure…"

"Get back inside before you catch a cold."

"Have you heard anything from my dad yet? About anything?" Blaine asked. He watched as Jack sighed and shook his head.

"He hasn't returned any of our calls yet, and he isn't answering the phone when we call."

"He'd probably tell you that I'm your problem now… that you can deal with whatever problems I cause…"

"We'll get things sorted out… I'll talk to some of the other Group leaders, see if they have any winter clothes you can borrow, just in case." Blaine nodded, sighing.

"Thanks."

"Go ahead back inside… it's too cold out here for you in just a tee shirt."


	9. Revelations

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So yeah… there are some things at the end of this chapter that might be difficult for some people. Fair warning.**

The first thing Blaine did when he walked back into the cabin was go straight to the bathroom door and knock. "Kurt… I'm coming in…" Blaine didn't expect any kind of response, but he was thankful that the boy didn't try to block the door. As soon as he was inside, Blaine shut the door and put his back against it, sliding down the door to sit so that he could see Kurt sitting across the room, his back against the wall underneath the window. "It's just you and me, okay? You're kind of freaking me out here… can you at least tell _me_ what's going on? I can talk to Jack for you, or at least let the guys know that you're okay…"

"Worry about yourself. I'm fine." Blaine sighed, shaking his head at the sound of his own words being thrown back at him.

"Okay… I deserved that. But _I_ didn't nearly have a panic attack for no apparent reason and then try to get out of talking about it," Blaine replied. He bit down on his bottom lip. "I'll explain if you will."

"You go first." Blaine nodded, biting down on his bottom lip. Choosing which part to explain was probably the most difficult bit.

"Okay… when I was fifteen, I actually went to school for six weeks. Straight. I lived with my mom for a little while back in Ohio." Blaine watched as Kurt looked up at the mention of Ohio. "I was born there… but my dad got custody in the divorce, and we moved out here pretty much as soon as the case was settled. My mom sort of got her life together, so the judge said I could live with her. I met a guy, Dan, and asked him to go with me to the Sadie Hawkins dance. At the end of the night, we were waiting for Dan's older brother to come pick us up, and a bunch of the football players followed us out into the parking lot. I don't really know a lot about what happened… my mom wouldn't tell me what they did, and I didn't ever see the footage in court. All I know is that I woke up in the hospital a week or so later, and when I came off the painkillers the nightmares started. They really only happen when I'm sober."

"You don't know what happened?" Blaine shook his head.

"I get bits and pieces sometimes. I had a therapist once that said I was repressing a lot of what happened. But she was also one of those crackpots that believes in reparative therapy, so who knows if she was actually right…" Blaine bit down on his bottom lip. "So, I told you my story. Do I get to hear yours now?"

"I saw someone from my past out there. Someone I can't face…" Kurt began. Blaine raised an eyebrow, watching as the boy started to break down again. Blaine was a little afraid of getting too close, because he didn't want Kurt to freak out on him. "His name is Dave. He… he was on the football team at my old school, and he would throw me into lockers, push me around. One day I just snapped. I couldn't take it any more, so I chased him to ask him _why_ he only seemed to pick on me. And he kissed me." Blaine could feel his eyes widening, surprised at that turn of events. "Yeah, tell me about it. He said that if I told anyone, he would kill me. And he reminded it about me constantly, whenever he got me alone for even a couple of seconds. When my dad and my stepmom were on their honeymoon in Hawaii, he managed to trap me in the bathroom…" Blaine filled in the blanks when Kurt trailed off.

"Shit… and he's _here_?" Blaine watched as Kurt nodded.

"I saw him with Brandon. Taking a tour of the campus with his parents. I don't think he saw me, but I don't think I can stay here if he's here… I can't be around him…" Blaine almost immediately started to get up as he heard Kurt's words.

"I'm telling Jack."

"No! Blaine, he'll kill me if he finds out I even told you…" Blaine shook his head, confused by what was going on. "They're going to make me leave soon, anyway. I haven't made any progress since I've been here. They're about to give up on helping me…"

"You don't know that… and you shouldn't have to worry about him all the time you're still here. It isn't fair to you…"

"I'm not going to talk about it."

"You _should_, Kurt… you can't let this guy get away with this. Your life is in danger, and you shouldn't have to run from him for the rest of your life," Blaine replied. He stood up, moving closer to Kurt so that he was sitting down right next to the other boy. "Kurt… he could do the same thing to someone else. You may not want to talk about it, but if you don't he's just going to keep doing the same things to other people." Blaine watched as Kurt closed his eyes.

"I _can't_." Blaine sighed, nodding. "Can you just… just don't leave me alone, okay?"

"Only if you'll talk to me… I can't help you if you keep quiet about everything going on. And if he says _anything_ to you, I want to know about it."

"I think I can do that."

"Then can we either have this conversation or get out of the bathroom? Because two guys hanging out in a bathroom is just kind of weird, you know? They're going to assume we're in here doing something…" Blaine began with a smirk. He watched as Kurt smiled, shaking his head and standing up. Blaine was surprised when Kurt reached out and took his good hand, helping him up. "Thanks."

"Just… I don't want to talk, okay? I can't deal with all of this…" the other boy whispered. Blaine nodded.

"Of course."

**LINE**

Despite his promise to Kurt, Blaine found it hard to never let the other boy be alone. Most of the problem came down to the fact that they were in different grades due to Blaine's poor school attendance record, but there was also the fact that there were certain times during the week when Blaine simply couldn't go with Kurt, such as when each of the boys were supposed to be meeting with their therapists – although Blaine really wasn't sure that Kurt was actually _going_ to his sessions.

"You look upset about something…" Blaine shrugged at Lisa's comment.

"I'm just worried about something that happened yesterday," Blaine replied, picking at something that had gotten on his cast so that he wouldn't have to look at the woman. "Kurt sort of freaked out… I don't know what happened, but he was really upset and he sort of latched onto me. Like he trusted me or something. And I don't get it, and I don't want to let him down or something…"

"Why do you think you'll let him down?" Blaine shrugged. He honestly didn't know _why_ he was afraid to let the other boy see that he wasn't exactly the best person to lean on in this situation. "There must be a reason…"

"Because I've always let everyone down. I've never been good enough… my dad hates me, my mom won't get her shit together enough for me to live with her again. Anyone I've ever had any kind of relationship with has given up on me… so why shouldn't he give up on me, too?"

"Why do you think everyone else has given up on you? I certainly haven't… no one here has," Lisa replied.

"Give it time… you will eventually. Everyone does eventually. It's just a matter of time before you all realize I'm hopeless, too."

"Why do you think you're worthless, Blaine?"

"It's what my dad always says… he's never been okay with the idea that I'm gay, and he just doesn't care about me. He doesn't return anyone's phone calls around here, I still don't have any winter clothes and it's been almost three weeks. Obviously I'm not worth anything if he won't do something _that_ basic."

"And you think that your father's opinion determines your worth?" Blaine shrugged.

"He's the one person that's _supposed_ to care. _Always_. And he just… he doesn't. And my mom doesn't, either, because she can't get her life together enough so that I can live with her instead… I don't mean anything to them. And if I don't even mean anything to my parents, how can I be worth anything to anyone else?"

"Blaine, if he didn't care, why did your father send you here? Don't you think…"

"The judge _made_ him send me here… he didn't have a choice."

"You don't think your father would have sent you somewhere like this, even if the judge hadn't forced his hand?" Blaine shook his head, rolling his eyes.

"My father's idea of the kind of help I need involves pretty much anything he can think of that _might_ turn me straight. Every other therapist or school he's tried to send me to has tried to _force_ me to be someone I'm not. This is the only place he's sent me that I've actually liked, that I haven't tried to run away from… but it's only a matter of time before he figures out some way to fuck with my head again. That's all he ever really wants to do…" Blaine closed his eyes, sighing. "Can I just go now? I don't want to talk about my dad anymore."

"Then why don't you talk about why you're worried about Kurt…"

"I don't want to talk."

"Blaine… this isn't the way to get off reds. We need you to talk to us, to let us know what's going on so we can work through these issues… you're not going to get through these things if you aren't willing to talk about them."

"I just need a break. I… I can't talk about him. I can't _do_ this right now…" Blaine stood up, walking towards the door.

"Blaine… please, just come sit back down. We can talk about something else… whatever you want to talk about," Lisa replied. Blaine shook his head, sighing. He closed his eyes, biting down on his bottom lip.

"I've been having nightmares. I think everyone's noticed. The worst part is that I don't remember the thing I'm having nightmares about, and none of it makes any sense and I can't make it stop…" Blaine felt his nails digging into the palm of his hand. The last thing he wanted to talk about was the gaps in his memory, but somehow the words were just spilling out. "I've been told over and over that I'm repressing something that happened to me. And all I have are the nightmares, but they don't even really make any sense."

"Why don't you come sit back down? We can talk, see if there's anything I can do to help you figure out what's missing…" Lisa began. Blaine shrugged, shaking his head. "Blaine, I _want_ to help you. But you have to be willing to open up and talk to me. There aren't any magic words I can say that will make you better… this is _work_, and I can't do it for you."

"I know…" Blaine shook his head again, turning back to look at the woman. "I just don't think… what if they planted it all in my head? What if it's all lies, things they made me think in their twisted desire to change me?"

"We won't know that until we start working through these issues. And I need you to tell me what happens in these nightmares if we're going to deal with it." Blaine walked slowly back to his chair, sinking down into it.

"That's just it… _nothing_ happens. But I keep expecting something horrible. It's like I know what's coming, but I can't remember what it is and I can't get away from it but it just never _happens_. And I'm so afraid…"

"What are you afraid of?" Blaine closed his eyes, thinking about what he was going to say. It was terrifying, the way the images just immediately bubbled to the surface, faster and faster until he was lost in them. Hands groping him in the darkness, ripping at his clothing as Blaine tried to fight them off. "Blaine? You can talk to me, okay?"

"It's just… it's dark, and there are hands all over me. And somehow I know that something bad is happening, or that it's going to happen, but it just never comes. And I'm terrified…" Blaine bit down on his bottom lip, trying to control himself. He didn't want to do this; if he was repressing something, clearly there was a reason his mind didn't want him to remember it. And Blaine _really_ didn't want to remember something like that. He could feel his heart starting to race, even as he tried to stop things coming back up.

"Blaine?" Blaine shook his head, his nails starting to dig into his palm again. "Blaine, please, tell me what's going on… I can't help you through this if I don't know what you're thinking," Lisa commented.

"I'm afraid of what's going to come up… I normally just try to ignore the dreams and not think about it."

"I know it's scary. But the best way to make the nightmares stop is to face your fears and deal with the problem." Blaine shook his head, closing his eyes as he fought back tears. "I know you're upset, Blaine. Things like this are difficult to deal with. But I need you to trust me that this is going to be for the best. It'll be a relief for you to know what happened and be able to work through it."

"I just… I don't know that I can handle this," Blaine admitted. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down enough to focus on what he needed to do.

"You're strong, Blaine… and you've got a lot of people here willing to help you, if you'll let us in and admit that you need it. But we need you to talk about what's going on." Blaine nodded, his teeth continuing to play with his bottom lip. "Are there any gaps in your memory? Times when you might have been hurt by someone without remembering it?" Blaine nodded again, trying to collect his thoughts before he responded.

"Two years ago… when I lived with my mom…"

"What happened?" Lisa asked.

"I went to a dance with a friend from school… it was kind of my first date. I don't remember what happened, but I remember some of the football players harassing us while we waited for our ride. I woke up in the hospital a week later… I didn't ever find out what they did…"

"Your mother didn't tell you? You weren't allowed in court?"

"My dad brought me back to Colorado before the trial… he got the judge to take away my mother's parental rights. He wouldn't take me to Ohio… I think the guys got off, because I wasn't there to testify against them. Not that it would have done any good, because I don't remember anything that happened." Blaine swallowed hard. "My dad didn't want to listen to anything… his only response was that I deserved it, for being gay. That it was my own fault, and that he wasn't going to listen to anything I had to say about what happened."

"Why don't you tell me about the dream… what happens?" Blaine shrugged, trying to think about what he remembered of the dream.

"It's just… dark. There isn't any light, and I can't see any of the people around me. But I know they're there. And there are hands… lots of hands. All over me. And I can't get away from them. There's no way to escape. And no matter how much I beg, they won't stop… they don't go away…" As he spoke, it was as if Blaine was experiencing it over and over again; he could feel the hands, someone's hot breath on the back of his neck. That was new. "Someone's behind me… breathing down my neck…" Blaine could feel the hands touching him, tearing at his clothes.

_You like this, don't you faggot?_

Blaine could feel his heart racing. It was the first time he'd heard words to go along with the strange sensations; it was becoming more real. The worst part was the fact that Blaine recognized the voice as someone he'd gone to school with in Ohio. Dan.

Blaine couldn't breathe. Things were completely out of his control, and he couldn't even begin to process what was happening. "Blaine? Blaine, I need you to breathe…"

Blaine couldn't help the choked sob that escaped from his throat; he didn't want to fight to breathe. He didn't want to fight this anymore. Blaine just wanted it to be over.


	10. Missing

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So I've been planning this chapter for a bit now; I've sort of known what I wanted to do, it was just a matter of deciding when would be the best time to do it. I think it works best here, so here you go!**

Blaine really wasn't completely sure where he was when he woke up. It was too quiet to be his dorm – at least one person in cabin six snored, and Robbie didn't sleep very much so there was always some kind of noise going on. But Blaine really couldn't explain why he _wasn't_ in his cabin. After all, he had clearly been asleep and he didn't understand why he would be sleeping anywhere other than in his bed.

"Mr. Anderson… this is Dr. Ian Belasco from Mountainview Academy. We still need to speak with you about your son's condition. If you could call us back…"

Blaine groaned slightly, wondering where Ian had come from. Now that he was thinking about it, the last place he remembered being was in Lisa's office. But hearing the doctor's voice was confusing, and Blaine really wasn't sure whether or not he could trust his memory of the situation.

"Blaine? Can you hear me?" Blaine turned at the sound of Lisa's voice, opening his eyes to glance at the woman. He realized that he was lying on the floor on his side, sort of looking up at the woman. He really couldn't explain how he'd gotten there from the chair he'd been sitting in. "How are you feeling?"

"Confused… what happened?" Blaine asked, starting to sit up. He wasn't all that surprised that Lisa insisted on helping him sit up and lean back against a chair. She apparently didn't trust him to get up on his own.

"You had a panic attack and hyperventilated. I asked Ian to help me make sure you were alright," Lisa explained. Blaine nodded, reaching up to rub at his temples. He hadn't had a headache before, but he definitely had one now. Otherwise, Blaine just felt exhausted, but he was sort of thankful that Lisa had cared enough to bring in the doctor to make sure he was okay. Blaine looked up as Ian walked over and knelt down next to Lisa.

"How are you feeling?"

Blaine shrugged, closing his eyes again. "Tired. My head hurts…"

"That's pretty normal. I want you to try and follow my finger with your eyes." Blaine did as he was told, watching Ian move his finger slowly around his field of vision. "Good… I think he's fine. It doesn't really look like he hit his head on anything. I think all he really needs is some rest…"

Blaine sort of zoned out as Ian and Lisa started talking to one another about his situation. He didn't really care all that much about what they were saying; the truth was, they were going to do whatever they thought was best for him without Blaine's input. All he could really think about was the fact that _Dan_ had something to do with what had happened to him. Dan… the guy that had encouraged him to come out. The guy that had agreed to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance as his date. And he'd done something to Blaine – something that Blaine couldn't remember and that he wasn't sure he _wanted_ to remember. It was terrifying, to think that someone could betray him so easily, and Blaine couldn't help the tears that started to trickle down his face as he sat there thinking about all of it.

Blaine couldn't stop the panic attack from starting again as he thought about what he was starting to remember. His heart began to race and he couldn't help the sobs that escaped from his throat, bringing Lisa and Ian back to kneel next to him.

"Blaine? Blaine, you need to calm down, okay? Talk to me, tell me what's going on…" Lisa began. Blaine shook his head, burying his face in his hands for a few moments. He couldn't even bring himself to say anything about what was going on in his head.

"It's okay… just breathe. There's nothing here to hurt you, Blaine. Just slow, deep breaths, in and out," Ian coached. Blaine did his best to focus on what Ian was saying instead of his emotions, but they were difficult to control. Finally it seemed as though Blaine was getting a grip on his emotions, and he buried his face in his hands in exhaustion. All Blaine really wanted to do was go back to his bed and curl up under the covers until the next morning.

"Blaine? Blaine, look at me." Blaine turned to look at Lisa as she spoke. "Blaine, Ian's going to walk you back to your cabin right now, so you can get your things to spend the night in the infirmary…"

"Why?" Blaine was confused; he didn't understand why he couldn't just go back to his bed and get some rest. "I just want to go back to my cabin and get some sleep… I'm just tired, I don't need to be in the infirmary…"

"We're worried about you, Blaine… this isn't a punishment, it's just our way of keeping an eye on you while you work through what happened earlier," Ian explained. "We just think it would be best if you weren't left alone right now."

Blaine shook his head. "I'm never alone…"

"I know. But we want to have you with an adult tonight, someone who has some experience with this kind of situation," Lisa replied. Blaine sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"Okay… whatever."

Blaine let the man help him to his feet and start leading him out of the room and towards Cabin Six. At some point the jacket he'd borrowed from Ian ended up around his shoulders again, although Blaine wasn't totally sure when that had happened.

"What happens now?"

"Tonight you'll sleep in the infirmary, where one of the nurses can keep an eye on you. And tomorrow morning you'll meet with Lisa again instead of going to class, so that she can make sure you're alright…"

"You think I'm suicidal." Blaine didn't even think about it before the words came out of his mouth.

"We're worried about that, yes. Whatever happened back there, it was serious. And you don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to dealing with your problems. So to make sure that you're okay, we think it's going to be best for you to stay where someone can keep an eye on you, just until you're in a better state of mind."

"I just realized that the only real friend I ever had betrayed me in the worst way possible… I don't think there _is_ a good state of mind to be found here…" Blaine muttered, closing his eyes for a moment and stopping in his tracks. "I just… I need to be alone. I need time to think…"

"I'll make sure that no one bothers you once we get to the infirmary, but I don't think that being alone is in your best interest. We'll get you a change of clothes and your journal from your cabin, and then we'll get you settled in." Blaine just sighed, nodding and following Ian. He knew that he really didn't have much choice but to agree to the plan. Not that he really had the energy to fight with anyone at the moment; his recent blackout had drained him of what little energy he'd had after several weeks of not getting very much sleep.

As soon as Blaine walked into the cabin, he sensed that something was wrong. Kurt's bed was empty, which wasn't normal because the boy almost never left the safety of his bunk. And the bathroom door was wide, open, meaning that no one was in there. "Where's Kurt?"

"He left… like, ten minutes ago. Dunno where he was going, because he doesn't have therapy this afternoon and group isn't until later…" Sebastian replied.

"He probably went to the infirmary," Ian commented, putting a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "Just get your stuff, I'm sure he's fine." Blaine didn't feel right about just ignoring the fact that Kurt wasn't in their cabin; it just wasn't like the boy to not _be_ there. But Blaine did as he was told, grabbing his pajamas and his journal to take them to the infirmary.

"Dude… is something wrong? You aren't sick, are you?" Robbie asked. Blaine shook his head.

"I'm fine."

"Blaine's had a rough day…" Ian began.

"They're putting you on suicide watch, aren't they? That's what's going on here…" Scott began.

"What happened?" Liam asked.

"Guys… leave Blaine alone, okay? Now isn't a good time for asking a lot of questions. He's going to be in the infirmary tonight, and he's going to be talking to Lisa again tomorrow. But Blaine's going to be fine, and he just needs you to give him some space right now." Blaine closed his eyes, sitting down on his bed for a moment and closing his eyes.

"We can watch him… he'll be fine here, with us," Chuck replied.

"Yeah… if Blaine doesn't want to go to the infirmary he shouldn't have to, especially if he isn't actually sick." Blaine smiled slightly at Liam as the other boys attempted to talk Ian into letting him stay in the cabin that night.

"Guys, this is a stress you guys don't need to put on yourselves. Just relax and let the staff take care of this one, okay? We know what we're doing, and we're going to make sure that Blaine is fine."

"Guys… it's pointless to argue on this one. It's one night, it's not a big deal." Honestly, Blaine sort of just wanted to get to the infirmary so that his worries about Kurt could be proven wrong. Blaine shrugged Ian's hand off as the man started to lead him out of the door. While Blaine knew that he had to go with Ian, that didn't mean that he wanted the man touching him. Especially not after what he'd remembered earlier in the day.

The walk back to the infirmary was silent; Blaine had nothing to say, and Ian had clearly been instructed not to push him into talking about anything. It wasn't until they were inside the infirmary that Blaine spoke, turning to Katie as soon as they were inside. "Is Kurt here?"

"Kurt Hummel?" the woman asked, shaking her head. "I haven't seen him… not since he was coming down here with you." Blaine shook his head, confused.

"Blaine, I'm sure he's fine…" Ian began. Blaine didn't give the man a chance to finish; he had to find Kurt, to protect the boy from whatever was going on. "Blaine!"

Blaine didn't really know what he was doing; he was just running, trying to figure out where he needed to go to look for Kurt. The worst part was that Blaine had no idea where the boy would be, or even where he should begin looking for him. Blaine just kept moving, looking anywhere and everywhere he could think of for the other boy.

The first strange thing Blaine noticed about the storage shed was that the lock had been knocked off and the door pushed open just enough for someone to get inside. But it wasn't until he heard someone's voice that Blaine realized exactly what was going on. "I know you told someone… who did you tell, freak?" Blaine's heart dropped into his stomach at the sound of a garbled response. Blaine pushed his way into the shed, not at all surprised to see the tall, muscular new kid from Cabin Two pushing Kurt up against a wall so that the boy could barely breathe.

Blaine's first reaction was to grab the boy, despite the fact that he was much larger than Blaine, and try to punch him in the face – an attempt that sent pain shooting through Blaine's already broken hand as the fiberglass cast broke from the force of the hit. It wasn't exactly the best idea, but then again Blaine wasn't exactly known for having good ideas when he was upset about something. And seeing Kurt pushed up against the wall, so helpless against this boy that outweighed him by at least fifty pounds, made Blaine furious.

Blaine didn't really know _how_ the other boy managed to get hold of him; he'd always been fast because of his small size. But somehow Blaine ended up pinned against the wall, the larger boy's hand blocking his airway so that he couldn't breathe. "Who is this… your little faggot boyfriend?" Blaine reached up with his only good hand, clawing at the other boy's hand and wrist in an attempt to make him let go. The other boy just laughed at his attempts, before Blaine felt a fist collide with his nose. All Blaine could taste was blood, but it was a sensation that didn't last long as a lack of oxygen finally caused Blaine to black out.


	11. Bad Memories

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So I'm going to apologize now for the way this chapter jumps around a bit (I had to use a LOT of breaks in this one to get what I wanted out of it). OH, and if anyone else is doing Camp NaNoWriMo, I'm lolitarun on there as well – I have an original idea that I'm going to be working on in the month of June, and if I finish I might just post it on FictionPress in July (although if it comes out well I might just try to publish it instead). But yeah, if any of you would like to chat on there or add me to your cabins, feel free!**

**Oh, and yeah… I sort of made a decision in this chapter that really isn't going to affect the Kurt and Blaine storyline at all. I just thought it would be fun to have as a side thing in the story. Anyways, enjoy!**

Jack Bryant knew that there would be an explosion of questions the moment he walked into Cabin Six, given the fact that two of his seven students had been out of the building when the school had gone on lockdown. The biggest question on his mind was how he would go about explaining the situation to the other five boys.

"Dude… what's going on? Where's Kurt?" Jack sighed as Robbie nearly launched himself off the sofa as Jack walked into the room.

"Guys, I need to talk to you…"

"Hummel didn't off himself did he?" Sebastian asked with a smirk. Somehow, the boy annoyed Jack even more than normal at the moment.

"No, Sebastian. Kurt didn't do anything to himself. But we need to talk about what happened, so that it won't be repeated," Jack replied. He waited until the group was assembled at the table and on the sofa, waiting for him to speak. "Someone who bullied Kurt at his old school ended up here. He somehow managed to corner Kurt in the shed where we keep the camping gear when it isn't being used, and Blaine found them."

"What did the jackass do to Kurt?" Jack held up his hands as Scott stood up, furious, followed closely by Liam and even the usually sedate Chuck.

"Guys… calm down. I can't talk to you about the details because we don't even know all of them yet. Kurt's talking to the police right now, and they've taken Blaine to the ER… the campus is going to stay on lockdown until the police have finished their investigation."

"What about the guy who started all of this? What happened to him?" Chuck asked.

"He's in police custody," Jack replied, shaking his head. "Like I said, we don't really know what happened. But until they finish investigating and reviewing the video footage, all three boys will be in police custody."

"But Kurt and Blaine are okay, right? Or Blaine's at least going to be okay?" Liam asked.

"I don't really know… I haven't seen either of them yet, and I only know what I've been told. I'll let you know more as I can, but for now I have to go deal with the police…" Jack closed his eyes at the eruption of commentary from the group of boys. "Guys! Just… stay in the dorm for now. Someone will either come walk you to the main cabin for dinner or bring something for you to eat, but you can't leave without permission from a staff member."

Jack hurried back to Lisa's office as soon as he was able to get away from the cabin full of worried teenaged boys, knowing that Kurt was being held there until the police could question him. The boy looked terrified, and Jack walked over to him quickly, kneeling down so that he could look the boy in the eye. "Are you okay, Kurt?"

"I'm fine." Jack was shocked by the whispered response; it was the first time he'd heard the boy's voice. "Blaine's going to be okay, right?"

"I don't know anything yet. But I'll be sure to let you know as soon as I hear something, okay?" Jack smiled as Kurt nodded. "You'll talk to the police?"

"Of course." Jack looked up as he heard the door opening again, moving to sit on the couch next to Kurt but keeping his distance. He didn't know what had happened, and the last thing Jack wanted to do was upset the boy.

"You must be Jack Bryant… I'm Detective Woods, and this is my partner, Detective Miller." Jack smiled at the dark-haired woman, standing up and reaching out to shake her extended hand, followed by the hand of the tall dark-skinned man that followed her into the room. "I've been warned about Kurt's issues with talking…"

"He's willing to talk," Jack replied, moving back to his seat.

"Kurt, can you tell me what happened?"

* * *

Kurt was terrified; he'd been walking back to his chemistry classroom to get the lab notebook he'd forgotten, until he'd felt someone grab his arm and haul him through the open door of a storage shed that was used to hold camping equipment. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now…" Kurt couldn't help the sob that escaped his throat as he realized that it was Dave Karofsky… the last person Kurt ever wanted to be alone with.

"I haven't told anyone…" Kurt began. He winced as Dave threw him into a wall, closing his eyes and fighting his urge to cry out because he knew it wouldn't do him any good.

"Bullshit!"

"I promise! I didn't say a word!" Kurt winced as he felt Dave pushing him up against the wall, pressing up against him in a way that only reminded Kurt of what had happened when they had been alone in the locker room at McKinley the second time.

"Then what the fuck am I doing here?" Kurt shook his head, keeping his eyes closed because he couldn't face the other boy. He couldn't see the anger in those eyes again, not without knowing what would come from it. There had only ever been one outcome when Dave Karofsky had gotten angry with Kurt, and it wouldn't end well.

"I don't know! I didn't do anything!" Kurt whimpered as he felt Dave pressing himself against Kurt's thigh. It was too much like their last encounter in the locker room at McKinley, and Kurt couldn't help himself. "Please don't…" he begged, trying to keep Dave from touching him. Not that he could, given the drastic difference in their sizes.

"Don't what?" Dave asked. Kurt whimpered as Dave pressed even harder against his leg. He could feel the boy getting hard against his leg, and Kurt was terrified. The last thing he wanted was for Dave to repeat what had happened the last time they had been in this position. He couldn't speak; Kurt was too terrified of what was going to happen to respond at all. All he could do was try to prepare himself for what he knew was going to happen as Dave started messing with the waistband of his pants.

* * *

"We're going to need to take Kurt into the station," Detective Miller commented. Jack glanced at the boy, raising an eyebrow.

"Is that really necessary? Kurt didn't do anything…" Jack began.

"We just need him to see the medical examiner… his clothing is evidence, and she'll need to collect it properly," Detective Woods replied. Jack nodded, turning to look at Kurt again. The boy just nodded, pulling his knees to his chest as if he was terrified of the prospect.

"I just want to know that Blaine's okay…" Kurt whispered.

"I'll see if I can find out anything," Jack replied. "I can follow you to the station in my car, so that I can bring him back to campus when he's finished." He stood up as the detectives started to walk over to them, making sure that Kurt didn't freak out about the situation. The last thing Jack wanted was for the boy to have a panic attack or something. He knew that Kurt just needed to get through this so that he could heal from what had just happened. Jack's mind was still sort of reeling from everything that Kurt had told the police – the years of abuse at that boy's hands, the assaults that had taken place over and over again, what the boy had threatened to do when they were in the shed. It was horrifying to even think that a boy like that had gotten this far into life without getting into serious trouble before.

"We should get moving… I know we still need to question David Karofsky down at the station, and I'd like to get this all settled as quickly as possible so that you don't have to deal with all of this for any longer than necessary."

"Thank you, Detective Woods."

The drive into town seemed to take longer than usual, even though Jack was following the police cruiser that held Kurt. He spent much of the ride trying to get through to Ian, who had accompanied Blaine on the ride to the hospital. But for whatever reason, Ian didn't pick up his cell phone until they were almost to the police station.

"_Hello?_"

"Ian? It's Jack… have they told you anything about Blaine yet?" Jack didn't like the sound of the sigh that came through over the phone.

"_They took him into surgery about an hour or so ago to fix his hand… he rebroke it in a few places and they couldn't realign the bones. But he's been breathing on his own just fine, and they said that with a few days of rest he should be fine._"

"That's good to hear. Kurt's pretty freaked out about all of this…"

"_I'll let you know when he's okay for visitors… it might help if Kurt can see that Blaine's going to be fine_."

"I was thinking the same thing. Thanks, Ian."

"_No problem, babe. I'll see you later tonight._"

"Are you going to come home?"

"_I don't think I'm going to be needed here after Blaine's out of recovery. Unless something changes, I should be coming home tonight._"

"I'll bring you something for dinner when I bring Kurt by, if he wants to come. Love you."

"_Love you, too._"

At the police station, Jack was forced to wait in a lobby while Kurt met with the medical examiner. It wasn't until after they were already at the station that Jack realized he hadn't brought a change of clothes for Kurt; it hadn't even crossed Jack's mind, and he knew that Kurt probably hadn't considered the idea because he was so worried about everything else going on. It wasn't until Kurt walked out in a pair of sweatpants and a police department hoodie that Jack realized that they were probably used to that kind of thing.

Jack was surprised when Kurt walked over to him, sitting down and pulling his knees up to his chest on the bench next to Jack. The man could tell that the boy was upset; he'd clearly been crying. "Kurt…"

"How's Blaine?" The boy clearly didn't want to talk about whatever it was that had upset him.

"Ian said he's in surgery right now." Jack raised a hand to stop Kurt from speaking as soon as he realized the boy was going to freak out. "He hit the other boy with his broken hand, and it messed his hand up badly enough that the doctors had to operate to fix it. Blaine's going to be fine… Ian said that he's just going to need to rest for a while." Jack watched as Kurt just nodded, burying his face in his knees. "Hey… Ian's going to let me know when Blaine's feeling up to having visitors. If you want to see him, I'll drive you to the hospital." Jack carefully put a hand on Kurt's shoulder as he spoke, watching for the boy's reaction to him.

"Please." Jack nodded, smiling.

"Of course. It might be tomorrow morning, because I'm not sure about visiting hours and policies at the hospital, but if it'll help I'll be glad to take you. But you have to promise me something in return…" Jack watched as Kurt looked up, raising an eyebrow. "I need you to promise me that you'll start talking to all of us. It's time to start working through your problems. We don't want to send you somewhere else, but if you don't start talking about what's happened to you so that you can work through it we aren't going to have much choice but to find somewhere more appropriate for your situation."

"What do you mean?" Jack sighed.

"We can't help you if you aren't willing to talk, Kurt. It's not that we don't _want_ to help you… but we can't keep trying indefinitely. If you won't accept our help…"

"Okay." Jack raised an eyebrow as the boy interrupted him. It was a huge change, given the fact that before today Jack had never even heard the boy speak, let alone actually interrupt someone. "Just… please don't send me away."

"That's the last thing we want to do. But you have to work with us." Jack squeezed the boy's shoulder. "Let's get you back to campus, now that you're free to go. You going to be okay with that?" Jack watched as the boy nodded, sighing.

* * *

Jack wasn't all that surprised when Ian didn't climb into bed until well after midnight. "Everything alright at the hospital?"

"It's okay… Blaine was pretty freaked out when he woke up after the surgery, but they got him calmed down and resting. It should be fine for you to take Kurt to see him tomorrow, if it'll help things," Ian replied. Jack just nodded, leaning in and pressing a kiss against his partner's lips as the doctor cuddled a bit closer to him.

"I love you."

"Love you, too."


	12. Heavy Conversations

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: Alright… some real insight into how Blaine's doing after everything that's already happened! Hope you all enjoy!**

Being in the hospital really sucked. Blaine had known that long before everything that had happened, but the fact that he wasn't allowed to speak made it worse. His throat hurt pretty badly, even though his doctor had insisted that he not eat anything for a few days while it healed. He really hadn't liked the idea of the feeding tube that snaked up his right nostril and down his throat into his stomach despite the fact that he couldn't breathe through his nose. Of course, Blaine wasn't being given a choice about any of it.

Blaine's hand hurt like hell, too. He vaguely remembered being told that he would need surgery when he'd arrived at the hospital the night before, but he didn't remember exactly _why_ the doctors had decided that it was necessary this time around. All he knew was that his hand was heavily bandaged to prevent him from moving his fingers or thumb and that he really wasn't sure that he wanted to know what it actually looked like under all of the gauze.

Mostly, Blaine had been drifting in and out of consciousness due to the influence of the strong painkillers he was being given to deal with both his hand and his throat. So when he woke up and saw Jack walking into the room, he was sort of happy to see the man. He'd been alone the whole night; Blaine didn't really remember Ian leaving, but he knew that the man had left at some point not long after Blaine had calmed down enough to actually get some sleep. To be honest, Blaine was just ready to have someone there to break up the tedium.

"Blaine, do you think you'd feel up to having a visitor for a little while?" the man asked. Blaine nodded quickly, smiling slightly. He didn't even care that he wasn't supposed to talk; at least having someone to talk to him while he could keep himself awake would break up the tedium. It wasn't until Kurt walked into the room behind the man that Blaine realized what was going on. His smile widened some as he saw the boy start walking over to him. It wasn't until Kurt faltered that Blaine realized he probably looked like hell; that was the one thing Blaine hadn't even really thought about. "I'm going to go downstairs and get a cup of coffee while the two of you hang out."

"Are you sure this is okay?" Blaine closed his eyes for a moment as Kurt asked Jack that question. He could hear the trepidation in the boy's voice.

"It's fine, Kurt. He's not going to be able to talk to you, but he's feeling well enough for you to hang out with him for a while. Right, Blaine?" Blaine nodded in Kurt's direction, reaching out his good hand towards the boy to show that he wanted him to stay. Even though Kurt still looked hesitant, he moved towards Blaine and sat down in the recliner next to the bed that Blaine hadn't gotten into yet. "Like I said, I'll be back in a little while." Blaine watched as Jack walked out of the room, before turning slightly so that he could see Kurt.

"If you don't want me here, I can leave…" Kurt began. Blaine fumbled around trying to find the markerboard that someone had left for him to use to communicate, pulling the cap off the marker with his teeth.

_STAY_

The word was shaky and just barely legible, but Blaine showed it to Kurt anyway. "Why? I'm the reason you're in this mess…" Blaine shook his head, closing his eyes. "You wouldn't have gotten hurt if you hadn't been trying to protect me." Blaine scribbled a word on the board underneath his first, showing it to Kurt quickly.

_STOP_

"Blaine… you _told_ me to tell someone about all of that. And I didn't. Not until it was too late, until after you'd already gotten hurt. And now you're stuck in the hospital, and your hand's messed up and you can't talk… even if it's only temporary, it isn't fair. You didn't have to get involved in all of this…" Blaine erased the earlier words from his board, scrawling out a response that was just barely legible since he was writing with his non-dominant hand.

_I was worried about you. If you're okay, it was worth it._

Blaine watched as Kurt frowned. The boy didn't exactly seem happy with Blaine's reasoning. "Blaine…" Blaine watched as the boy closed his eyes, shaking his head and starting to tear up. "I'm not okay, and I haven't been for a long time. I'm broken. You can't fix me… I don't know that anyone can. And I don't want to hurt you." Blaine was confused; his head was clouded from the painkillers, and he couldn't quite process what Kurt was trying to say. "I should… I should just go."

Kurt got up and started towards the door before Blaine could do anything about it. "Kurt… stop."

The sound of his own voice surprised Blaine; it was awful and hoarse sounding, and he could understand why he wasn't supposed to talk when he realized just how much it actually hurt. But it was enough to get Kurt to stop walking and turn around to look at him again. Blaine quickly wrote on the markerboard, turning it so that Kurt could read what he'd written.

_I'm broken, too. But I don't think us being friends would hurt._

"You trying to be my friend has already gotten you hurt. You're in the hospital because you tried to be my friend."

_So? I'm okay._

"But you're _not_, Blaine. You're in the hospital… because you were trying to protect me from someone I should have been able to protect myself from, if I'd just been willing to tell someone. And I'm not going to be able to forgive myself for this… it's all my fault."

_No, it's his fault. He's the one with the problem. He fucked things up._

Blaine watched as Kurt read the words on the board and sighed before he walked up to the bed and sat down on the side of it. "I'm just… I don't want to hurt you. And I feel like that's all I've managed to do so far." Blaine reached out and put his hand on Kurt's knee for a moment. "I sort of like you, okay? Which is stupid because I barely know you, but it's true. And I know you probably don't feel the same way, and I'll ask to transfer to a different cabin if that's what you want." Blaine shook his head, moving to erase the board again and write a reply.

_You don't have to move. I don't want you to move._

Blaine let Kurt read his words, before he quickly erased them to write another message.

_I can't say that I feel the same way… I don't know you that well. But I don't want you to leave._

"It doesn't freak you out that I have feelings for you?" Blaine shook his head, smiling slightly.

_It's sort of flattering._

Blaine watched as Kurt started to blush, the redness going all the way to his ears. "You don't think it's weird?" Blaine shook his head, closing his eyes. "You're tired… I should let you go to sleep…" Blaine reached out and grabbed Kurt's hand as he felt the boy starting to get up.

_Please stay._

Blaine smiled as Kurt sat back down, sort of wondering if it would be awkward to pull Kurt closer. Blaine wanted nothing more than to have someone to hold him, to have that kind of comfort, but he knew it really wasn't possible. He didn't have anyone to do that for him; he'd never had anyone who really cared about him enough to try to comfort him when he was upset. So when Kurt moved so that they were sitting side by side, it was a little awkward for Blaine. He wanted to move so that he could actually cuddle with the other boy, but Blaine wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of showing anyone physical affection.

"You can lean against me, if you want…" Kurt commented. Blaine shifted slightly, still a little uncomfortable with the idea of being so close to the other boy because he'd never _had_ someone willing to let him get that close before. "If it's too weird, you don't have to…" Blaine wiped the board again.

_I'm just not used to physical affection. My family's not exactly close…_

Blaine was sort of glad that he couldn't see the look on Kurt's face, especially when he heard the boy's response. "I'm sorry…"

_Don't be. I'm used to it._

"But you _shouldn't_ have to be used to it…" Kurt began. Blaine rolled his eyes; he'd heard it before, of course, but it was just sort of annoying to have to listen to the same thing over and over again. It wasn't going to change things. It wasn't going to make his father be any more accepting or loving. And Blaine hated how people seemed to get so upset about his family situation. He found it upsetting, of course, but there really wasn't anything he could do to change it and it was just easier to ignore things than to actually acknowledge the fact that something was wrong and needed to change. "It's just… it's not fair, that someone like you would be treated that way. When you're such a nice guy, and you care so much. It's just… you deserve to have a really great family that loves you." Blaine couldn't help but smile, writing something on the markerboard.

_I wouldn't have met you if I did… in my case, my family is most of the reason why I'm so fucked up._

"You aren't that fucked up… not like me." Blaine turned so that he could see Kurt's face and raised an eyebrow in a questioning look. "I've got major issues. I'm sure you can guess what Karofsky was going to do to me before you stopped him… and that's exactly what he was about to do again. I don't think anyone can understand what it's like to have to relive something like that over and over again. I don't think I would _wish_ that on anyone, except for maybe Dave."

_I know._

Blaine knew that Kurt probably hadn't expected that.

_It's too much to explain this way. When I can talk again… if I can talk about it._

"You don't _have_ to tell me anything." Blaine shook his head, erasing the board again.

_You need to understand that you aren't the only one that's messed up. Broken. Some of us just have more experience at hiding it._

"You're… you'd be willing to tell me about what happened to you? Even after all of this?" Kurt asked. Blaine shrugged, nodding. "I don't know that I could ever do something like that…"

"You will, one day." Blaine turned to look at the doorway, where Jack was standing smiling at the two of them. "You'll be able to handle it, even if you don't think you will. It'll never be easy, but talking about it will help." A nurse chose that moment to walk in with a syringe of what Blaine assumed was pain medication.

"We don't have to leave, do we?" Kurt asked. Blaine smiled slightly, glancing at the IV line as the nurse silently administered whatever it was after triple-checking Blaine's hospital ID bracelet.

"I'm not going to say anything, although technically we aren't supposed to allow visitors in the pediatrics ward without a parent or guardian present," the nurse commented with a smile before she hurried out of the room again.

"Unless Blaine wants us to leave so he can get some rest, I don't see why we can't stay a little longer." Blaine grabbed the marker again, erasing his last message and replacing it before showing it to both Jack and Kurt.

_Please stay. I don't want to be alone._


	13. An Unexpected Visitor

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So I know it's taken a bit of time to get this chapter out – my work schedule lately has been CRAZY (my last paycheck had 35 hours on it, and I usually have right around 20, plus my hours don't seem to be slowing down at all). But anyways, I hope you all enjoy!**

"He's really going to be okay, right? That isn't just something people are saying to make me feel better about all of this?" Kurt asked. He'd been silent for most of the ride back from the hospital, but he couldn't stop himself from asking the question that had been plaguing him ever since he'd seen Blaine. Despite everyone's assurances, Blaine didn't look as well as everyone seemed to think.

"He's fine, Kurt. A few more days of rest, and he'll be back here at school," Jack replied. Kurt just pulled his knees up to his chest, watching the trees as they drove through the woods back towards Mountainview. "What I'm most concerned with right now is how you're doing… you still haven't talked to your therapist about all of this."

"I know… I'm just worried about other things right now…"

"Blaine has plenty of other people looking out for him right now, okay? Concentrate on what you need to do to help yourself." Kurt nodded at Jack's words, biting down on his bottom lip as they finally pulled onto the driveway that would take them back up to the school's campus. Kurt sat up straighter when he realized that his father was standing on the front porch of the school's main building talking to Ian. He hadn't heard anything about his father coming to visit – the man was supposed to be in Washington serving in Congress.

"Why is my dad here?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know…" Kurt waited until Jack stopped the car, and then hurried out of the car and up the stairs, straight into his dad's arms. The man seemed surprised at first, but he quickly returned the hug before backing up slightly so that he and Kurt were actually looking at one another.

"Kurt… are you okay?"

"I'm fine… what are you doing here?" Kurt asked, not bothering to move away from his dad. After everything, he sort of wanted to be close to the only person that had always been there for him, no matter what.

"They called me last night and told me what had happened… I got on the first plane out here this morning to make sure you were okay…" Kurt smiled, closing his eyes and hugging his father a little tighter. "I want you to tell me what that boy did to you."

"Mr. Hummel, why don't we go inside and the two of you can discuss all of this in private?" Ian suggested. "I don't think it would be a good idea to have this conversation in public."

"He's right… Dr. Belasco, is there an office or something we can use to talk?"

"Of course… feel free to use my office," Jack jumped in.

As soon as they were in the office, Kurt felt his father squeeze his shoulder. "What happened, Kurt?"

"Dave Karofsky showed up… I don't know why his dad brought him here, but he thought it had something to do with me, and he was pissed…" Kurt began. He sat down in one of the chairs in the room, pulling his knees up towards his chest. "Last year… last year, Dave cornered me in the locker room at school. He pinned me to a wall, and…"

Kurt couldn't finish his sentence; he'd already relived the incident too many times, more times than he could have ever imagined. "He assaulted you, didn't he?" Kurt nodded, realizing that his father was upset about the situation. Kurt could see the man starting to turn red.

"Dad, your heart…" Kurt warned. He watched as the man took a few deep breaths, before his cheeks started to return to a more normal color.

"Why didn't you tell me before? That's what started all of these problems isn't it?" Kurt nodded.

"He told me that he would kill me if I ever told anyone… so I didn't. But he kept threatening me, and I was so afraid that I would say something without meaning to, that I was afraid to talk about anything… so I just stopped talking." Kurt closed his eyes, until he felt his dad's hand on his shoulder again.

"Please tell me you told the police all of this…" Kurt nodded.

"I had to. They needed to know why I was so scared of him… I had to explain why I thought he would do it again in the shed." Kurt watched as his father sighed, sitting down across from him.

"I feel like I should take you home, but how can I protect you from that boy if I'm in Washington four or five days out of the week?"

"I don't want to go home. Not this close to the end of the year," Kurt replied, putting his feet down. "I… I want to finish the year. Other than what happened with Dave, I've been happier here than I ever was at McKinley."

"You've barely spoken since you've been here, Kurt…"

"Because I didn't feel like I could trust anyone. Not until recently. Not until I met Blaine."

"Blaine? You mean the boy that stopped David Karofsky from actually doing anything to you, right?" Kurt nodded. "I want to meet this kid…"

"He's in the hospital still. Will be for a few days, at least. But everyone says he'll be okay… he just has to take it easy and not talk for a while, until his throat starts to heal."

"Maybe tomorrow I can take you back up there to see him again. After your classes – I don't want you to get behind another year. That boy stole enough from you already, and your education shouldn't be added to that list." Kurt nodded, knowing that his father was talking about Karofsky. "You really are okay?"

"I will be…" Kurt began. "That's what I'm here for. So they can make sure I'm not crazy or anything." Kurt smiled as his father chuckled.

"I don't think you're crazy. Just the victim of a lot of prejudice and ignorance. And if you think this is the best place for you to deal with everything that's happened in the past year or two, then I'll let you stay here until you graduate. The most important thing is for you to be healthy and happy. That's what I want, more than anything else."

"Thanks, Dad."

"But you have to promise me that you're going to report anything else that happens like that… you don't _ever_ have to let someone treat you that way. No one _should_ ever treat you that way. You deserve so much better than that." Kurt nodded, smiling slightly.

"I can do that."

"So. Tell me about this Blaine kid…"

**LINE**

Somehow, going back to the hospital with his dad was even more nerve-wracking than the first time Kurt had been to see his friend. If he was being honest with himself, it was because he was afraid of what his dad would think of Blaine – and given the fact that Kurt had already started to develop something of a crush on the other boy, it was sort of important to him that his father actually like the boy.

"Why are you so nervous? I'm not gonna do anything to the kid… I just want to thank him," Burt commented. Kurt shrugged, not really sure how to answer that question. "What, do you like this kid or something?" Kurt could feel his face starting to heat up before the words were even completely out of his father's mouth. "Oh."

"I just… he's the first person that's really seemed to _care_. Like, not because he has to care. And he's actually gay…" Kurt trailed off, remembering his last crush. That hadn't ended well, although things had improved given the fact that Finn was now Kurt's stepbrother. "Trust me, I actually found out first… well, sort of."

"Sort of?"

"He kind of… announced it. His dad… his dad sent him to a weird camp that tries to turn people straight. More than once, actually." Kurt couldn't help shuddering at

"You know that I would never send you to one of those places, right? That places like that are more for the benefit of the parents or relatives of the person they treat…"

"I know, Dad. Jack calls it junk science…"

"It is junk. It's a load of crap people use to prey on the ignorant and gullible, or that people want to believe in because they aren't willing to accept the fact that their religion isn't right about everything," Burt replied. Kurt nodded, smiling slightly.

"I just sort of wish that Blaine's dad could be more like you… it's November already, and Blaine still doesn't have any winter clothes other than what Jack and Ian have managed to find for him. And I keep hearing Jack commenting on the fact that the man doesn't really seem to give a shit – he won't even return phone calls, and Blaine broke his hand more than a week ago…"

"Sounds like a pretty shitty parent to me," Burt commented.

"I just wish there was something that could be done about it… he's been through so much already, and he needs a real family. Not his dad being an asshole and his mom not giving enough of a shit to get things together so that he can live with her instead. They're so stuck in their own lives, they don't seem to get think about what _he_ needs…" Kurt had to stop; he was starting to get upset, which even he had to admit was kind of ridiculous. As much as he cared about Blaine, it wasn't his job to take care of the other boy. There were plenty of other people who could do that – people who were actually responsible for Blaine's health and safety.

"You _really_ care about this kid, don't you?" Kurt nodded.

"He's different… he's not like any of the guys at McKinley, or anyone else I've ever met. And as tough as he tries to pretend like he is, he's actually really nice. Most of it's an act that he's put on to just survive this long…"

"Kurt, I have to ask… have you _talked_ to Blaine about any of this? About your feelings, I mean… because I think that he has a right to know what's going on, since the two of you are going to be roommates for a while…"

"He knows. He doesn't… he doesn't exactly feel the way I do. But it's more because he doesn't know me very well… or at least that was his reasoning when I mentioned it to him. I just… I want to get to know him. I want to be around him as much as possible…"

"Just don't get in too deep, okay?" Burt began. "I don't want you to get hurt here… you've been hurt by enough people already, and I don't want anything bad to happen to you because of all of this."

"I know, Dad. I'm trying not to."

The hospital wasn't exactly a welcoming place; Kurt had been so worried about Blaine the day before that he hadn't really noticed how stark and depressing the place seemed to be. Kurt was just glad that everyone seemed to think that Blaine wouldn't need to be there very long; surely somewhere so sad couldn't be healthy for someone who was trying to heal.

Kurt was sort of surprised that Blaine wasn't asleep when they walked into the room; he'd expected that the painkillers would have him knocked out, and he'd sort of hoped that Blaine would be so that the boy wouldn't have to deal with his dad. It was going to be awkward, no matter what happened, and Kurt had hoped that Blaine would be spared from the worst of it. Kurt smiled as the boy waved at him, immediately reaching for the markerboard.

_I wasn't expecting any visitors today…_

"My dad wanted to come meet you," Kurt explained, letting his dad come into the room as well. Kurt just sort of stood next to the bed awkwardly in his pockets because he wasn't really sure what to do as his father stood at the end of the bed. Kurt raised an eyebrow as his father pulled out his wallet and handed over his debit card.

"Kurt, why don't you go get us all some coffee…"

"Blaine isn't allowed to eat or drink anything, and you can't have caffeine – your heart, remember?"

"I was sort of hoping you'd forgotten about that one," Burt replied with a smile. "Just… give us a few minutes, okay? Go get yourself some coffee… I know they probably don't let you have it at school." Kurt glanced at Blaine, wondering if the boy was okay with the idea of being left alone with his dad. "I'm not going to do anything, Kurt… I just want to talk to Blaine for a little while."

"Dad…"

"Kurt, it's just a friendly chat."

Kurt sighed, mouthing a quick apology to the other boy before he left him alone with his father.


	14. Coming to an Understanding

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: Yes, I know it's been a bit… but I've been busy at work and I started my schoolwork for summer session today. Which is actually pretty interesting, considering the fact that I'm learning all about the meaning of literacy and what "reading" actually **_**is**_**. It's much more complicated than most people think it is…**

If Blaine had been able to say anything, he would have admitted that he was uncomfortable with this entire situation. He didn't know anything about this man other than that he was Kurt's father, and now he was being left alone with him while Kurt went to get something to drink. And Blaine wasn't exactly good at dealing with fathers, given how screwed up his relationship was with his own. But the man didn't seem upset or annoyed about anything, so Blaine just hoped that this would be painless.

"I'm not going to yell at you or anything, kid. Promise. I want to thank you for what you did for my Kurt… there aren't many who would do something like that for a guy that's practically a stranger. I know Kurt probably wasn't talking before all of this happened, unless something changed that I don't know about." Blaine grabbed the markerboard and started to scribble a response.

_I was the only one he'd said anything to…_

"I'm surprised he even said something to you… before I got here yesterday, I hadn't heard him talk in nearly six months. And we're talking about a kid that I couldn't get to shut up when he was younger." Blaine couldn't help but smile at the idea; it was sort of hard for him to believe that Kurt had ever been that way, but Blaine knew that the things that had happened to Kurt could change a person. "My point is that I want you to be careful. I don't know how much you know about it, but you've captured my son's heart. And even though I owe you, that won't stop me if you break my boy's heart – understand?"

_I don't have any intention of hurting Kurt. But I also don't intend to lie to him about my feelings._

Blaine watched as Burt nodded. "And I don't expect you to lie to him, because that would hurt him, too. I just want you to be honest with him, and let him down easy if you don't share his feelings. He's been let down too many times…" Blaine nodded, writing another response on his markerboard.

_I do want to get to know him. Be friends, at least._

"I'm glad… the last guy my son fell for wasn't gay, and it nearly destroyed their friendship _and_ my relationship with Kurt's step-mother. I don't want to think about what another disappointment like that could do to him. Especially not now, when it's starting to look like he's going to get through this." Blaine just nodded. "You seem like a good young man. I feel like I can trust you not to do anything to hurt my son."

_Thank you._

"It really is a shame that you got dealt such a crap hand in life. But I want you to know that as long as you don't hurt my son, you'll have a place to stay with my family, no matter what… all you have to do is call."

_Thank you, sir._

"It's the least I could do. Someone should look out for you," Burt replied. Blaine was about to respond, when Kurt made his way back into the room.

"Everything still okay in here?" the boy asked. Blaine nodded, smiling.

"We were just having a nice chat… Blaine and I understand one another."

"He didn't threaten you, did he?" Kurt asked. Blaine shook his head, smiling and scribbling a response to the boy's question.

_No more than necessary. Like he said, we understand each other._

"I'm really not sure that makes me feel any better…" Kurt replied.

* * *

The car ride back to school from the hospital was pretty much silent. Blaine had been instructed to continue resting his voice, not that he really had anything to say to the nurse from the school's infirmary that had been sent to pick him up. And she clearly had no desire to try to start up a conversation, although Blaine suspected it was because the doctor had mentioned that he still needed to take it easy and talk as little as possible. And to be honest, the silence thing was starting to drive Blaine crazy because all he really wanted to do was _talk_ to someone. Talk about what was going on in his head, about his worries over the fact that his father still hadn't contacted the school. If it had been Jack, or even Ian, he probably would have spent the ride trying to talk about what was going on. But he didn't really know this woman at all; she hadn't exactly been friendly when Blaine had been in the infirmary before, and he wasn't even really sure what her name was.

Blaine was thankful when they pulled into the parking lot behind the infirmary. "You're going to stay in the infirmary for the next few days. Ian will probably want to talk to you about the doctor's instructions."

"I think I've got it," Blaine whispered, closing his eyes.

"You can't sleep in my car."

"Wasn't planning on it," Blaine muttered, rolling his eyes and getting out of the car. He just really wanted to get away from this woman, who was so unfriendly. Blaine did his best to stay far enough away so that the woman wouldn't attempt to touch him. He didn't want her false sympathy or whatever it was; the woman didn't have any bedside manner to speak of, and he was sick of it.

Blaine wasn't all that surprised when Katie immediately came out of the office to usher him into the room he would be sleeping in. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," Blaine replied.

"Let's get you settled in. Jack said something about coming by to talk to you before group this afternoon, and I'm sure you're probably tired…"

"I'd rather just go to class," Blaine replied. Katie was about to respond when the nurse that had driven Blaine back to he school interrupted her.

"He's supposed to rest for a few days, which is why he's sleeping in here instead of in his cabin." The woman walked past the room and out of earshot almost as quickly as she had appeared.

"I really don't like her…" Blaine muttered under his breath. He was surprised when Katie laughed at his comment.

"Don't feel bad… no one really does. She doesn't have much of a bedside manner, unfortunately. Not really sure why she chose nursing as her profession." Blaine slipped off the jacket and let Katie put it away. "But if the doctor said no class for a few days, then you need to listen. You can talk to Ian and Jack about going to group sessions, and I'm sure you'll still want to go talk to Lisa for at least a little while." Blaine nodded, sitting down and closing his eyes. "How's the pain? Do you need anything."

"I'm okay… I think I might just take a nap, since it looks like that's all I'm going to be allowed to do for a few days."

"Just take it easy… I'll come check on you in a little while."

Blaine wasn't really surprised that Jack was waiting for him when he woke up. "You've been out for a bit… how're you feeling?" Blaine shrugged, sitting up.

"My hand's starting to hurt, but otherwise okay." Blaine shifted uncomfortably at the way Jack watched him for a moment. "What? Is something wrong?"

"I'm worried about your family situation… your dad still isn't responding to our phone calls or messages, we don't have any contact information for your mother, and it's starting to really get cold out. You _need_ good, warm clothes for this winter. We're halfway up a mountain, and it can be really bad." Blaine had a sinking feeling as Jack spoke. In his head, there was only one place this conversation could be going – that they were going to have to send him home. Blaine shook his head.

"Please don't send me away…"

"That's not what we're talking about here, Blaine… I think it might be time to consider involving the authorities in all of this. It's his responsibility to take care of you, and that includes providing for your material needs. He isn't doing that anymore…"

"You're going to call CPS…"

"Not if you're against the idea," Jack replied. "We are never going to make you do something that you don't want to do, Blaine. But all of the staff here is in agreement – your father is neglecting his duty as a parent." Blaine just nodded, shrugging. "Some of the things you've said about your dad, Blaine… they sound like he might be emotionally abusive…"

"Can I just think about it for a day or two?" Blaine asked, cutting the man off. He wasn't sure that he wanted to even think about his father at the moment, even if the staff did seem to think that it was necessary.

"Of course. If you're feeling up to it, Group starts in about ten minutes… you don't have to contribute, unless you want to. But it might be good for you to at least get out of bed for a little while and at least get back into part of the routine around here…"

"Yeah, okay," Blaine replied, starting to get out of the bed. "I just need something for my hand…"

"Then it sounds like I'm right on time," Katie commented as she walked into the room. Blaine smiled at her as she handed him the little plastic cup with two pills in it, followed by a glass of water. "Your voice is sounding better already… another day or two of rest, and it should be good as new."

"If only my hand would heal that quickly," Blaine remarked with a slight smile.

"Just give it some time… I know you're sick of hearing all of us say that, but it's the only way that hand is going to heal. And try not to hit anyone this time around…" Blaine nodded, smiling slightly at the woman's joke.

"We should get moving if we're going to make it to Group," Jack commented, handing Blaine the old jacket he'd been wearing since he'd gotten there to slip on. He was thankful for it as soon as they stepped outside and he realized that it was starting to snow lightly. Blaine was still cold, even with the jacket, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been if he hadn't been given anything warm to wear.

Blaine followed Jack silently, knowing that he still needed to rest his voice if he wanted it to come back. And given how much Blaine enjoyed singing, he _really_ wanted it back. So as much as he hated being silent, he knew it was for the best.

The rush of people when he walked into the room surprised Blaine; he knew that some of the other boys in Group had considered him a friend, but he hadn't really expected them to be so excited to see him again. Blaine couldn't even keep track of everything all of the other boys were saying because they were talking all at once.

"Guys… give Blaine some room to breathe! He's supposed to be taking it easy, and I don't think being attacked by all of you is what the doctor wants…" Jack warned. Blaine just smiled slightly as the other guys slowly moved back to their own seats, letting Blaine move to his usual spot between Kurt and Sebastian. He had to admit, even though things weren't completely back to normal yet, it was nice to know that things were going to be the same again soon.


	15. Blaine's Journal 3

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So I felt like this would be the best way to introduce some things that need to be addressed, but that aren't really the point of this story and that I therefore don't think really need more than just a passing mention like this. Plus, even though these chapters can be difficult at times I do really enjoy them; I think they're a good way to tell some parts of these stories.**

November 1, 2011

I guess it's kind of weird that I haven't written anything here for a while. I just… I haven't really felt like it, to be honest. But Jack and Lisa have been getting on to me for not writing for so long, even though it's hard to do this with my left hand and I still don't have anything I really _want_ to say here. There are too many things going on already, without worrying about this, too.

I'm finally starting to get caught up with schoolwork, and Jack and I have talked about me potentially doing some extra work over the summer so that I can try to graduate somewhere close to on time. I know it isn't going to happen – I'm never going to get completely caught up with the other guys my age, since I'm supposed to be finishing my junior year and I'm going to only be finishing the freshman coursework at the end of the school year. I'm okay with that, I think.

Sometimes I just kind of wonder what things would be like if life had been different. If I'd had a father that didn't find the fact that I'm gay so abhorrent. It's not like I _wanted_ to run away so many times… but what choice did I have? I feel like it was the right thing. It was the thing that kept me sane. And even though Sebastian said it as a joke, he's probably right in thinking that my habit of running away probably saved my liver because I don't think _anyone_ could deal with that kind of shit day in and day out without resorting to _something_.

Of course, if Jack read that he would probably be annoyed that I'm not talking about the obvious issues. The fact that some dumbass jock tried to kill me because I wanted to protect Kurt from him. But that's the other guy's problem, not mine. I fucked up my hand, and he fucked up my throat, but I'm going to be fine. I've seen worse… I've had people _do_ worse to me. The worst part about all of it has been being forced to be silent for a few days. Not being able to talk… it sucks. And I really don't want to go through that again. But other than that, it's really not that big of a deal.

All the stuff with my dad… it's starting to get intense, trying to deal with all of that. Jack called CPS a few days ago, and I had to talk to the social worker they sent out here. It took pretty much all day, answering questions, repeating things to try and make sure she understood everything I'd said. Jack was there the whole time, and I could tell from the look on his face that he _really_ didn't like some of the things he was hearing about my dad. I think he was getting kind of pissed off, not that he said anything to me about it. Actually, he didn't really say anything to me after it was over, other than that I should go get some rest. I don't know what happened after that, but when he came by our cabin later he was in a better mood. I think he wanted to avoid the topic completely, so I didn't say anything to him about what had happened. The social worker didn't tell me what was going to happen next, so I don't know if what I've done is even going to change things. I have to hope it will, but I just don't know yet.


	16. Lost

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: Sorry for the delay, guys! It's been crazy lately, and Camp NaNoWriMo isn't going so well. But I'm taking a break from that to finish up this chapter for you, because I don't want to leave you hanging for a month!**

Blaine was struggling with his schoolwork. Not because he wasn't capable of doing the work, but because he was having a hard time concentrating on it. Though his wrist had stopped hurting and his neck and throat had healed to the point that he didn't need to worry about doing anything specifically to protect his voice, Blaine's other issues were starting to become more prominent. Blaine had spent hours talking to a social worker over the course of the past few weeks. It had been difficult for him to talk about some of the things his father had said and done, and now his past was starting to haunt him.

The truth was, Blaine had started to have trouble sleeping because he couldn't stop thinking about all of the things his father had said to him over the years – wondering if any of the names he'd been called over the years were really true. And Blaine hated feeling that way, wondering whether or not he was actually worth all of the time and effort these people were putting into trying to fix all of the problems his father had caused. He'd managed to keep himself from giving in to those emotions for years, but now that he was being forced to face the things his father had done it was difficult for Blaine to say that the man _wasn't_ right about him.

"You look like you could use a walk." Blaine glanced up as he heard a familiar voice, smiling slightly at Sebastian.

"I can't afford to take the time off… I'm still a little behind, and time's running out for me to make up all of the work," Blaine replied. He still wasn't totally comfortable with the senior; while they were on better terms than they had been in the past, the fact that Sebastian had done some of the same things Blaine had for such very different reasons made him hesitant to get close to the older boy.

"Ten minutes to refocus…" Blaine shrugged.

"I'm only on orange…" Blaine knew that it wasn't a very good excuse; since he'd moved to orange, he had more freedom than when he'd been on red. But he still had work that he needed to do, and that was limiting his opportunities to use that freedom.

"So? You're allowed to leave the cabin, and you're _going_ to finish your schoolwork… ten minutes won't stop you from that."

"Just go, dude… Sebastian doesn't give up for anything," Robbie commented. Blaine nodded, throwing his pencil into the book to mark his page and closing it. He got up and grabbed his jacket following Sebastian outside. It had gotten colder since they had gotten out of class, and the jacket really wasn't enough to keep Blaine warm.

"It's too cold out here…" Blaine began, starting to turn back around. He was surprised when Sebastian, who was somewhat taller than Blaine, put an arm around Blaine's shoulders and started leading him further away from the cabin. "Sebastian…"

"It's not that bad… just trust me, okay? We'll go back in a few minutes." Blaine shoved his hands into his pockets as best he could. It was sort of difficult due to the cast that was still preventing him from moving his fingers and hand. It didn't take long for Blaine to realize that they were walking towards a path that led into the woods.

"I really do need to get back, Sebastian…" Blaine stopped walking, surprised when Sebastian turned around to face him.

"I just… I need to do something. And I don't want you to freak out on me. And I _really_ don't want anyone else to freak out on me either." Blaine raised an eyebrow as the other boy stepped closer, but it wasn't until Sebastian started to lean in that Blaine realized what was happening and put up his hands to hold the other boy back.

"Sebastian… I can't…"

"I just want to kiss you…" Blaine shook his head.

"I _can't_. I don't _do_ physical affection. Not yet… not now…" Blaine started to back away, shaking his head. The truth was, Blaine didn't trust Sebastian. The older boy was open about his past, about his sexual exploits. And Blaine wanted to get away from all of the pain that brought up about his past. So Blaine did his best to escape the situation by physically distancing himself from the other boy.

"Blaine… I'm intrigued by you…" Blaine shook his head, confused.

"That's not a basis for a relationship, Sebastian. And I don't _want_ a relationship like that… not with you, not with anyone. Not before I've got my shit together. And I have no intention of doing anything that goes against that."

"I would have thought that _you_ would have been okay with this, if anyone was. You're…"

"What? Like you?" Blaine asked, interrupting Sebastian and shaking his head. "But I'm not… you liked that life. I _hated_ it. I hated myself when I was doing that. But I didn't have the same kind of choices you did… it was that or go home to my dad. The guy who's spent the last four and a half years telling me just how worthless I am, because of something that I can't change!"

Blaine hurried away as soon as he was finished; he didn't care to see Sebastian's reaction, knowing that it was sort of a slap in the other boy's face. But it was the truth, and Blaine had no intention of being anything but truthful. Blaine could hear Sebastian calling after him, even as he walked away.

Somehow it didn't register at first that Blaine was headed the wrong direction. There were so many different paths in the woods surrounding the school, and Blaine hadn't really been given an opportunity to explore any of them between the weather and his broken hand. Still, it was a good fifteen minutes before Blaine realized just how lost he really was.

"Fuck." Blaine sat down in the path, curling in on himself and closing his eyes. It was so cold, and all he could think about was the sheer volume of homework that he wasn't working on now that he was out in the woods. How much trouble he was going to be in when someone found him. Blaine knew that someone would be looking for him eventually; he was going to miss dinner because of the timing, and surely Sebastian wouldn't be cruel enough to not tell anyone that Blaine had wandered away from him in the woods.

* * *

It was getting late, and Jack was starting to worry about the fact that two of the members of his cabin still weren't present at the dinner table. "Anyone seen Blaine or Sebastian lately?" he asked, looking around at the rest of the boys. Most of them simply shrugged, but Robbie looked up.

"They went on a walk earlier… Sebastian said ten minutes, but neither one of them came back before I left. That was probably an hour ago…"

"Why would Blaine go on a walk with Sebastian?" Kurt asked. Jack got a feeling that Kurt wasn't comfortable with that idea, but he didn't know _why_ Kurt was so upset about that fact.

"Sebastian wanted to talk to him about something, I guess… I dunno. He didn't really seem to want to give up on the idea…" Jack nodded, sighing and getting up.

"You guys finish your dinner… I'm going to see if I can figure out what's going on," Jack replied. He made his way to the infirmary quickly, wondering whether or not something had happened that he hadn't heard about yet.

"Everything okay?" Jack smiled at Ian as he opened the door.

"Have Blaine and Sebastian been here? They didn't show up for dinner, and Robbie said they'd been gone for a walk for an hour…" Jack wasn't exactly surprised when Ian had no idea what he was talking about. "Shit… something's wrong. What if one of them is hurt, or…"

"Jack, stop. We don't know what's going on… go check the cabin first, and if they aren't there text me and we'll get the others together to start looking." Jack nodded, taking a deep breath. "Hey… we'll find them. Sebastian knows what to do, they'll be okay."

The walk over to Cabin Six was nerve wracking; Jack wanted to believe that everything was okay, but something in his gut told him that Blaine and Sebastian going off together was a bad thing. The two boys had a lot of experiences in common, but for different reasons, and Jack had a feeling that they would clash in some way. Jack breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Sebastian was actually sitting on his bed, writing in his journal.

"Sebastian, you're supposed to be at dinner… where's Blaine?"

"He isn't back yet?" Jack raised an eyebrow, confused.

"I thought you went for a walk with him… that's what Robbie told me."

"Blaine got pissed off at me and walked away… I thought he was headed back here. That was like an hour ago, he should have been back a long time before me…" Sebastian replied.

"Shit."

* * *

Blaine really didn't know how long he'd been out in the cold, but it wasn't getting any easier to deal with the temperature. He knew it had to be below freezing – every time he exhaled, a cloud of fog escaped and he was starting to lose the feeling in his fingers and toes. Blaine couldn't help thinking about what might happen if no one came looking for him, and given the fact that he still hadn't seen or heard anything other than the nocturnal animals from the woods he was starting to wonder if Sebastian had even bothered to tell anyone that he was missing.

It was really all Blaine could do to keep his eyes open. Something told him that falling asleep wasn't a good idea, but he couldn't stop his body from protesting. The fact that he was also hungry and thirsty made his current situation that much more miserable, because he couldn't satisfy any of his needs.

The cold was really starting to get to Blaine. He couldn't stop shivering, and he was having trouble concentrating on the things around him – things that he probably should be paying attention to for his own safety. But he couldn't really move, and all Blaine really wanted to do was fall asleep because he just couldn't make himself do anything else. He was just too cold.

Blaine really wasn't sure what happened; one minute he was alone, fighting the urge to sleep because he just couldn't keep himself awake any longer. But he woke up to the sound of someone calling his name, begging him to answer. Blaine sat up slowly at the sound, trying to figure out what was going on as several lights appeared through the trees.

"Help…" Blaine tried to call out to the people looking for him, but he knew his voice wasn't loud enough. He tried again, but in the end Blaine just had to hope that they would continue moving towards him.

"Blaine!"

"I don't think he's on this path… surely he wouldn't have headed towards the river."

"He doesn't know the woods, Brandon… he could be anywhere…" Blaine tried to get up as he heard Jack's familiar voice, stumbling over his own feet. He couldn't really feel them very well, but Blaine knew that he was standing and that he needed to get closer to Jack and Brandon.

"Jack…" Blaine couldn't get his voice to work, and his feet weren't cooperating either. "Jack…"

"Jack, I hear something," Brandon commented. Blaine could tell that he was getting closer to the men, but he wasn't exactly sure how far away they were.

"Blaine!" Blaine stumbled through the brush, a little surprised when he tripped and fell against someone. Blaine immediately felt arms wrapping around him, picking him up. He wasn't sure who it was, but Blaine had to admit that he was grateful that he'd been found. And really, that was all that mattered.


	17. Restless Night

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So it's taken some time for me to get this written. Lots of things have happened making my writing time limited, but I'm not forgetting all of you! And I'm actually almost a week ahead on homework for my online class right now, so I should have some extra time to write next week (I say should, but I'm going to have to help my mom move so that's going to take up some of my time!).**

"God… he's freezing cold," Brandon commented. Blaine was a little too disoriented to respond as Brandon ripped off his own coat and wrap it around Blaine's shoulders.

"Blaine? Do you think you can walk?" Jack asked.

"So cold…" Blaine didn't even care that he was whimpering like a small puppy; all he wanted was to be warm again.

"I can carry him back… I don't think he's going to make it," Brandon replied. Blaine closed his eyes, trying to pull Brandon's jacket closer to his body as the man picked him up easily. Brandon was warm, but Blaine still couldn't stop shivering even as he tried to let Brandon keep him warm.

"We need to hurry… I don't know how long he's been out here, but Ian needs to check him out as soon as possible," Jack replied.

Blaine really wasn't sure what was going on as he was carried back towards the school's campus. He couldn't keep track of the conversation going on between Jack and Brandon, and he was so cold and exhausted that he really couldn't keep himself awake. Brandon's jacket wasn't really doing anything to keep him warm. "Blaine, you have to stay awake for us… talk to me, tell me what happened…"

"I d-didn't kn-know…"

"It's okay, Blaine… you went on a walk with Sebastian right?" Jack asked. Blaine nodded.

"He w-wanted t-to kiss…" Blaine began. He couldn't finish his sentence as he started coughing, fighting to get the cold air into his lungs.

"Why don't we wait until we get him back and warmed up before we question him too much? He's shivering like crazy…"

The remainder of the walk back to campus was quiet, enough so that Blaine had fallen asleep by the time Brandon put him down on a bed in the infirmary. Blaine opened his eyes as someone started to tuck blankets around his body. "We need to get him warmed up… did he say anything?" Blaine turned towards the sound of Ian's voice, watching as the man spoke to Jack.

"He started coughing when we tried to talk to him… we figured it was probably best to wait until he got warmed up to start asking questions."

"'S cold…" Blaine muttered. He was surprised to see Katie putting another blanket on top of him.

"We're going to get you warmed up, buddy. Just relax, okay?" Blaine closed his eyes as the woman took his temperature. His hands and feet were starting to tingle painfully as he started to get the feeling back in them.

"Blaine, how did you get lost in the woods?" Jack asked. Blaine didn't open his eyes, trying to figure out how to respond.

"I walked away from Sebastian… I wanted to get away from him. I made a wrong turn…" Blaine started coughing again, effectively ending his attempt to explain what had happened. He felt Ian put a hand on his shoulder, over the layer of blankets.

"That cough doesn't sound good… let's get you warmed up before you try to tell us the rest of the details," Ian commented. "Katie, where is he?"

"Too low for the thermometer to read…"

"Let's get him something warm to drink… there should be some tea or decaf coffee or something in the kitchen."

"He's going to be alright, isn't he?" Blaine watched as Ian nodded in response to Jack's question.

"I think so. Once we get him warmed up, I can check out his hands and feet to make sure there isn't any serious damage," Ian replied. Blaine couldn't help biting down on his bottom lip as he heard the news.

"Is it supposed to hurt?" Blaine asked, barely above a whisper. He watched as Ian raised an eyebrow at his question. "My hands and feet… they hurt…"

"If you can feel them hurting, then there probably isn't any serious damage. But I want you to stay still and warm up, and then we'll assess how you're doing… you don't need to move too much, and I don't want you to try to walk around on those feet until we know what we're dealing with. If you need anything, just ask Katie for it…" Blaine nodded, closing his eyes.

It wasn't until he felt someone gently nudging his shoulder that Blaine opened his eyes again. He hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep. "I brought you some tea… let's sit you up," Katie said. Blaine let her help him, taking the mug so and slowly sipping on its contents. "I let it cool off a bit, so I hope that it isn't still too warm. How are you feeling."

"My hands and feet still hurt, but I'm feeling warmer. And hungry…"

"I'll talk to Ian about getting you something to eat… you drink that, while I check your temperature." Blaine did as he was told, trying to ignore the in-ear thermometer until it beeped. "Still not registering."

"That's bad…" Blaine began.

"That's what happens with hypothermia. We just need to give it a little more time." Blaine nodded, continuing to sip on his tea. It was definitely helping, although he was still somewhat cold. He watched as Katie took his free hand, pressing on the skin for a moment before she tucked it back beneath the blankets. "Your skin looks okay… we'll keep an eye on it for the next day or two, just to make sure. But I'm sure Ian will want to look at it, once you've warmed up again." Blaine nodded.

Blaine didn't really remember falling asleep again, but when he woke up again someone had taken away his mug of tea and covered him back up with the blankets. Judging by the fact that the lights had been turned off in the room, Blaine assumed that it had gotten pretty late. Somehow he still felt cold, with the exception of his face – it felt like it was on fire. Blaine started to roll over and just go back to sleep, but he started coughing as soon as he moved.

"Hey, hey… sit up." Blaine felt someone helping him change positions so that he was sitting up, before they held a cup to his lips. "Just a couple of sips… don't drink too much…" The water seemed to help; Blaine's cough finally started to subside, and he took the cup from Jack's hand.

"Thanks…" Blaine closed his eyes, leaning back onto the bed again. "It's cold…"

"Still?" Blaine nodded. He felt Jack's hand on his forehead. "I think you're actually starting to run a fever… I'm going to get Ian…"

"Here already… you woke me up when you got out of bed." Blaine opened his eyes as Ian walked up, pressing his palm against Blaine's forehead where Jack's hand had just been. "He's definitely running a fever… Blaine, I'm going to take a look at your hands and feet real quick. Stay awake for me, okay? We may need to go to the hospital."

"I don't want to go…" Blaine replied, closing his eyes.

"I know you don't, but you might have to. I'm going to do what's best for you." Blaine closed his eyes as Ian started touching his injured skin. "Can you feel anything?" Blaine nodded. He responded to the question each time it was asked, pulling away when Ian pressed a little too hard on his toenails. "I don't think it's frostbite… probably this cold you seem to have come down with. Jack, do you think you could get the bottle of ibuprofen from the cabinet in the office?"

"I'll bring something for him to eat, too… he hasn't eaten anything yet." Blaine was surprised when he opened his eyes to see Ian staring after Jack, clearly watching him walk away.

"You'd think you were gay, the way you watch him…" Blaine commented. He was surprised when Ian smiled.

"Pansexual, actually. And before you ask, Jack and I are together." Blaine turned to look at the doorway, a little surprised. "See… we're _definitely_ not going to try and make you change." Blaine couldn't help smiling slightly, even though he really didn't feel all that great. "Now, I should probably sit you up and listen to your lungs to make sure that this isn't anything worse than just a cold." Blaine started to clumsily undo the zipper on the coat he was still wearing so that Ian could get the stethoscope underneath his shirt. Blaine started coughing again as soon as the cold metal touched his skin. It took a moment before the coughing calmed down enough so that Ian could continue his examination as Jack walked back into the room with the pills.

"Everything okay?"

"It doesn't sound like there's any fluid in his lungs. We'll need to keep an eye on it, but for the moment we're in the clear."

"Can I go back to my cabin now?" Blaine asked, not really thinking about what he was asking.

"That's a bad idea… I still need to keep an eye on you, at least for the rest of the night." Blaine closed his eyes again, nodding. It wasn't the answer he'd hoped for, but he knew that Ian and Jack were going to do what was best for him. "Let's get this medicine in your system, and we'll see about letting you sleep in your own bed tomorrow night, okay?" Blaine just nodded again, opening his eyes just long enough to swallow the pill and choke down a couple of the crackers Jack brought him. Somehow, even after not having eaten much of anything for so long he just didn't want to eat. Finally he got to lean back, closing his eyes.

"So?" he heard Jack whisper.

"It looks like it was just frostnip. The cold worries me, but it's more because he doesn't have the proper clothing for this weather and I don't want it to become something worse."

"I'll go to the Goodwill in town tomorrow and see if I can find him some warm clothes… we can't wait for his dad any longer, and given the fact that the social worker has already been in contact with him about the situation I'm not sure we're going to get him to cooperate at all…"

"That would be a good idea," Ian replied. "He needs some sweaters… and a better coat, if you can find one. Really, he could use just about everything in the way of winter clothes."

"He needs a guardian willing to take care of him." Blaine could hear Ian sigh at Jack's comment.

"I know, Jack. But they would have to take him away from his father for something like that to happen… he's seventeen, by the time they get anything done he'll be an adult. And I don't know that there's enough evidence of abuse or neglect to even warrant removing him from his father's custody…" Jack scoffed.

"The kid was killing his liver trying to deal with his father's abuse… the man doesn't give a shit about his son."

"But we can't prove anything. Not definitively. It's all dependent on the investigation, and it could take months…"

"What are we going to do when he turns eighteen?" Jack asked.

"Talk to Beth… see if there's any extra scholarship money that can be given to him, at least until he can pass the GED test. That's all we _can_ do."

"I'll talk to her first thing in the morning… I think he's out. We should get some sleep while we can. In case something changes…"

"You're right. He seems to be doing alright at the moment… it's probably best to just let him sleep while he can." Blaine couldn't help the coughing fit that chose that moment to break out, causing him to whimper slightly in the daze of being half-asleep. "I should probably give him some cough syrup… it'll help him sleep, and he needs all the rest he can get right now."

Blaine felt someone pushing back the few wisps of curls that had become matted to his forehead with sweat. "I just wish there was something else we could do…"


	18. Visitors

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: Yay… another chapter! It's 3:30 in the morning, and I can't think straight enough to write an actual author's note… so enjoy!**

"Deep breath…" Blaine did as he was told, but he couldn't help coughing as Ian pulled the stethoscope away from his chest. "Okay, maybe not so deep this time. Just take it easy." Blaine did as he was told, watching Ian's face as he listened to Blaine's lungs.

"Well?" Jack seemed to be just as impatient to know what the verdict was as Blaine. Blaine bit down on his bottom lip at the look on Ian's face.

"I'm not sure. He doesn't sound any better, but he also doesn't necessarily sound like he's getting worse…" Ian began. "But your fever is higher than normal for a cold, Blaine. I'm not going to lie, it concerns me."

"So I'm stuck in here another day," Blaine replied. The man sighed.

"I know you don't want to be stuck in the infirmary. But you need to let us worry about your health, so that we can make sure that things don't get any worse than they already are. You have a bad cold, and you need to take it easy unless you want to end up in the hospital with pneumonia." Blaine closed his eyes, shaking his head and lying back down. "Your hands and feet look good… the cold is the only thing I'm really worried about now. Once you're over the worst of it, we can talk about you going back to the cabin and your classes."

"Okay."

"Get some rest… someone will come check on you in a little while." Blaine nodded, pulling the covers back around his body. He was still cold and kind of sore, and all Blaine really wanted to do was go back to sleep – although he would have rather been in his own bed. He was spending far too much time in the infirmary, and Blaine was sick of it.

"So everything's okay?" Blaine wasn't at all surprised when Jack started asking more questions before they were even out of earshot.

"I don't think it's anything serious… if it isn't a cold, I would guess the flu. As long as we make sure he's resting and getting plenty of fluids, he should be fine in a week or so. How did you do on the clothes at Goodwill?" Ian asked.

"I found a few things… I had to pick up a couple of sweaters that are definitely going to be too big for him, but I figured that it was better than letting him nearly freeze to death again. That social worker, Elaine, called my cell earlier… they've completed their investigation into Blaine's father…"

"So soon?"

"She didn't get into details, but she said that there were some records… things we weren't aware of. Children's Services has recommended to the court that Blaine be taken out of his father's custody. Elaine also recommended that Blaine stay here, and Beth's working out the scholarship money as we speak."

"So who has custody of Blaine?" Ian asked.

"Blaine's father hasn't lost custody yet… there's still a hearing to go through, although Blaine probably won't have to be there for it. But Elaine thinks that it would be best if Beth goes and performs some of her magic to have the judge decree that Blaine will stay here until he turns eighteen." Blaine heard a sigh of relief. "Fair warning… some of the guys from his cabin want to come see him after class today."

"Sebastian?"

"Knows better than to come within ten feet of Blaine right now. He's already gotten an earful from everyone about what they intend to do to him if he ever lays another hand on Blaine… and I'm inclined to just let them do it, to be honest," Jack replied.

"Jack…"

"I wouldn't actually let it happen. But damn it, I'm willing to let him at least _think_ the rest of the cabin will tear him a new one if it'll keep him from pulling any of that bullshit again."

"What are they going to do to him?" Blaine asked, without remembering that he had been trying to eavesdrop on their conversation about him by pretending to be asleep. Blaine opened his eyes, watching as Jack and Ian gave each other surprised looks.

"I think we should take this conversation outside…" Ian began.

"I want to know what they're going to do," Blaine replied, starting to force himself into a sitting position. "I'm the one he took into the woods… I want to know." Jack sighed before he walked closer to the bed.

"They're threatening to hurt him if he hurts you or upsets you again. He told everyone what happened last night… Scott cornered him. They were pretty upset with him…" Blaine nodded, closing his eyes again. "If it would make you feel better, we can have Sebastian moved to another cabin. It wouldn't be fair to make you move because of this, and you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable in Group or in your cabin…"

"I'm willing to give him another chance," Blaine replied.

"If it becomes a problem, we can move him out later, okay? You just have to let us know." Blaine nodded again, pulling the blankets a bit tighter around his body. "We'll let you sleep… you need to get some rest if you want your friends to come see you this afternoon."

Blaine slept on and off the rest of the day, really only waking up long enough for Katie to check on him a few times, bringing him lunch at the appropriate time and generally doing what she could to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. He didn't even really notice when she checked his blood pressure and all of that in the middle of the afternoon, shortly before the boys got out of school for the day.

It was Robbie jumping on the edge of his bed that woke Blaine up again. "You're alive!" Blaine rolled his eyes as he started coughing, not at all surprised by Robbie's outburst.

"Robbie, get off Blaine's bed…he's contagious, and he needs his rest." Blaine smiled slightly at the way Katie gently reminded the other boy that he needed to be calm. "You boys can't stay too long, okay? I don't want anyone else to end up in here with this cold…"

"We'll be careful. And we'll keep Robbie off the bed," Chuck replied. Blaine smiled, moving so that he could sit up a little better as the coughing subsided thanks to a glass of water Katie passed his way before she walked out of the room.

"We're sorry about Sebastian…" Scott began.

"I wouldn't have let you go alone if I'd known," Robbie added.

"You couldn't have known what he was going to do, Robbie… you guys shouldn't blame yourselves for what happened. It was my fault… I walked away, even though I knew that I didn't know where I was going. I could have stayed with Sebastian, or…"

"No. No way – you shouldn't have had to stay with him after what he did. He may not have done anything to physically hurt you, but you shouldn't have to deal with his bullshit. You just say the word, and he's gone…" Liam replied. Blaine shook his head.

"No. Guys… Sebastian just doesn't get it. I just need to make him understand…"

"You shouldn't _have_ to make him understand, Blaine." Blaine turned to face Kurt, surprised when the other boys nodded in response to his words.

"Kurt's right… Sebastian had no right to try and pressure you into anything. He should have understood. He's heard every word you've said about what happened to you in Group, just like we have." Blaine sighed, nodding at Liam's words.

"Whoa… I wasn't expecting a cabin full of people in here." Blaine looked up as Ian walked into the room. "I think we may need to impose a limit on the number of people in here at a time…"

"We're keeping quiet… we won't do anything," Liam replied.

"I trust you guys… so I won't kick you out now. But after today, the two visitors at a time rule goes into force, understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. I'll come back in a little while, after you've gotten a chance to talk to your friends. But don't let Blaine get worked up, and let us know if he gets any worse."

"I should probably actually go… I have a paper due tomorrow, and it isn't going to write itself," Liam commented, standing up. "C'mon, Chuck… I know you have the same paper I do."

"We'll come hang out again later, if they don't let you come back to the cabin tonight." Blaine waved absently as Chuck and Liam started to leave.

"I should actually go, too. I'm supposed to be getting help on my math homework from one of the guys in my class… calculus is hard," Scott added.

"I guess I'll go, too… my mom's supposed to call this afternoon, and I need to get some stuff done before that."

"I'll be back in the cabin soon…"

"Kurt, are you coming?" Scott asked. Blaine turned and looked at the boy, who looked paler than normal.

"No… I think I'm going to stay here for a little while longer. I… I want to talk to Blaine about something." It took a minute for Ian and the other boys to leave the room, but as soon as they were gone Kurt sat down on the other end of the bed, facing Blaine. "Are you really okay?"

"It's just a bad cold," Blaine replied.

"That isn't what I'm talking about and you know it." Blaine sighed, closing his eyes.

"I'm fine. I just don't want to be alone with him. He thinks that he has feelings for me, and he can't understand that I'm not ready to feel the same way about anyone. He doesn't get that the way you do," Blaine replied. Blaine looked up at Kurt as he finished speaking. "He didn't hurt me, okay? He just… he doesn't understand." Blaine watched as Kurt nodded.

Blaine couldn't help yawning as he finished trying to convince Kurt that he was okay. "I should probably go, let you get some rest… _you_ aren't going to get any better if you don't take care of yourself. Besides, I'm pretty sure Ian is waiting for me to leave so that he can check on you."

"I'd rather have you stay and hang out…" Blaine admitted.

"I know… but I should get started on my homework, too. Besides, I'm not technically supposed to be out of the cabin…" Blaine nodded as Kurt held up his hand, showing him the red wristband that the boy still had to wear.

"But you're in the infirmary…" Blaine replied.

"I don't think that rule applies if I'm not actually sick or hurt. And if I get in trouble, I won't be able to hang out with you at all." Blaine started to respond, but another coughing fit cut him off before he could actually say anything. Kurt was quick to offer him the cup of water, but it didn't seem to help much.

"I think that maybe Kurt's right about it being time for him to go," Ian commented, walking back into the room. "But if you want to come back later, you can… Katie and I won't say anything." Blaine finally felt the coughing start to subside as Kurt got up and left.

"I'll see you later, Blaine."

It wasn't until Kurt was out of the room that Ian pulled out the stethoscope, reaching under Blaine's shirt to listen to his lungs again. "I'm glad your friends came to see you, but you need to rest as much as possible." Blaine leaned back against the pillows when Ian was finished listening.

"So?"

"It sounds like the congestion is starting to settle into your chest. It isn't serious, yet. I'm going to put you on decongestants to try and keep it from getting any worse, and we'll see how that goes. Do you need anything?" Ian asked.

"Besides a better immune system?"


	19. Talking It Out

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So some of you are really going to like me when you finish this chapter, lol! Anyways, I hope you all enjoy – now I'm off to plot my next attempt at NaNoWriMo (the June session failed miserably, but I've got a great new idea that I want to try out. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy! **

Blaine was amazed at how much of a difference a few days could make in how he felt. He still wasn't completely over his cold – the coughing fits still came and went, usually worse at night – but he was actually starting to feel fairly normal again.

Blaine was used to having Ian listen to his chest by this point, and he wasn't at all surprised by the cold metal against his skin.

"You still have some congestion, but it sounds a lot better."

"So, can I go back to my cabin this time, or am I stuck here for another day or two?" Blaine wasn't completely sure he wanted to hear the answer, but he had to ask.

"I'll let you go back, but you have to promise me that you'll stay there unless you really need something. And you have to dress warmly, stay warm as much as possible. I don't want to be taking you to the hospital a few days from now because you aren't taking care of yourself." Blaine nodded at all of Jack's instructions.

"Okay. I'll do whatever you say…"

"Then let's get you some clothes, and you can head over for lunch with everyone else. But then you're going straight back to your cabin to rest until time for Group. I'll want you to come see me again tomorrow after class."

"So, no more medicine?" Blaine asked hopefully. He watched as Ian smiled, shaking his head.

"I still want you to at least take the decongestant… you'll need to come get a dose before class in the morning. And Katie or Grace can give you more of the cough medicine if you need it to sleep. But the most important thing is that if you start feeling worse or having trouble breathing, you come back here. We can't help you if you don't tell us that you need help." Blaine nodded as Ian stood up, smiling at him. "Jack left some clothes for you in the drawer. You should probably go ahead and get dressed, unless you _want_ to stay here the rest of the day…"

Blaine started to get up, moving slowly because he hadn't really gotten out of the bed much since he'd arrived in the infirmary other than to use the bathroom. Ian hadn't allowed him to get up at all until they were sure that his feet hadn't been frostbitten, and he hadn't really felt like doing much else after he'd been cleared to get up whenever he wanted.

The clothes Jack had bought were actually pretty decent. Or at least they weren't either too small for him or so worn out that they couldn't actually keep him warm, which was an improvement over everything he owned other than the jacket he had been borrowing from Ian. Blaine hurried to put on the long-sleeved tee shirt and the thick sweater, before slipping into the jeans and putting on his socks and shoes again.

"Good… the clothes fit." Blaine looked up as he heard Jack's voice from the doorway. "Ian told me he's letting you go back to the cabin."

"Does he think I need a chaperone?" Blaine asked, slipping on the coat and shoving his hands into the pockets.

"No. But I figured you might want to go talk to Lisa for a little while. Sebastian's in the cabin right now, and I didn't think you would want to be alone with him after what happened…"

"Why?" Blaine asked.

"I figured that you wouldn't be comfortable…"

"No, I mean why is he in the cabin? It's a school day…" Blaine began.

"Sebastian's father requested that he be moved to a different cabin when he heard what had happened. And Sebastian's therapist agreed that it was probably for the best to keep him away from you as much as possible. The feelings he's claiming to have for you aren't beneficial for him right now… they would feed his addiction." Blaine couldn't help laughing at the idea, shaking his head.

"God. I can't believe that he would even _think_…"

"Blaine, Sebastian doesn't think. That's part of the problem. He doesn't understand that he has a problem, or that his problems affect other people. So the best thing we can do for him is to make sure he's away from temptation And right now, you _are_ a temptation to him…" Blaine bit down on his bottom lip, shaking his head.

"I thought being here, being off the streets would mean being away from people like that."

"It _should_ mean that. But it doesn't always work that way, Blaine. This is what's best for everyone involved, okay? He needs to be away from you, and it probably isn't a good idea for you to be around him, either," Jack replied. Blaine just nodded; he honestly didn't know much about the situation, so he would just have to take Jack's word for it that this was for the best. Blaine just really wanted to be out of the infirmary. "Let's just get you over to see Lisa… after everything that's happened, I'm sure you want to talk to her about some things."

"I would rather just get some rest… this cold is really taking it out of me, and the coughing makes it hard to sleep," Blaine replied.

"I know. Just for long enough to let Sebastian finish packing up his stuff and move out of cabin six… ten, fifteen minutes with Lisa. Then you can go back to the cabin and get some rest until time for Group."

"Okay. I'll go."

The walk over to Lisa's office was fairly short, but it was still enough to make Blaine thankful for the new clothes. At some point during the few days he'd been in the infirmary, it had snowed and gotten even colder than it had been that night in the woods with Sebastian.

Lisa was already waiting for him when Jack knocked on her office door. "Come on in, Blaine. Go ahead and take a seat, get comfortable."

"I'll come back for him once Sebastian's gotten his stuff out." Blaine sat down in the chair he normally used in his meetings with Lisa, slipping off the jacket because her office was warm. Jack closed the door on his way out of the room, leaving Blaine and Lisa alone together.

"I really am okay… I don't need extra sessions, or to have everyone watching me like I'm going to hurt myself or anything like that," Blaine began.

"Okay. I'm guessing you don't really want to talk about what happened in the woods, do you?" Blaine shrugged.

"There's not really anything to talk about… I walked away when things got uncomfortable. I didn't give Sebastian a chance to hurt me. Getting lost in the woods… it was my fault, because I was stupid enough to walk away even though I knew we were in the woods and I had no clue how to get back out."

"But Blaine… if you hadn't walked away…"

"We might have something worth talking about. But I'm not going to act like I'm some sort of innocent victim here… Sebastian and I both fucked up. We've both been punished for it. And now I just want to get over this cold and forget about the whole thing," Blaine replied.

"Are you sure that forgetting what's happened is going to be the best thing for you?" Blaine shrugged.

"I don't see how spending hours on end talking about what happened is going to help me. It's just something that happened… I've had a lot worse than some sex addict trying to kiss me, okay? If that's the worst thing that happens to me here…" Blaine shook his head, sighing. "I'm dealing with it, okay? It's not a big deal."

"Okay. But if you have a problem, Blaine… if anything changes and you feel like you can't deal with it, I want you to come to me. It's important that you don't keep things bottled up inside, that you let someone in when you're hurting so that you can get help."

"You keep talking about helping me… about how I need to talk about all of this, everything that's happened to me over the past few years. But I feel like talking about it is just making things harder. I was dealing with everything…"

"Blaine, you were drowning. You were self-medicating with alcohol, doing serious damage to your body and your brain. That isn't a life. Talking about what happened will give us a chance to find proper coping mechanisms for you, so that you don't have to hide behind drugs or alcohol or anything else." Blaine started to sigh, but it aggravated his cough and it took a moment for the fit to subside so that he could respond to Lisa's comments. "You still okay? That didn't sound good…"

"I'm fine. It's just the cold…" Blaine couldn't help coughing a few more times. He forced a smile as Lisa brought him a paper cup of water to sip on, to help control his cough. "Thanks."

"I just don't want you to ignore this, okay Blaine? We don't have to talk about what happened now, but eventually you should talk about it. You may not feel like it's affected you right now, but that might change. And I don't want you to feel like you can't talk about it." Blaine looked up as he heard someone knocking on the office door.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Go ahead… you get some rest. We'll talk more on Thursday, when we have our usual session."

"You aren't going to suggest that I'm crazy or something, are you? Or that I'm a danger to myself?" Blaine asked.

"No… I don't think either of those things. I can't say what's going on in your head, and I can only make assumptions based on what you're telling me. But I think that you'll be fine, as long as you're willing to talk about the things that might be bothering you." Blaine nodded, standing up and grabbing the coat to shrug it back on. "Take care of yourself, Blaine. Listen to Ian, get plenty of rest. And come talk to me if you need _anything_, okay? We all want to help you, and we want you to do well here."

"I know."

"Go ahead… go get some rest."

Blaine didn't say a word to Jack until they were back in the cabin. Blaine avoided looking at the bare mattress where Sebastian had been sleeping, even as he kicked off his shoes and shed his jacket before crawling into his own bed.

"Ian said you were the one that got me the clothes…"

"We thought it would be best if someone went ahead and took care of the clothing issue. We didn't think your dad would, and the only way you could stay here would be if you got the proper clothing," Jack replied.

"Thank you."

"Don't worry about it. We just wanted to make sure that you would be okay. That you wouldn't have to worry about whether or not you were going to have the proper clothes for the weather up here." Blaine nodded.

"I'm sorry. For accusing you of wanting to change who I am. Back at the beginning…" Blaine could see the confusion on the man's face as he sat down on the far end of the bed.

"You don't have to apologize for that, Blaine. That was your experience with therapists and schools like this before you came here. You had every right to question our motives, because you knew that your father had been the one to send you here."

"You could have said something. About you and Ian, I mean." Blaine watched as the man shrugged.

"I didn't think that it was the right time or place for that conversation. And I wanted you to learn to trust me without talking about that," Jack replied. "It's not something Ian and I really talk about at work. Not because we feel a need to hide who we are and our relationship, but because we don't want it to become an issue with anyone." Blaine nodded as the man stood up again. "Now, you should get some rest. I'll send one of the other guys down here to get you before Group."

"Jack…" Blaine began as the man started to walk away. "Thanks. I know I haven't really been easy to deal with…"

"Blaine, if the worst we have to deal with from you are these health problems, you'll be one of the easiest guys we've had here."

"But my dad…"

"Isn't you. Your dad is the problem here, and if he won't take responsibility for your welfare, then someone has to. You have other things that you need to worry about right now."

"I know."

"Get some rest, okay? You need it."


	20. Sleepwalking

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: I was going to make this chapter 2000+ words. Really, I was. And then I had to finish my article inventory for my class, and after all of the writing that was involved with that I was just sick of writing period. Plus I'm in the planning phases of my next attempt at NaNoWriMo (part of why I failed so miserably for June is that I didn't actually PLAN anything before I started). So yeah, enjoy.**

"Can we talk?" Blaine looked up from his English textbook as Kurt slid into the seat next to him. "I promise, no going anywhere or anything like that." Blaine dropped his pencil into the center of the book, flipping it closed.

"What's up?" Blaine watched as the older boy bit down on his bottom lip.

"You haven't said anything about what happened with Sebastian." Blaine closed his eyes, sighing. It had been almost a week since he'd gotten out of the infirmary, and although his cold had cleared up to the point that it was only an occasional cough he still couldn't get away from people who were worried about how what had happened had affected him.

"Because there's nothing _to_ say… did Jack put you up to this?" Kurt shook his head, and Blaine sighed. "I was just too trusting with Sebastian… I've learned my lesson, and I won't make the same mistake again. I knew he had issues with that stuff, but I went with him anyway.

"You're not really blaming yourself for this, are you?"

"I know it isn't my fault that Sebastian felt that way. But I could have refused to go with him… not that it really matters now anyway. He isn't allowed anywhere near me, and I'm not going to search him out. It's over…" Blaine felt the boy put a hand on his knee, before he pulled away from Kurt's touch. "Please don't touch me."

"Blaine…"

"Kurt, I _told_ you I have issues with that kind of stuff. I don't… I'm not okay with that kind of affection. And I _really_ don't want it after what happened with Sebastian." Blaine stood up, grabbing his book and starting to move over towards his bed – away from Kurt. But the older boy followed him, standing at the end of his bed.

"You try to act like it hasn't affected you, Blaine… but it has. You may not see it, but you're starting to push everyone away again. You hardly talk in Group, you don't have anything to say when we're all together…" Blaine couldn't help scoffing and rolling his eyes at the idea of _Kurt_ lecturing him about not participating with the rest of the group. "Maybe I'm not the best person to talk. But no one else wants to say anything to you…"

"Kurt… what do you all _want_ me to say? Everyone keeps acting like I'm fragile, like all of a sudden I might _break_ if anyone even looks at me wrong. No one wants to believe me when I say that I'm okay, but I _am_. And the only thing I need right now is time to get all of this schoolwork done, and for this stupid cast to come off." Blaine opened his English book and picked his pencil back up to get back to work, ignoring the fact that Kurt was still standing there.

"I just want you to be okay…"

"I _am_ okay. I don't understand why no one else around here seems to understand that."

**LINE**

Kurt had never been a very sound sleeper. Years of abuse at the hands of the bullies at school had only made his sleep issues worse, because he had often been woken up by nightmares or flashbacks to some of the things that had happened. And while being at Mountainview had calmed things down to some degree, he did still occasionally have sleep problems that woke him up at ridiculous hours, making it impossible for Kurt to go back to sleep. Which was probably why he was the only one to actually see what was happening.

It wasn't exactly strange for Kurt to wake up with a start, especially in the middle of the night. What was strange was the fact that Kurt wasn't the only one in the room moving around. Finding the source of the shuffling noise wasn't all that difficult, even in the dark of a new moon. Someone was shuffling around in the bathroom with the lights off, occasionally bumping into things and generally just not doing a very good job of being quiet even though it was the middle of the night. Kurt climbed out of bed slowly, wondering if he should have one of the other boys go with him to investigate.

The door was only pushed to, without actually being closed or locked or giving any of the signs that the person inside wanted privacy. Still, Kurt knocked softly before making any attempt to go into the room.

"Blaine?" Kurt edged closer to the younger boy as he spoke, trying to figure you exactly why he wasn't responding. The boy just sort of wandered around the room, moving things around and not really seeming to _do_ anything. "Blaine, what are you doing?" The fact that Blaine wasn't responding to anything he said was concerning. "Blaine?"

Blaine wasn't responding to Kurt at all; the boy didn't seem to be able to hear him as he bumped around the room blindly, rearranging everyone's soap and shampoo and razors – Kurt had a feeling it was going to cause problems the next morning when it came time for some of the boys in their cabin to get showers. But Blaine seemed oblivious to anything that was going on in the room – he didn't even seem conscious of what he was doing. Kurt walked over to the other boy, putting a hand on his shoulder. Kurt expected a response, and he was shocked when Blaine simply continued with what he was doing as though nothing had happened.

"Blaine… seriously, this isn't funny…" The boy still didn't respond, instead walking across the room to start rearranging the toothbrushes and toothpaste tubes sitting by the sinks. It didn't take long for Kurt to realize that somehow, Blaine was arranging like items together and placing the bottles in some kind of strange order based on their colors. "Blaine?"

Kurt really wasn't sure what he should do; clearly, something was going on that he didn't understand. Kurt walked over to Blaine, grabbing his elbow and pulling him away from the sinks and accidentally making him drop someone's toothbrush on the floor. It wasn't until he turned Blaine around that Kurt realized the boy wasn't awake.

Blaine was sleepwalking. And Kurt had no idea what he should do for the boy, whether he should wake him up and take him back to bed or just leave him be. Kurt bit down on his bottom lip, trying to lead Blaine out of the bathroom and back towards his bed because Kurt just didn't know what else to do with him.

"What's going on?" someone muttered as Blaine stumbled around on the way back to his bed.

"Blaine's sleepwalking… go back to sleep," Kurt replied.

"Whatever you do, don't wake him up…" Kurt turned, noticing that Chuck had sat up in his bed. "I did that once to my brother. He was so freaked out, I ended up in the hospital with a concussion…" Kurt nodded, gently pushing Blaine towards the bed and trying to force him to sit down and get back in the bed. Kurt sighed as Blaine started to stand up again.

"Oh no you don't… you are _not_ running around this cabin still asleep…" Kurt rolled his eyes as he heard Chuck laughing. "I don't really find this funny…"

"Kurt, you can't stop him. Just put him back in the bed, and go back to sleep. If you can get him under the covers, he's probably going to stay there the rest of the night." Kurt sighed, wishing that it was as easy as Chuck seemed to think it was; Blaine wasn't making things easy, and Kurt was starting to get _very_ frustrated with the entire situation.

Finally, Kurt somehow managed to get Blaine back in his bed about the time the sun started to come up. Even though Kurt knew he needed to get some more sleep, as he finally collapsed into the bed he realized that he wasn't going to be able to keep his eyes closed for the hour he had left before they would all have to wake up.

Kurt groaned as Jack came into the room a little less than an hour later, surprised that he'd actually dozed off at some point after he'd put Blaine back to bed. "C'mon, Kurt… you have to get up, it's a school day."

"Five more minutes." Kurt rolled over, attempting to bury his face in his pillow and failing rather miserably.

"It's not like you to not wake up…" Jack began.

"He got stuck dealing with a sleepwalker last night," Chuck replied.

"Who? Nobody got hurt, did they?" Kurt rolled back over, sighing.

"Blaine was in the bathroom, messing with stuff. The only damage was someone's toothbrush got dropped, and it may have ended up in the floor…" Kurt replied. He watched as Jack sighed, glancing over at the bed closest to the bathroom that still contained the sleeping, dark-haired boy.

"I'll see if I can talk to him about it… get up and get ready for class."

Kurt got up, wandering into the bathroom to start getting ready and hopefully help the other guys figure out exactly where their things had ended up. He was surprised when he walked out of the bathroom again that Blaine and Jack were both gone.

"Where did Blaine go?"

"Outside talking to Jack… he looked pretty upset about something," Robbie replied. Kurt couldn't help glancing over at the door worriedly every few moments as he got ready to go to breakfast; the fact that Blaine wasn't coming back into the building made Kurt wonder if something was going on. "Dude, whatever it is, Blaine's okay. He's with Jack…"

"You would think the two of you were dating, the way you're always watching everything he does…" Scott added. Kurt shook his head, choosing to ignore the looks everyone gave him.

"Admit it, Kurt… something is going on…" Kurt rolled his eyes at Liam's words.

"It's not like we're going to say anything to anyone, okay? As long as you two aren't doing things…"

"There's nothing going on between me and Blaine, okay?" Kurt replied. He turned around to face the rest of the cabin. "He's a friend, and I'm worried about him. That's it, okay? There's nothing else going on…"

"Then why do I get the feeling that you aren't exactly _happy_ with that arrangement?" Kurt raised an eyebrow, shooting Liam a _look_.

"Since when does Group take place first thing in the morning in our cabin?" Kurt asked. He turned towards the door as it opened again, but Jack was the only person who came inside. "Where's Blaine?"

"He has a doctor's appointment this morning about his hand… I sent him over to the infirmary already, so that he wouldn't be late," Jack replied. "C'mon, guys, breakfast is in ten minutes and you all need to eat… I'm not dealing with all of you when you're annoyed later this afternoon because you're starving…"


	21. Does It Ever Stop?

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: UGH. So, this chapter is the result of being completely unable to sleep tonight. It is after 4 AM, and I haven't slept yet. I'm not even tired any more. And the fact that I'm apparently coming down with something doesn't help. :/**

It felt weird, being able to actually move his fingers and wrist. "You'll still need to be careful… don't try to overuse your wrist and hand. And I want you to wear the wrist brace until you get some of the strength back." Blaine nodded at the orthopedic surgeon's instructions. "And I don't want you out hiking just yet, either… I know that's part of the program at Mountainview, but you don't need to risk re-injuring yourself so quickly."

"The boys are done with hikes for the winter… they won't take them out into the woods until the snow stops and it starts to warm up again. What about physical therapy?" Katie asked. Blaine watched as a nurse walked in with a black brace and started putting it on his wrist. It didn't look like it would be all that difficult, and Blaine was thankful for that because he would have to do it left-handed and on his own.

"I'll have my nurse give you the number for the physical therapy group we usually recommend. I didn't have her set up any appointments because I knew there would be timing issues… I thought it would probably be best to let someone on your end schedule everything."

"That sounds good… anything else we need to know?"

"I think that's everything… if you have any questions, just call. My nurse can answer most questions, and if she can't I'll get back to you as quickly as I can with the answer," the doctor replied.

Blaine was very glad when they finally got to leave the doctor's office, getting back into Katie's car for the ride back up the mountain. "So… are you excited to be able to use your hand again?"

"It'll be nice to be able to write normally again. I think all of my teachers will be happy to see that I can actually write again, since I'm pretty sure it was almost impossible to understand…" Blaine slid down a little further in his seat, trying to keep himself from falling asleep. Even though he'd slept the night before, he was exhausted.

"Well, at least they'll be able to understand you now," Katie replied. "Besides, I'm sure it wasn't nearly as bad as you think it was." Blaine shrugged.

"I just know that I had to read some of my work to the teacher so that they could grade it because my handwriting was so bad. And my handwriting's probably still going to be bad, since I haven't been using it for so long."

"I'm sure it won't take you long to get back into practice." Blaine just shrugged; he glanced out of the window, wondering if this was going to be one of those long car rides full of uncomfortable silences. "You seem awfully tired today… everything okay?"

Blaine shrugged in response. "Guess I just didn't get enough sleep last night. I thought I'd slept pretty well, but I guess I was wrong."

"Why don't you close your eyes and get some rest, then? I'll wake you up when we get back to school, so that you can go finish getting ready and head to the rest of your classes."

It didn't take long for Blaine to doze off on their ride back to the school. It was a fairly long drive, and Katie was kind enough to leave him alone so that he could actually sleep for a little while.

"Blaine? Blaine, it's time to wake up."

"Huh?" Blaine opened his eyes, blinking a few times as they adjusted to the light.

"We're back… it's time for you to wake up and go get ready for class," Katie replied. Blaine raised an eyebrow, glancing at the clock on Katie's dashboard. He was sort of surprised that he'd missed so many classes going to the doctor. "I know, it's sort of late. But you still need to go to as many classes as you can today. Stick to the routine as much as possible."

"I just want to go sleep…" Blaine began.

"I know. But you can sleep after class."

"I have a session with Lisa after class. And then Group before dinner. Not to mention homework. So when, exactly, am I supposed to sleep other than tonight when it's time to go to bed?"

"Blaine, I know it can be overwhelming sometimes, but you need to do what you can to keep up in class. You can't just ignore it all when things get hard…" Blaine shook his head, opening the car door and getting out without saying anything to Katie. "Blaine…"

"I'm going, okay? I'm going to class, and therapy and Group and everything else that I have to do today, because clearly no one gives a shit that I'm miserable at the moment!"

"That isn't true, Blaine!"

Blaine ignored the woman, walking back to his cabin as quickly as he could. Blaine couldn't help slamming the door as he walked over to his bunk to get his books. He couldn't understand why Katie didn't seem sympathetic about the fact that he was exhausted. Blaine wasn't normally one to be tired all the time, especially not when he was actually going to sleep and waking up at a regular time. But for the past few days he hadn't been able to keep his eyes open all day long; it seemed as though the more he slept, the harder it was for him to make it through the day without needing a nap.

"Blaine?" Blaine ignored Jack's voice, doing his best to get all of his things inside his backpack. "C'mon, Blaine… talk to me. Why are you upset?"

"No one cares that I'm exhausted. All anyone wants is for me to just do everything 'right,' to be a good student and do what I'm told. But I don't see what good it's going to do me if I can't even stay awake during class…"

"You're tired from sleepwalking…" Blaine dropped the book he had been attempting to shove into his backpack, raising an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?"

"You didn't know that you were a sleepwalker?" Jack asked. Blaine could tell that the man was somewhat concerned by that news.

"I haven't exactly had anyone who would tell me that before. My dad never gave a shit, and I haven't exactly lived with anyone else long enough to know…" Blaine began. He sighed. "What did I do?"

"I don't think it was anything serious…mostly just moving things around in the cabin." Blaine sighed, shaking his head.

"That was _my_ fault?" Blaine watched as Jack nodded. "Great… so everyone hates me."

"They don't hate you, Blaine… the might be frustrated by some of the things you've done while you were sleepwalking, but they aren't going to hate you because of that." Blaine shrugged, making Jack sigh. "Why don't you just try and get some sleep this afternoon? We'll wake you up in time for your meeting with Lisa." Blaine sat down on the side of his bunk, shaking his head.

"Is it ever going to stop? Will it ever just be easy?" Blaine watched as Jack shook his head.

"I don't know, Blaine. I just don't know."


	22. More Problems

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: This chapter is brought to you by my crazy friends singing along to Team Starkid songs in the car on the way home from Orlando (we just went to Disney and Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure for the last week… we've all lost our minds at this point). Hope you all enjoy! **

Blaine bit down on his bottom lip as Lisa watched him. He wasn't sure what to say; he had been trying to figure out what was going on all day, and somehow he still couldn't quite wrap his head around it. He didn't really know _what_ was making him sleepwalk, even though he knew that there had to be something there. It just didn't make any sense; Blaine had been doing so well up until that point. "Blaine… I need you to talk to me. Your sleepwalking is dangerous, and we need to make sure that you're okay." Blaine shook his head.

"I don't _know_. I thought everything was fine…" Blaine replied. He closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I didn't know I was sleepwalking. I thought I was just really tired."

"You don't know how long it's been going on?" Blaine shook his head again. "When did you start feeling so tired all the time?"

"A week or so ago… after everything that happened with Sebastian, when I started getting better from that cold. I just sort of thought that it was still the cold getting me… I usually stay sick for a long time when I catch something like that," Blaine replied.

"Do you think there might be a relationship there?" Lisa asked. Blaine shrugged.

"You tell me… you're the one with the psychology degree." Blaine really wasn't sure that he wanted to know where Lisa was going with that line of thought; it couldn't be anywhere good.

"Blaine, I can't fix this for you. I need you to talk to me about what's going on, so that we can deal with this."

"But I don't understand what's going on, either… I was okay…" Blaine closed his eyes, fighting back tears. "I don't know why I'm getting so upset. I just… it made me remember things I was trying to forget. And I can't go there. I just can't."

"What made you remember things from your past?" Lisa asked.

"What happened with Sebastian. It… I just can't deal with all of that stuff right now."

"Why not?" Blaine looked up at her, shaking his head.

"I'm not ready to talk about it. My past is just that… the past. And I don't see how reliving all of that is going to help me deal with what's going on here and now."

"Blaine, your past affects a lot more than you realize… it's a huge part of who you are, who you've become. And you can't deny that. I know it's hard to think about those feelings, but we _need_ to get to the bottom of this." Blaine sighed, closing his eyes. He didn't want to talk about it, but at the same time he knew that avoiding the subject would just make Lisa worry even more than she already did about him. And having Lisa worried wasn't a good thing, because she would do something about it.

"I was fourteen the first time," he whispered, shaking his head. "I was so drunk… there was this guy, and he offered to buy me whatever I wanted. I didn't know what I would have to do in return. It was in his car, in a parking lot… he just kept passing me drinks, and then he just pushed my head down. I didn't know what I was doing… but I just did it. I didn't have a choice… and after that it was just sort of easy to keep doing it, because I got what I wanted from people when I did it…"

"Do you think that you could say it?" Blaine shook his head. That was something he wasn't going to do, no matter what Lisa said. It made things too real. "Okay… you don't have to push it. But this is an improvement. This is you talking about what happened to you, and starting to deal with the situation you've been put into." Blaine bit down on his bottom lip. "Do you want to keep talking?"

"I'd rather just go back to my cabin," Blaine replied, barely above a whisper.

"I need you to tell me the truth – you'll be okay, right?" Blaine nodded, trying not to look at the woman for fear of breaking down in front of her.

"I just… I'd rather write it down. Not say it. Saying it's harder."

"Okay. But if it's too hard, or if anything happens that you feel like you can't handle, you _need_ to ask for help. It's very important that you don't let things get out of control."

"I know."

"Go get some rest, get your schoolwork done. Someone will be here if you need to talk." Blaine nodded, getting up to leave. "And Blaine… take care of yourself."

Blaine had to admit that he sort of wished that he could make the walk back to his cabin last a bit longer. But the cold weather made that a bad idea, especially given the situation he'd been in just a couple of weeks earlier, so he walked as quickly as he could.

The cabin was full of activity, given the fact that his cabin mates seemed to be frantically cleaning. And with so many boys living in the cabin, there was plenty that needed to be done. "What's going on?"

"Jack said we had twenty minutes to clean this place up unless we all wanted to be on cabin restriction for the rest of the week," Robbie explained.

"He's serious, too… things got a little messy when we were trying to figure out what you did with everyone's clothes last night," Scott added. Blaine raised an eyebrow. "Instead of just messing with the bathroom stuff, you were rearranging our clothes in your sleep. Seriously, dude, it's like your sleep-self has OCD or something." Blaine shook his head, sighing.

"I'm sorry, guys…"

"Look, you can make it up to us by helping us clean this place up, and by figuring out what the hell is causing all of this so it'll stop," Liam replied. Blaine nodded, jumping in to help put everything where it was supposed to be before Jack returned to check on their progress. He couldn't help feeling bad about all of the extra work and stress he seemed to be causing his new friends – his problems were supposed to be just that, _his_ problems. And yet somehow it always seemed like Blaine was dragging everyone else into his mess of a life in some way.

By the time Jack walked back into the cabin fifteen minutes later, the room was relatively clean; they hadn't really had time to do chores like vacuuming the carpet or anything like that, but at least everyone's things were where they belonged. "It looks a lot better in here, guys. Let's try _not_ to let it get like that again…"

"It wouldn't have gotten like that if Blaine wasn't sleepwalking," Chuck replied.

"Look, I'm sorry, guys…" Blaine began.

"We know it isn't your fault," Chuck interrupted. "It's not like you can control it. But it's a pain in the ass to deal with the aftermath every morning. I don't know how many messes we've cleaned up over the past few weeks, but it's getting old."

"I know. But there really isn't anything we can do at this point. We just have to wait it out, and eventually it should…"

"What, go away? It's not like that's going to just happen," Blaine replied. He ignored Jack's annoyed sigh.

"I know it isn't that easy, Blaine… trust me, I've dealt with things like this before. But it isn't as if this will last forever, either. Lisa and Jana are good at dealing with things like this, and they'll help you with whatever you need…" Blaine shook his head. "Go ahead and start your homework… we'll talk about all of this later."

Blaine sat down at the table as Jack started to leave, more than a little annoyed about the way all of the adults seemed to be handling the situation at hand. He wanted there to be a solution, something that could be done _now_ to fix the problem so that his life could go back to normal – or at least as normal as it could be at Mountainview. "You'll be okay, you know… it's not like you're doing anything dangerous." Blaine looked up at Kurt, who was shooting him a sympathetic smile.

"It just seems like everyone's solution is to tell me to go on with my life and we'll work it out later. But I want this to just be done with already… I want things to get back to normal."

"There's no such thing as normal around here, Blaine… things are always crazy and weird…" Kurt began.

"I'm just done with all of this," Blaine interrupted, shaking his head. "With everything going on… I just want to be normal, for once in my life. Or at least as normal as I can be." Blaine was surprised when Kurt shook his head.

"There's no such thing as normal, Blaine… all you can do is be yourself, and try to surround yourself with people who love you that way." Blaine shook his head.

"I don't have anyone like that…"

"You have me," Kurt replied. Blaine glanced back at the other boy, who was smiling at him. "I know a lot of your secrets, and I'm still sitting here saying that I love you exactly as you are…"

Blaine shook his head, closing his eyes. "How can you love me? With everything you know about me… when I can't tell you that I have the same feelings… how can you still say that?"

"Because I know it's just that you've been hurt too many times before. You're the first guy I've ever fallen for that I actually had a chance with, Blaine. Unless you tell me that I don't have a chance with you, now or in the future, I'm not ready to give up on that yet."

"You could have any gay guy here, if you wanted them…" Blaine replied. He watched as Kurt shrugged.

"You may think that about me, but you'd probably have better luck than I would with that… and it has nothing to do with your past." Blaine raised an eyebrow, confused. "You can't tell me that you don't realize how good looking you are. Your eyes, that hair…" Blaine could feel himself blushing at the idea that anyone found him attractive. "Seriously… no one's ever told you that?"

"No one I would believe… I've only ever heard that from people who wanted something from me. I just went with it, because I knew it was the only way I was going to get what I needed to survive… I just sort of assumed they were lying to me, because they thought it would make things easier." Blaine watched as Kurt shrugged.

"It's the truth. You're very attractive, and whomever you end up choosing is going to be a lucky guy. I can't help hoping that it's me." Blaine couldn't help smiling as Kurt took his hand, squeezing it gently. "You're going to be okay, right?" Blaine nodded.

"Yeah…"

"Good… because I think Jack might kill us both if you don't get your homework done tonight because of all of this."


	23. Blaine's Journal 4

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: Another journal chapter – mostly because I know that all of you will be asking for it, even though I think it's probably fairly obvious what Blaine was going to say in the last chapter (it was, wasn't it? I was trying to make it obvious to all of you…). So yeah, here's another chapter, and I hope you all enjoy!**

December 1st, 2011

I'm honestly not sure that I can write this all down. But I think that's probably going to be easier than actually _saying_ all of it to Lisa. Maybe then I can just let her read this or something, so that I don't have to actually _tell_ her.

My dad hates me. I've known that for a long time… he resented being stuck with me when he and my mom got divorced, and he couldn't stand that I wasn't "normal" when I came out. I was twelve when I figured out what I was… I didn't know that it was something not considered normal, something that would make people hate me. So I just sort of blurted it out, told my dad everything.

I'm not really sure how I discovered that alcohol made the pain go away, at least temporarily. I'm sure it's fucked me up in the head so much at this point that I'll probably never remember a lot of things about my past. But I do remember running away, trying to escape the verbal abuse my father loved to throw my way every chance he got. I remember it being almost impossible to stay gone, because of how sick I would feel when I didn't have the alcohol. It was physically painful to be gone, and it was impossible to get alcohol from anywhere other than my father's house.

At least not until I was fourteen. I guess I was pretty naïve for a kid that had been living on the streets on and off for a couple of years; I don't know how I made it that long without ever figuring it out. I was just trying to stay warm, trying to keep myself alive, and a guy I didn't know offered to let me sit in his car for a while, just to warm up. I didn't think about the consequences… or maybe I did, and I was just so cold that I didn't really care. Either way, I followed him and I drank the beer he offered me. I had six or seven of them and we just talked and hung out for a few hours. I was pretty out of it when he pulled me towards him, and I just sort of let him pull me over so that my head was in his lap. Then he just pulled it out and put my hand on his dick and… and I just sort of did it, even though I had no idea what I was doing. But he seemed to like it, and afterwards he bought me food and cigarettes and stuff. I think that was when I realized that I really did have ways of taking care of myself, even if I had to do things that I really didn't like.

That was just the beginning. There were a lot of other things I did – sexual things – that were even worse. Things that I had to be drunk to make myself do. But when you're just a kid, living on the streets with nowhere else to go, you have to do whatever it takes. It would have happened eventually; being a willing participant just meant that I got something out of it, too.

I'm not proud of what I did. But I can't say that I wouldn't do the same things again if that was what I had to do to survive, no matter how much I may hate myself for it sometimes. The only thing I really hate is the fact that it makes getting close to other people hard. Even when people _know_ what I am and what I've done, I can't help thinking that they can't really accept me as I am. Who could really love someone as fucked up as me, when my own parents don't?

Kurt says he does. He claims that it doesn't matter, that he wants to know me and all of that. And I'm pretty sure he knows what I've done, or that he's at least guessed. But I'm not okay with going there… with putting myself in a position where those things are sort of expected. Because I do care about Kurt, and I know that he doesn't have a clue about what it all really means. And I don't want to hurt him any more than I want to let him be in a position to hurt me.

I've been hurt too many times already. I just wish there was a way to keep it from happening again, without having to become a hermit or something like that.


	24. Confessions

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So, it's time for some truths to be told. I'm honestly not sure if all of you are going to want to kill me or kiss me when you read this chapter, lol!**

"I had sex with men I didn't know. For money, and for food and alcohol." Blaine sat down across the table from Kurt, watching as the other boy looked up from the textbook he'd been reading.

"I knew that…" Blaine shook his head, sighing.

"But I never _said_ it before. I just sort of let people make assumptions, and didn't really care if people assumed correctly or not," Blaine replied. He looked down at his hands, messing with the cuticle on his left thumb. "I need to say it. I need to learn how to accept my past and move forward. And I feel like I need you to know everything." Blaine glanced up at Kurt, thankful that they were the only two in their cabin at the moment. He was sort of surprised when Kurt reached out and took his hand, smiling at him.

"You trust me that much?" Blaine sighed.

"I know that I can tell you things that I'm afraid to share with anyone else. I haven't even _said_ those words to Lisa before… I wrote it down in the journal, let her read it. But I couldn't bring myself to _say_ those words to her the last time we talked." Blaine could tell that Kurt was confused by what he was saying. "I'm not the type of person that takes to other people easily. And to be honest, I wanted to hate you at first because you were making my life your business and I'd never had anyone do that before. But you've… you're…" Blaine shook his head, sighing and closing his eyes. Somehow, he couldn't put it into words without it sounding either idiotic or really corny.

"But you're more comfortable with me, now." Blaine nodded at Kurt's words.

"You're probably the first person I've ever really considered a friend. At least since I came out, anyway. And if anyone should know the whole story, it should be you."

"No," Kurt replied. Blaine opened his eyes again, raising one eyebrow in confusion. "I'm not the only one who should know, I mean. Lisa can help you more than I ever could. Jack, too. I'm here to listen, if that's what you need. But I can't guarantee that I'll know how to handle anything you say properly. I won't know what you need to hear."

"I'm not looking for a therapist, Kurt… I just want a friend. Or maybe something more than a friend. I don't really know anymore…" Blaine replied, shaking his head. "I just… I want to know what it's like to have someone around that I can trust. Someone that isn't a doctor, or a therapist, or anything like that. Someone my age." Blaine bit down on his bottom lip. "You don't have to, okay? I just… I thought you might…"

"Of course I'll listen. I just didn't think you should be relying solely on me in this situation… I'm not going to be of much help," Kurt replied.

"But you're the one whose help I want. I don't really care if you don't know what to say. You're the only person I feel like telling all of these things."

Blaine wasn't sure what possessed him at that moment, but his first instinct was to lean in and press a soft kiss against Kurt's lips, just for a moment. Blaine pulled back, shaking his head and sighing.

"I'm sorry… I don't know what made me do that…" Blaine began.

"Shut up." Blaine was surprised by Kurt's reaction.

"Wait… what?" Blaine watched as Kurt shook his head.

"That wasn't what I meant… you don't have to apologize for what you did. If… if you want to do that, it's okay. If it means something, anyway," Kurt replied. Blaine nodded, knowing what Kurt meant. "Did it… did it mean anything?"

"I'm kind of confused, honestly. I… I really do like you. But I don't know what I want right now, other than a friend. I don't know if I can _do_ the boyfriend thing… I don't know if I can handle it," Blaine replied. He shook his head, sighing. "I'm really fucked up… like, really. And I don't know that I can ever be normal because of what's happened to me. And I don't want to bring you down with me…" Blaine felt the other boy squeeze his hand again.

"I'm still willing to wait. But I don't do friends with benefits," Kurt replied.

"I wouldn't ask you to become anything like me. Ever. I don't want anyone else to ever become as fucked up as I am." Blaine was surprised when Kurt leaned across and pressed a soft kiss against his lips, cupping his cheek with his free hand, but it didn't take him long to respond in kind. Finally, Kurt pulled away and smiled at him.

"I don't think you're as fucked up as you think you are. I think that you're going to be okay in the end, once you've had time to deal with what's happened in your life." Blaine raised an eyebrow.

"You really think that?" Blaine was surprised when Kurt nodded, smiling at him.

"I really do."

"So are you two together or what?" Blaine looked up as he heard Robbie's comment. The younger boy was smiling expectantly. Blaine sighed, dropping Kurt's hand and pulling away from the older boy.

"No, Robbie… we're just talking about some stuff," Kurt replied. Blaine watched as Robbie rolled his eyes.

"I hate to tell you guys, but making out does _not_ count as 'talking' about stuff," Robbie replied as he walked over to his bunk to drop his bag.

"You're not going to tell anyone about that, are you?" Blaine asked. He wasn't really sure what Jack and Lisa and everyone would say if they found out that he and Kurt were… well, Blaine really wasn't sure exactly _what_ he and Kurt were at that point. But whatever it was, Blaine really wasn't sure that they would be okay with him staying in the same cabin as Kurt. Blaine didn't want to move to a different cabin, and he didn't want Kurt to be moved either.

"No. Not unless it's going to be a problem…"

"It won't be," Blaine replied. "We're still just talking… and we won't do anything to make anyone else uncomfortable."

"It's not anything serious," Kurt added.

"Whatever… just don't let it be a problem, okay? I don't care if you two are together, but I don't want to have to see you two making out all the time or anything like that."

"Who was making out?" Scott asked as he walked into the cabin. Blaine was sort of glad that Robbie had already interrupted them, although he had a feeling that they were going to have to answer the same questions over and over again. "Wait… Kurt and Blaine were making out?"

"We kissed twice… we didn't really make out," Kurt replied. "And we aren't going to do anything else while people are around, especially if it makes anyone uncomfortable."

"So, are you guys, like, together?" Blaine shook his head. "Why not, dude? I'm not into that, but you two are both good looking guys…"

"There's a lot more to think about than how attractive we are," Blaine replied, rolling his eyes. "I'm not ready for a relationship yet. Kurt being hot isn't going to change that fact."

"But if you were ready… could you still say that you weren't interested?" Robbie asked.

"I never said I wasn't interested… I said I wasn't ready for something like that," Blaine replied. "If I wasn't so fucked up, I probably would have been the one chasing Kurt as soon as I found out he was gay, too. But if I _wasn't_ so fucked up, I never would have met any of you and we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"So this whole conversation is therefore moot," Kurt added. "Look, I have homework that I need to get back to, and I would really appreciate it if we could end this conversation so that I can focus." Blaine shot Kurt a grateful look as Robbie and Scott turned away from the conversation, so that they could both go back to what they had been doing before.

"I actually need to do my homework, too," Blaine replied.

"I don't know if you're still struggling with that geometry, but I can help you when I finish this essay, if you need it," Kurt commented. Blaine shrugged.

"It's not due until Monday. I actually need to finish reading this play first," Blaine replied, pulling out a copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ that had clearly been well-used in the past few years.

"_Two households, both alike in dignity,/In fair Verona, where we lay our scene_…" Blaine rolled his eyes as Robbie started quoting the play.

"Please stop… I've heard that at least thirty times in the past two weeks and I'm _really_ getting sick of it…" Blaine interrupted. "I'm just ready to finish this play and get back to reading stuff that's written in modern English, so that I can actually understand what's being said."

"Technically, Shakespeare _is_ modern English," Kurt replied. "If you think Shakespeare is hard, try reading Chaucer in the original Middle English… it's borderline impossible unless you've got footnotes and a teacher that knows the language."

"Do I seriously have to do that when I get to senior English?" Blaine asked, looking up from his book with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't worry about it… you'll be prepared for it before you get there." Blaine just shrugged at Kurt's assurances.

"I doubt I'm going to actually do senior year, anyway… I think the plan is for me to just do enough classwork to pass the GED test," Blaine replied. "I _want_ to do everything right, get an actual diploma and everything like that, but I guess I have to give something up because of the things I've done…" Blaine ignored the look Kurt shot him, turning back to his book. He didn't want to talk about things; all Blaine wanted to do was get his assignment finished and make it through the next week or so before they got out of classes for their winter break – even if Blaine was going to be spending the whole time on campus instead of going home like most of the other boys.


	25. Kurt's Journal

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So… this chapter is different. Well… you'll see **_**how**_** it's different when you read it. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy!**

December 4, 2011

The last couple of days have been weird. Which is saying something, considering the fact that there's _nothing_ about Mountainview that's normal. But the last few days… I thought I was falling for Blaine before. It was easy to like him. He's handsome, kind… I guess you could sort of call him perfect. I'd call him perfect. It's kind of crazy; Blaine's been hurt so much, by so many people. But when he talks to me, it's like nothing has affected him.

Blaine told me… I guess it's everything. I don't know if it really is the whole truth, but there are so many details that I know now. Things he's never said in Group, things that I'm not sure if he's talked to Lisa about. Things I can't imagine having to do just to survive. Things that make me wish I could just hold him, tell him everything is okay and figure out some way to take away all of that pain he feels because _no one_ should have to feel that way. Because he deserves to be as happy as I am when we're together, even if we're just talking.

I don't want anything from him physically… I know that he can't do that. Not yet, anyway. So I'm just content with trying to kiss away his pain, with letting him get whatever it is off his chest. I screwed things up in my own life, and I hadn't been through nearly as much as Blaine has. Now, hearing the things he has to say… I can't figure out how he's made it through so much without falling to pieces the way I did. I would have been even more of a mess without my dad's support… and he's made it through all of this with his dad being part of the problem. Hell, his dad _is_ the problem.

It sort of hurts that I can't do something more for him. Blaine's been fucked over so many times – his dad's an asshole, his mom doesn't care, he's had more guys than he can count use and abuse him over the years. Not to mention all of the shit that went down first with Dave, and then with Sebastian. He deserves a break already.

I just hope that I can be there for him without doing anything that might cause him any more problems. I _want_ to help Blaine, really I do. But… I sort of wonder if I'll only do more harm than good. Can I really be there for him, be strong enough to support him, when I couldn't even hold myself together? When I only had to deal with a small portion of what he's been through, and it destroyed my whole life?

I don't want to hurt Blaine. But I don't think that I can give up what we've had the past few days. I _won't_ give up on him. Because maybe that's what Blaine really needs – someone that will always care about how he's doing, about what he's thinking. Someone who isn't going to judge him. Maybe that's all any of us need.


	26. Christmas Break

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: This is one of those times where I'm pretty sure you're all going to hate me. Don't worry; I know what I'm doing (and if you've read my finished stories, you'll know that there's always something like this… in fact, you were probably beginning to expect it…). So, I hope you enjoy and aren't **_**too**_** ready to kill me…**

Blaine watched silently as the rest of the boys in his cabin packed their things, preparing to go home for the holidays. It was sort of strange for him to be the only one sitting on his bed with nothing to do other than write in his journal.

"I could have talked to my dad, you know… I'm sure my family would have loved having you over for the holidays…" Kurt began, sitting down on the foot of his bed. Kurt was going to be one of the first to leave for the airport, meaning this would probably be the last time they would see each other until after the new year. Which Blaine was starting to realize was something he _really_ didn't want to happen.

"I can't impose on you like that," Blaine replied, shaking his head. "Besides, I doubt the administration would _let_ your parents take me for the holidays. They're the ones in charge of my life now."

"It just sort of sucks that you're going to be stuck here by yourself for the whole holiday break… I mean, are they going to make you stay on campus, or will you go home with some of the staff, or what?" Kurt asked. Blaine shrugged; no one had given him any idea as to what staying there for the break would actually mean. "You shouldn't be alone on Christmas…"

"I'm sure I won't be. You should go finish packing… the first bus for the airport is leaving soon and you're supposed to be on it," Blaine reminded him. He was a little surprised when Kurt leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against his lips, before he returned to his own bunk and finished packing things into his duffel bag.

"Ten minutes, guys… you have ten minutes until the first bus for the airport loads!" Blaine looked up as Jack walked into the cabin, sending some of the other boys into a panic. Blaine was sort of surprised when Jack approached his bunk. "You aren't packing?"

Blaine shrugged. "I have nowhere to go…"

"You may not have a home to go to for the holidays, but you aren't staying here in the cabin, either." Blaine raised an eyebrow, sitting up on his elbows. "Get your stuff together."

"But… where am I going?" Blaine asked, sitting up and trying to figure out where his backpack was so that he could pack it with some clothes.

"You're going to stay with me and Ian for the holidays."

* * *

Jack and Ian's house wasn't big or fancy, but Blaine couldn't help being impressed by how much it felt like a _home_. And that wasn't a word Blaine used lightly. It was something strange and wonderful, and Blaine loved at least feeling like he was part of a family, even if he didn't really belong there. And when he woke up on Christmas Eve not feeling well, Blaine's first reaction was to avoid rocking the boat by pretending that nothing was wrong, even though he knew that Jack and Ian probably wanted to know.

"You're looking kind of pale… do you feel okay?" Blaine pulled away as Ian tried to put his palm against Blaine's forehead.

"I'm fine. Just kind of tired… I was up kind of late last night," Blaine replied. It wasn't totally a lie; he had been up late, although that had been because he'd felt sick all night. Blaine smiled at the man, shaking his head as he realized that Ian wasn't totally buying it. "Really… I just didn't get much sleep. I'll be fine."

"Why don't you go take a nap after breakfast, then? We don't really have any plans," Ian replied. Blaine nodded, smiling.

"Okay." Blaine sat down at the breakfast table in what had become his usual spot. It had been sort of strange at first, but Blaine was starting to feel as though he belonged in Ian and Jack's home.

Blaine couldn't help feeling kind of sick when he saw what Jack had made for breakfast; they'd had bacon and eggs the previous morning as well, and it had made him feel pretty ill the day before. Blaine knew that it wasn't Jack's cooking – he was the only one that had reacted poorly to the food. He didn't really want to eat it, but Blaine felt that it would be rude to refuse the food or to ask for something else so he forced down a few bites. But Blaine couldn't make himself eat much more after the first few bites.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Blaine tried to pull away as Ian reached out to put a hand on his forehead, but being at the table limited his ability to get away. "You're running a fever…"

"I'm just tired, really…" Blaine replied. He didn't even notice as he started scratching at an itchy patch of skin on his arm. But it seemed clear that Ian didn't buy his excuse as the man stood up and moved closer to him.

"How long have you been itching?" Ian asked as he pulled down on Blaine's lower eyelid. Blaine shrugged, pulling away.

"I don't know…"

"Don't lie to me, okay? The whites of your eyes are yellow, so I know something's going on. How are you really feeling?" Ian asked. Blaine sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"My stomach has been hurting, around here," Blaine replied, moving his hand towards the upper part of his abdomen.

"Have you been feeling sick?" Blaine nodded. "Something's going on with your liver… I think we need to take you to the hospital for some tests…"

"No…" Blaine watched as Ian shook his head.

"This isn't your choice, Blaine… with your history of alcoholism, it could be one of any number of things. Whatever this is, you're sick. And ignoring jaundice doesn't make it go away, it just makes things worse." Blaine sighed, shaking his head.

"I just really don't want to spend my Christmas in the hospital…"

"I know… and I hate putting you in the hospital right before Christmas. But you're sick, and I'm responsible for you during this break. That means being responsible for making sure that you're healthy, and for taking care of whatever you need." Blaine sighed, shaking his head.

"It's my own fault…" Blaine began.

"We don't know that. Go put on some warm clothes…"

"But breakfast…"

"You aren't really eating, anyway. I'll be finished before you get back down here, and then we'll go to the emergency room…"

"But it isn't an emergency…" Blaine watched as Ian sighed, shaking his head.

"Yes, it is. It may not be a life-or-death situation yet, but it is a medical emergency. And the doctor's offices are all closed today for the holidays, so that's the only choice we have right now," Ian replied.

It seemed as though the next thirty minutes were a flurry of activity, followed by more than an hour of being forced to sit in the waiting room while other patients with more serious conditions were seen first.

"Clearly _they_ don't think I'm all that sick," Blaine muttered as yet another person that had arrived after him was called back by the triage nurse.

"That's a good thing, you know? Being forced to wait… it means you aren't as sick as you could be," Ian replied. Blaine closed his eyes, rubbing at his temples. "Head hurting?"

"No… I'm just frustrated."

"I know you don't want to be here, okay? No one wants to be in the hospital for Christmas. But you're sick, and if this is where you need to be then I'd rather this be a bad Christmas rather than your last." Blaine looked up, surprised.

"I could die?"

"Without testing and treatment… it's a possibility, yes. We don't know what's wrong with your liver, and there are a lot of different possibilities… all of which are very serious. Not all are necessarily deadly, but they could be without treatment," Ian replied. Blaine couldn't help biting down on his lip as Ian spoke, absently scratching at his skin. He was starting to realize that everything itched, and nothing seemed to help. "Try not to scratch…"

"It's the only thing that helps, even if it's just for a little while…" Blaine replied.

"I know. It's really not good for you, though." Blaine closed his eyes, trying to ignore the itching.

"Blaine Anderson?"

Everything turned into a mad rush again after that as Blaine was poked and prodded and his blood was drawn for tests. It seemed as though every time he started to get a chance to breathe again, someone else was coming into the room to run some sort of test or to check his vital signs or the IV drip he'd been connected to without really saying much to either Blaine or Ian.

"Can't they at least tell us what they _think_ is wrong?" Blaine muttered after the sixth or seventh nurse in the past hour made her way out.

"I could go ask someone, if it would make you feel better… but until the test results come back, there really isn't anything else they can do."

"You're a doctor… they could at least tell _you_ what's going on…"

"I may be a doctor, Blaine, but I don't have privileges here. I only work for the school, and I can't force them to give me any information… technically, they don't have to tell me anything because I'm not your legal guardian."

"But you're the one that brought me in…" Blaine began.

"And that doesn't mean much. Just relax, okay? They'll tell us something when there's something to tell." Blaine closed his eyes, wishing that Ian could just find out _something_ about what was going on.

"I'm Dr. Forester… you must be Blaine." Blaine opened his eyes again as the door opened and closed, smiling slightly at the tall, dark haired man that had entered the room. "So… how long have you been feeling sick?"

Blaine shrugged. "I don't know… I've been itching for a couple of days. It started hurting yesterday, after breakfast…"

"Blaine…" Ian began. Blaine shrugged.

"I didn't want to worry you… and I really didn't want to end up in the hospital on Christmas."

"What did you eat for breakfast yesterday?" the doctor asked.

"Eggs. Bacon. I think there were hash browns…" Blaine replied. "I couldn't eat the eggs and bacon this morning… I didn't want to feel sick…"

"While I don't recommend skipping meals, it's probably a good thing you didn't eat much, if you think that's what made you feel sick yesterday. When did you first notice the jaundice?"

"This morning, at breakfast… right after I realized he was running a fever," Ian replied. The doctor nodded, putting down the notebook he had brought with him on the table.

"Okay… Blaine, can you show me where it hurts?" As soon as Blaine pointed out the pain, the doctor pressed one of his hands against the area. Blaine was surprised by the pain shooting from that spot. "Sorry. I just need to check a few more things, but I'll stay away from there." Blaine bit down on his bottom lip as the man continued to press on different parts of his stomach, as if he was waiting for some kind of reaction. "Okay… we've got an enlarged spleen, gallbladder, and liver…"

"That's bad, right?" Blaine asked.

"It's not good… I think you might have an obstructed bile duct. I don't know the exact nature of the obstruction… I want to do an ultrasound to check for gallstones, or for anything else that might be causing these symptoms…"

"I'm going to be stuck here through tomorrow, right?" Blaine asked.

"It'll depend on what we find. I'd prefer to be on the safe side, but I also don't want to ruin your holidays. As soon as we know what's going on, I'll let you know for sure."


	27. You're My Best Friend

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: Okay… so this is going to be one of those situations where you hate me, but then you just might love me again…**

"_Fasciola hepatica_. It's…"

"Liver flukes?" Ian asked. Blaine raised an eyebrow, not sure what the two doctors in the room were talking about.

"They've been there for a while… he's reached the obstructive phase, and there are a significant number of stones…"

"What happens now?" Blaine asked, still not completely sure what was going on.

"For now, I'm going to put you on triclabendazole to kill the parasites. And you need to take it easy… I'll let you go home tonight, but we're going to have to remove the stones that have moved into the common bile duct, and probably the gallbladder as well…" Dr. Forester replied.

"When do you want to schedule the surgery?" Ian asked. Blaine bit down on his bottom lip, nervous about what the man's answer would be.

"The sooner the better. I'm staying in town this year for Christmas, and I'd feel better if we didn't wait too long. There's an open OR on the 26th… I can get him in first thing that morning, get this taken care of. He'll spend the night in the hospital, and provided everything goes okay he'll go home the next morning."

Blaine didn't really pay attention to the two men as they continued to discuss his treatment; he knew that Ian would know what needed to be done, and Nothing Blaine said would really change things. He wasn't really sure that he _wanted_ to know all of the details of what was going on, anyway.

As soon as the doctor left the room, Ian took Blaine's hand and squeezed it. "Are you okay?" Blaine shrugged, closing his eyes.

"I just sort of wish it was over with… I don't like being sick. And I really don't want to be stuck in the hospital," Blaine replied.

"It's necessary…" Ian began.

"I know… or you wouldn't have agreed to it." Blaine bit down on his bottom lip. "I'd never had surgery before my hand. Somehow that wasn't as scary as this is…"

"Hey… you're going to be okay. They remove gallstones all the time, and you don't really need your gallbladder… and right now, yours is causing more harm than good."

"It's going to hurt…" Blaine began, closing his eyes as Ian chuckled.

"Blaine, it's going to hurt a hell of a lot worse if you don't have the surgery… and for a lot longer, too." Blaine opened his eyes as a nurse walked into the room to start the process of releasing him.

"First things first… Dr. Forester wants you to take this before you're released," the woman commented, handing Blaine a small plastic pill cup and a cup full of water. Blaine swallowed it obediently, knowing that he needed the medication. "Good job. We're going to take out the IV completely… I know you're coming back in a couple of days for surgery, but it'll be easier to just start a new line than to have you take care of this one." The woman worked as she spoke, and the line was out of Blaine's arm before he even realized what was going on.

"Dr. Forester said something about some prescriptions…" Ian began.

"Right. They've been called in to the pharmacy next to the hospital, and they should be ready about the time we get the paperwork done and get Blaine signed out of here. The pharmacist should go over the dosing instructions…"

"I'm actually a doctor myself… I know the drill," Ian replied.

"Good… then you already know what to watch out for. If anything happens and he gets worse, bring him back in. And no greasy or fatty foods… anything that upsets his stomach or causes him pain, avoid it for now."

It only took about fifteen minutes for Ian to finish off the paperwork and get Blaine back into his car for the trip back to the house. "I'm going to drop you off, and then I'll go back for the prescriptions," Ian began as he cranked the car.

"I can wait… it'll take what, five minutes?"

"It's too cold, Blaine… I don't want to risk anything happening to you right now, especially not anything that might force them to delay this surgery. I'd rather waste the gas driving back over here than keep you out in this any longer than necessary." Blaine sighed, nodding.

"I'm sorry for fucking up your Christmas plans…" Blaine whispered, staring out the window and biting his thumbnail. He'd gotten out of the habit of biting his nails years before, but sometimes he just couldn't help himself.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, okay? None of the plans we'd made can't be changed… and most of what Jack and I had planned was for you, so that you would have a good Christmas this year for a change…"

"I always find a way to fuck myself out of every good thing that happens to me."

"Hey… don't blame yourself for this…"

"Why shouldn't I blame myself? It's probably something I ate when I ran away… and that's my fault. I'm the one who made those decisions, and I'm the one that fucked things up." Blaine felt the man put a hand on his knee.

"Blaine… there are a lot of things in this world that we have no control over. This is one of them… you could have gotten the parasites years ago without knowing it. These things can be asymptomatic for years. And until something like this happens, you would have no way of knowing you're infected. But you're going to be okay… a few weeks, and the only reminder you'll have will be a couple of scars."

* * *

Blaine was surprised when he opened his eyes to find Jack sitting on the side of his bed with a computer in his lap. "I thought you might like to talk to some friends. Or at least, _one_ friend," Jack commented, putting the laptop on the bed and leaving the room.

"_Blaine?_" Blaine sat up as he realized that Kurt was talking to him via Skype.

"Hey…"

"_Hey._" Blaine couldn't stop himself from biting down on his bottom lip as the other boy spoke. "_Jack said you weren't feeling well… that you might like to talk to a familiar voice for a while…_" Blaine couldn't help smiling, adjusting the pillows on the bed so that he could lay back down.

"It is nice… but it would be nicer if I could see you, too."

"_You can, if you want. I didn't make it a video call because I wasn't sure if you would want me to see you right now… I wasn't sure what's wrong…_" Blaine sighed, even as Kurt called him again with a request for a video chat. Blaine accepted immediately, smiling as soon as Kurt's face came into view. "_You don't have to tell me anything, you know…_"

"I know." Blaine reached up and pushed his hair out of his face. "It's some kind of parasite… I didn't really understand any of the details. They have me on some kind of medication to kill them, but the doctor said there's some kind of blockage…"

"_But you're going to be okay, right? They can fix it…?_" Blaine nodded, smiling.

"Yeah. They can fix it. I'm having surgery on Monday… Ian says it isn't anything to worry about, that they do this kind of thing all the time…"

"_But it's still surgery…_" Blaine nodded, closing his eyes. "_If you're too tired to talk, I can let you go…_"

"No… please, just talk to me. Distract me…" Blaine replied, opening his eyes again. Something was hurting, but Blaine really couldn't figure out what it was or _why_ he was in pain. It seemed as though the pain in his stomach never really went away, just dulled enough to make it bearable.

"_Are you sure you're okay?_" Kurt asked. Blaine could tell from the boy's expression that he was worried, and that was sort of comforting to Blaine. It was proof that someone cared, even though they didn't _have_ to care about him.

"It just hurts. It always hurts." Blaine bit down on his bottom lip, unsure of what to say. "I've missed being able to talk to you… I didn't know we could do this…" Blaine watched as Kurt smiled, shaking his head.

"_I haven't really been home much… I think this is the first time I've been on Skype the entire time I've been home. Finn's been making plans with everyone from my school here, and I'm always included…_"

"Must be nice to have friends at home." Blaine closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I'm sorry…"

"_No… don't worry about it, okay? You're sick, and it's making you irritable. And you're missing your friends from school…_"

"I shouldn't take it out on you, though… you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one ruining people's holidays… even my own holidays."

"_It's not like you can help getting sick, Blaine. You didn't ask for this, and you didn't do anything to make this happen…_" Blaine nodded, biting down on his bottom lip. "_You're going to make your lips crack doing that all the time…_"

"It's better than biting my nails again…" Blaine replied, holding up his hand to show the other boy his thumb. During the car ride he'd managed to completely destroy the nail, biting it to the point that another bite would cause it to bleed. "I tried stopping, but… it's hard. It's really hard to stop once I get started."

"_Blaine…_" Blaine shrugged, burying his face into the pillow. "_I guess Jack was right when he said you have an addictive personality…_" Blaine turned to look at the computer screen again. "_Cheer up, okay? Even being sick doesn't have to ruin your Christmas… you can still have a good holiday, even if you're sick…_"

"Jack and Ian had to cancel all of their plans for the rest of the break… there was supposed to be a nice dinner tomorrow…"

"_Just because their plans are changing, doesn't mean it won't still be a good holiday. I could come back early…_"

"No… no way, Kurt. You aren't going to ruin your Christmas plans just because I'm sick. It's not like you owe me anything, or you're my boyfriend…" Blaine sighed as he realized what he was saying. But he didn't get a chance to take it back.

"_I may not be your boyfriend, but I am the best friend you have… and you shouldn't have to be alone while you're sick or recovering after surgery. You don't have to be alone, unless that's what you want…_" Blaine shook his head.

"That isn't what I want… but I'm not really alone. Jack and Ian are going to be here…"

"_You know what I mean, Blaine._" Blaine shook his head again, smiling slightly at the boy on the computer's screen.

"No… not really. What I know is that you're offering to change all of your plans for your break to be with me. And I'm not going to let you do that… you have other people to visit, other friends you should spend time with…"

"_They don't need me around, Blaine. It's nice to see them all, yeah, but none of them _need_ to see me. They all have each other. When I'm here, it's like I've never been gone. But when I'm gone… when I'm gone, I sort of feel like they forget that I exist. You're one of the few people that actually seems to care whether I'm around or not. And if it would make you feel better for me to be there with you, then I'll come._"

Blaine bit down on his bottom lip. If he was being honest with himself, he wanted Kurt there. He wanted the other boy to come back to Colorado, to just be there to talk and to let Blaine cry on his shoulder because Blaine was honestly terrified of this surgery. But at the same time, Blaine knew that if he said anything Kurt really would come back early.

"We can talk here."

"_Not while you're in the hospital… I doubt they'll allow you to be on the Internet._" Blaine shrugged.

"It's just overnight…"

"_But what if it isn't? What if something goes wrong?_" Blaine smiled, shaking his head.

"You're trying to talk me into asking you to come, so that you won't be the one who makes the decision. But you've already decided what you're going to do. Haven't you?" Blaine asked.

"_My dad already changed the plane ticket._" Blaine watched as the boy smiled, shaking his head. "_I'm not sure if I should be concerned or flattered at how well you know me already_."

"Like you said, you are my best friend."


	28. PostOp

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: This is one of those times when I'm writing just to avoid doing homework, because I'm currently somewhat PO'd at the test I took earlier today. Thankfully the professor's going to throw out some of the questions (they weren't from the assigned readings), but I'm kind of annoyed that all of that reading I did wasn't tested.**

Blaine really hated the feeling of waking up after anesthesia. It had been bad enough the first time – after the surgery on his hand, Blaine had started having a panic attack as he woke up – but this time it somehow seemed even worse. Blaine felt sick to his stomach, like he could throw up at any moment. Blaine couldn't help whimpering as he woke up, from the combination of pain and nausea.

"Blaine?"

"Hurts…" Blaine felt a hand pushing back the curls that had plastered themselves to his forehead from sweat.

"Can we get him something for the pain?" Blaine finally recognized Ian's voice, and he was thankful to know that the man was there with him. Blaine trusted Ian; he was a doctor, and Blaine knew that Ian had his best interests at heart.

"Of course… I just need to go check his chart, see what Dr. Forester has approved for him." Blaine finally managed to force his eyes open as the nurse responded to Ian's question, although Ian seemed distracted by something else.

"His blood pressure shouldn't be that low…" Ian began. Blaine raised an eyebrow, more than a little worried based on Ian's tone of voice.

"He did lose a little more blood than is normal during the surgery… we're keeping a closer eye on him than normal right now because of it, but it doesn't seem to be causing him any adverse effects at the moment."

"I feel sick…" Blaine began.

"I'll get you something for nausea too… and some water to sip on." Blaine nodded slightly, closing his eyes again. He didn't really hear the nurse leave or come back, but the next time he opened his eyes Ian was holding a Styrofoam cup with a lid and straw. He was also surprised to find that while he was still pretty tired, the nausea had subsided and he really wasn't in pain at that moment.

"Feeling better?" Blaine nodded, taking the cup and getting a sip of water.

"How long was I out?"

"Don't worry about it, Blaine… it's just the medications."

"Is everything okay?" Blaine asked. Despite his inability to stay awake for very long, Blaine remembered Ian being concerned about something before he'd fallen asleep again.

"It's fine… your blood pressure's still a little low, but it's getting closer to normal. But it looks like you're going to be in the hospital a little longer than we originally anticipated…"

"Wait… why?" Blaine asked, confused. They'd promised him that he would be out of the hospital the next day, and he really didn't want to be there any longer than was really necessary.

"Things changed… there was more bleeding than they'd anticipated during the surgery, and they had to use a larger incision than planned so they could control it. There are more possible complications now, and they want to keep a closer eye on you for a day or two, until they're sure that you aren't going to have any problems." Blaine closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"I don't want to be here…"

"I know, Blaine. But they're right, you _need_ to be in the hospital. It's pretty serious, what you just went through, and this is for your own good. You're more likely to develop serious complications if you don't take care of yourself properly, and I don't want you to end up being stuck here any longer than necessary…" Blaine just nodded; he knew that Ian wasn't going to sign him out of the hospital until his doctor was convinced that he was okay, and there really wasn't any point in arguing with him on this one.

"When will Kurt be here?"

"Jack's picking him up from the airport right now… he'll come see you tomorrow, after they move you into a regular room and you're allowed to have visitors."

* * *

Blaine was really starting to hate the pain medications that they were giving him; while he didn't really have a choice but to take them, – Blaine couldn't handle the pain without them – Blaine hated the way they knocked him out every time he took a dose.

"There isn't anything else I could take instead? Something that won't make me so tired?"

"Blaine, you need the rest," Ian interrupted without even letting the nurse respond to Blaine's question.

"All I've done is sleep…" Blaine began.

"It's barely been a day since you had surgery… that's normal. Take the pills." Blaine sighed, doing as he was told.

"I would have thought you wouldn't be encouraging me to take painkillers. They _are_ an addictive substance…"

"And a week from now, we'll have a conversation about all of that. But right now priority number one is for you to be comfortable enough that you can get the rest you need to heal. We're all keeping an eye on how much you're taking, and we aren't going to let you get addicted to these pills." Blaine nodded.

"I just don't want to go back to that. I don't like being that person," Blaine replied.

"I know. You just get some rest for now… Jack's going to bring Kurt down here in a little while, and I'm sure you'll want to be awake when he gets here."

It didn't take long for the pain medication's effects to kick in, knocking Blaine out. He wasn't really sure how long he slept; all Blaine knew was that when he woke up, Ian was gone. But Kurt was sitting in his place, curled up in the chair with a book on his knees. Blaine smiled, watching the other boy because he knew that he didn't really get a chance to just observe the other boy very often.

"You're staring." Blaine smiled, trying not to laugh because he was afraid it would hurt.

"You give me something nice to look at," Blaine replied as Kurt marked his page and closed the book. "I've missed you…"

"I've missed you, too. How are you feeling?" Blaine shrugged, letting his eyes close again.

"Kind of shitty… if I don't take the pain pills it hurts like hell, but if I do take them they knock me out. I just want to get back to normal already." Blaine smiled as Kurt took his hand, squeezing it gently.

"It'll just take some time. You do at least feel better than you did before the surgery, don't you?" Blaine shrugged again, closing his eyes.

"I guess… some of the medication makes me feel sick, but I guess that's better than the alternatives," Blaine replied. "They've been giving me medicine to help with that, too. I just sort of feel like I'm being drugged up to avoid problems instead of having someone try to _fix_ whatever's wrong…"

"Maybe there isn't anything else they _can_ give you… I mean, they have to give you whatever works to kill the parasites. And there have to be bad side effects to that stuff. They wouldn't be giving you all that medication if it wasn't helping you or if those weren't normal, manageable side effects." Blaine could feel the other boy starting to play with his hair, and Blaine smiled at the sensation.

"You're going to put me to sleep again if you keep that up…"

"You should sleep, if that's what your body is telling you that you need. You aren't going to heal if you don't get enough rest."

"I know… but you came out here so that we could hang out…" Blaine began.

"I came back early because I thought you could use a friend. Jack called me because he was worried that you were depressed, and he thought that it might help for you to at least hear from some of your friends… I figured it would be good for you if I was here, but if it isn't going to help you I can go home…" Blaine opened his eyes, shaking his head.

"I don't want you to leave… I want you here."

"Then relax, and quit fighting sleep. If you need to sleep, then that's what you should do… I'll be here when you wake up. I'll be here for as long as you need me to be here." Blaine couldn't help smiling at the boy's words.

"Not many people would say that to me… that they'll be here, I mean. I've never really known many people that would care all that much if I was sick or hurt or whatever. My dad lost custody and therefore doesn't care, my mom hasn't made a single attempt to contact me in months…" Blaine shook his head, sighing. "Thank you."

"You don't really have to thank me… I'm here because I want to be, just as much as you want me here. If that wasn't the case, I wouldn't be here right now…"

"It's just nice to know that someone cares for a change. Someone that doesn't _have_ to care." Blaine squeezed the other boy's hand, letting his eyes close. "I'm kind of tired…"

"Then sleep. Even if I'm not here when you wake up, I'll be coming back."

* * *

Kurt had to admit that seeing Blaine stuck in the hospital like this was sort of discouraging. It wasn't that Blaine really seemed that sick – considering the fact that he'd just had surgery, Kurt thought that Blaine looked pretty good. But that didn't change the fact that Blaine was uncomfortable, and it hurt to see him feeling so badly when Kurt couldn't really do anything about it.

It was kind of ridiculous, really, that Kurt felt so strongly about Blaine. The boy really wasn't giving him the kind of encouragement that Kurt was looking for; Blaine obviously _liked_ Kurt, but Kurt didn't think that it was the same kind of feeling that he had for Blaine.

"Everything okay?" Kurt smiled at Jack as he walked into the waiting room down the hall from Blaine's hospital room.

"He's fine… Blaine fell asleep, and I figured I would take the opportunity to get something to eat," Kurt replied.

"Ian's down in the cafeteria getting us some sandwiches… I can call and get him to pick something up for you, too, if you want…"

"Or not…" Kurt turned around as Ian walked back into the room with a plastic bag full of food and a carrier with three drinks in it. "I went ahead and picked out something for you, too, Kurt… how's he doing?"

"Blaine's fine. Sleeping, at the moment," Kurt replied. "He was complaining about the medications making him feel sick…"

"It's normal," Ian replied, passing out the food. "It's not severe and I think most of the nausea is coming from the painkillers, not the other medication he's on. They'll switch painkillers when they release him from the hospital, and that should help."

"And if it doesn't?" Kurt asked.

"We can change the painkillers. If that doesn't work, he can take medicine for the nausea when he needs it."

"You make it sound so simple." Kurt couldn't help but worry that Ian was grossly oversimplifying Blaine's current situation and what they would be able to do about it, mostly because Kurt didn't know much about medicine.

"It isn't simple… but it's a balancing act here. He _has_ to take the medication for the parasites, there's no way around that or he'll end up having even worse problems in the future. But we also have to balance that out with how he feels and that means we may have to put him on more medication, at least temporarily."

"I just wish that there was something more we could do for him… I know he feels like crap, and I hate that there's no way around it."


	29. Feeling Useless

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So I thought this chapter was complete a few days ago, before I remembered that this is the story with longer chapters. So I've been working on it a little bit at a time, mostly between homework assignments (which have gone insane, thanks to summer school ending next week). Enjoy!**

Kurt was really starting to wonder if his early return to Colorado was really doing Blaine any good. So far the boy's recovery from surgery had been mostly uneventful – the worst Kurt had seen was the boy getting sick after the first real meal he'd been given, although no one had really seemed all that concerned about it once Blaine had managed to keep down the next couple of meals. And while Blaine was obviously uncomfortable at times, Kurt didn't even really hear him complaining about how he was feeling.

"I just sort of feel useless…"

"You aren't, Kurt," Jack replied. "Having you here is helping Blaine feel better. And you may not realize it, but you're making things easier on Ian and myself, too… you keep an eye on him when we aren't around, and we know that we don't have to worry because you're with him."

"But I'm in the way…"

"No, Kurt, you aren't… Blaine wants you here, and if it makes him feel better then we're all for it." Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"Sometimes, I feel like the two of you think of Blaine as your son…" Kurt began. He watched as Jack shrugged, starting to play with his coffee mug instead of looking at Kurt.

"You guys pretty much are our family. All of you. Ian and I don't have time to go through the adoption process because of our commitments to the school, at least not right now. But we really do care about every one of you… every guy that goes through Mountainview." Kurt just nodded, trying to understand what Jack was saying.

"But if you want a family… I mean, you could find other jobs…" Kurt began. Jack shook his head.

"No. Maybe Ian could, but I can't. I graduated from Mountainview, Kurt… I was really messed up, into drugs and all of that when I was in high school. That school, those people… they saved me. And that's something I can never repay. The best I can do is try and help save other guys like me…" Kurt just nodded, more than a little shocked by Jack's confession. He'd never though that the man that always seemed to have things together could have once been just like some of the boys in his Group.

"I wish I could sleep as heavily as Blaine right about now… he didn't wake up the entire time I was changing the bandage," Ian commented, walking into the kitchen and grabbing himself a cup of coffee. "So, I have to run a bunch of errands today. I thought I could pick up a movie and something for dinner while I was out, if that sounds good to you two."

"That actually sounds great… I'm going to try and get some cleaning and laundry done today," Jack replied, smiling. Kurt felt a little awkward watching the two men's conversations in their own home.

"I should go get a shower while Blaine's still asleep," Kurt replied. "He's kind of clingy when he's sick…"

"We noticed," Jack commented.

"You can tell him no sometimes, you know… Blaine doesn't need someone with him _all_ the time," Ian replied. Kurt nodded, smiling.

"I know. But… I really like spending time with him. And I think just having someone else around makes him feel better."

"And that's plenty of reason for you to be here right now." Kurt smiled as he went up to the bathroom, hurrying through a shower and getting dressed before peeking in to check on Blaine. Kurt smiled when he saw that Blaine's eyes were open, although the boy didn't really seem to be completely awake just yet. Kurt walked into the room, sitting down on the floor by Blaine's bedside because he wasn't entirely comfortable with sitting on the bed.

"Hey…"

"Hey." Kurt smiled as Blaine responded to him.

"You still look pretty tired. How are you feeling?" Kurt watched as Blaine closed his eyes, shrugging.

"I'm okay. I kind of want to go back to sleep…" Kurt took Blaine's hand and squeezed it. "My stomach hurts…" Kurt stood up quickly.

"I can go get Ian…"

"Can you just help me up? I need to go downstairs to eat anyway, and I can't take the pain pills without food." Kurt nodded, gently pulling the other boy into a seated position and helping him stand up. "Thanks…"

"No problem. Let's go get you something to eat."

* * *

Jack really wasn't looking forward to the first day back after the holidays. He loved his job, of course, and he had a great cabin of guys, but the first day back from a holiday was always full of insanity – checking in with all of the guys as they arrived back on campus, taking care of paperwork that went along with having taken almost three weeks off, and things like that. It was just sort of stressful, especially given the fact that this time around he also had to deal with making sure Blaine was doing okay because the boy was still recovering from his surgery. Not to mention that Jack had arrived to discover that he was getting a new boy in Cabin Six on the very first day back, before classes were even set to start.

"You doing okay?" Ian asked as soon as Jack had walked into the infirmary.

"I'm fine, but Blaine's already crashed out in bed and it hasn't even been two hours yet," Jack replied. "I'm just not sure he's ready to be back yet… I know Kurt's watching out for him, but he's getting exhausted so quickly…"

"We'll see how he's doing tomorrow… I don't want to make him sleep in here if he doesn't have to, because I know how much he hates it." Jack nodded, sighing. "The new guy coming into your cabin… you might want to keep an eye on him. He's really quiet, and I get the feeling that something weird's going on with him." Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Gut feeling, or you know something that isn't in his file?"

"Gut feeling. Something just seems… off…" Jack nodded, knowing that Ian's hunches tended to be pretty accurate. "He's coming in from an emergency foster care placement… there were some problems, Ben got into some trouble, and a judge sent him to us. But I sort of get the feeling that he's still hiding something…"

"I'll keep an eye on him. Any idea when he'll be ready to move into the cabin?"

"He's not on any drugs, so he doesn't have to stay here to detox. You can go ahead and take him out there now, if you want," Ian replied. Jack smiled, leaning in for a quick kiss.

"I'll walk him over. Maybe we'll be able to get out of here a little early this afternoon…"

Jack was sort of surprised at just how small Ben Cruz seemed to be; he'd been told that the boy was nearly sixteen, but he was significantly smaller than Robbie and looked more like a seventh grader than a high school sophomore. The boy looked up quickly as Jack walked into the room, almost as if he was terrified that he would somehow be in trouble. "Ben? I'm Jack… I'm in charge of Cabin Six, where you'll be living while you're here. Ready to go?" The boy nodded quickly, jumping to his feet a little too quickly for Jack's comfort. "Relax, okay? There's no rush today… everyone else is just moving back in from the holidays, so everyone's just getting settled back into the usual routine…"

The boy didn't seem to be in any hurry to talk as they walked towards the cabin, and Jack decided that it was best to just let him be for the moment. They had plenty of time, and Jack was starting to understand what Ian had been saying about something seeming off with the boy. Ben was too small, too thin, too pale… not at all what a sixteen year old boy should be. And Jack really wasn't sure what he needed to do about that.

"Welcome to Cabin Six," Jack commented, opening the door so that the slightly built boy could walk inside and get out of the cold. "Not everyone is back from winter break yet, but these guys can fill you in on how things work around here. That's Robbie over there on the top bunk, which he shouldn't be on since he has a bottom bunk." Jack smiled as Robbie started to scurry down from Liam's bed. "Thank you, Robbie… and clean up whatever prank you were planning for Liam before he gets back. Kurt's the one rearranging his closet, Blaine's asleep on the far bunk, and Scott's around here somewhere…"

"Bathroom. Chuck and Liam aren't back yet," Robbie replied. Jack smiled and nodded at Robbie's comment.

"They should be here before long… they were both going to be on the last bus from the airport today, and it isn't supposed to get here for at least another hour." Jack glanced at Ben, who seemed dazed. "Ben, you'll take the bottom bunk across from Blaine's… you can put your stuff in the closet space next to the bed. There's a fifteen minute limit on showers, bedding and towels are in the closet by the bathroom door. Until you get off reds, you'll stay here when you aren't in a therapy session or classes."

Jack really wasn't sure what to think about the boy, even as he was distracted by Scott leaving the bathroom and asking him a question.

"You guys keep an eye on him, okay? I'm not sure what's going on, but something's not sitting right with me and Ian," Jack whispered to Scott, before he walked over to Blaine's bunk to check on the boy. He smiled when he realized that Blaine had woken up and started reading his book again – the same one he'd been reading on his first day in the cabin. "You doing okay?"

"Kind of tired, and a little sore. But I'm okay," Blaine replied. Jack nodded, smiling. "Please don't tell me that you're making me move into the infirmary again…"

"Not yet. Ian and I talked about it, and we're going to wait and see how you're doing tomorrow. Just don't push yourself too hard, okay? And let us know how you're doing or if you need anything." Blaine nodded, closing his book and glancing up to look at the clock.

"I'm kind of hungry, to be honest…" Jack shook his head, laughing.

"I think you can wait thirty minutes for dinner… just remember you still need to be careful about what you're eating, and that you need to go to the infirmary after dinner for your medicine…"

"I know. Trust me, I'm not going to forget about the medication… I don't want to end up that sick again. And I really don't want to end up in the hospital again."

"Then take care of yourself, okay? I know you want to stay on track with school and everything, but if you need a couple more days then you should take them. You're here to go to school, but our main priority is making sure that you're healthy, too." Jack watched as Blaine nodded.

"Thanks, Jack." Jack smiled, shaking his head.

"You can say thanks when you graduate."


	30. Back to School

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: I think I'm developing a bad habit of finishing off these chapters and then forgetting to write in these author's notes so that I can post them. Thankfully this time I **_**did**_** actually finish the chapter prior to writing the note this time (I had a dumb blonde moment at some point and nearly posted an unfinished chapter!). So yeah, I hope you enjoy… this is what I'm doing to procrastinate finishing the last of my summer school work!**

Blaine jumped in shock as he felt someone put a hand on his shoulder. "If you're not feeling up to being in class, I'd suggest going to see Ian in the infirmary." Blaine shook his head at his history teacher's whispered comment.

"I'll stay awake… sorry." Blaine bit down on his bottom lip as the woman nodded, making her way back to the front of the room to continue her lesson. Blaine did his best to focus on the lesson the woman was teaching, but exhaustion was beginning to get the better of him despite the fact that it was only third period. He really wasn't sure how he was going to survive the rest of the day.

Blaine couldn't help jumping when the bell rang, signaling the end of the class period; he hadn't meant to fall asleep again, but there really wasn't much he seemed to be able to do about it. "Blaine, I need to speak to you before you go." Blaine sighed, grabbing his things and walking up to the teacher's desk. "I can overlook you sleeping in my class today because you've been ill. But I don't want to see you back in here until you're capable of staying awake throughout the entire period… for now I want you to go to the infirmary and get some rest for the remainder of the day."

"Yes, ma'am."

It was awkward for Blaine to be walking away from the classroom buildings in the middle of the day, but he knew that disobeying a teacher's instructions was the fastest way to get privileges taken away, and Blaine was really starting to get used to having at least a little freedom on campus.

"Blaine? Is everything okay?" Blaine shrugged at Katie's questions.

"I fell asleep in class… Miss Harrison sent me here." Blaine closed his eyes again as Katie put a hand on his forehead for a moment. "I feel okay… I'm just tired."

"You seem okay… why don't you go ahead and go lie down? I'll get Ian to come check on you when he gets a minute," Katie replied. Blaine nodded, making his way back into the room he'd slept in on more than one occasion and climbing into the bed. Blaine fell asleep quickly, not that it really surprised him given how easily he'd fallen asleep in class.

"He missed lunch… we can't let him start losing weight…"

"Jack, just relax. We'll get him something to eat as soon as he wakes up," Ian replied. "I'm just glad he isn't overdoing it… Katie said that his teacher sent him to us when he fell asleep in class. He seems to understand that his health is more important than his schoolwork right now."

"I'm just concerned… we got the call from the social worker about court dates, and Blaine needs to be healthy enough to deal with all of that…"

"And he will be, Jack. He needs a little more time… it's normal for recovery to take a little longer with the open surgery, but he's actually doing really well right now. It was probably expecting too much of him to do a full day of school so quickly after surgery… it hasn't even been two full weeks…"

Blaine finally opened his eyes, tired of listening to Jack and Ian talk about him as if he wasn't there. "I can do it… I'm just tired…" Blaine sat up slowly as Jack and Ian turned to look at him.

"Which is precisely why you _shouldn't_ be trying to stay in class all day yet. You need rest… your body is still healing, and it can't work properly unless you take care of your needs. Which means you need to rest. And right now, you need to eat something because you missed lunch," Ian replied.

"I'll go grab something from the kitchen for him," Jack added.

Blaine watched as the man walked out of the room without really saying anything to him. "Jack's mad at me, isn't he?"

"No. Jack's worried about you… he's under a lot of stress right now. Sometimes he just gets like this when he has too much going on – a little short, a little hard to deal with. Don't worry about it, okay? I'll deal with Jack's mood swings, you just worry about taking care of yourself until you're feeling better." Blaine nodded, closing his eyes.

"I don't want to cause him any stress…" Blaine began. He opened his eyes again as Ian sat down on the bed. "It seems like I'm always the one screwing things up for everyone else around here."

"You're not the problem, Blaine. The beginning of the semester is always stressful for everyone around here… and you had no control over when you got sick." Blaine nodded at Ian's words. "Do you need anything other than some food? Are you in pain or anything like that?"

"I'm okay right now… it hurts, but it's manageable."

"After you eat, we'll get you something for the pain," Ian replied.

"I don't need it." Blaine watched as Ian sighed, shaking his head.

"Blaine, I get that you don't want to get addicted to something else, okay? But we're monitoring how much of the medication you're taking, and you've already cut back the dosage more than I'd planned."

"I want to try going without it…"

"That isn't a good idea, Blaine," Ian replied. "You're going to be in a lot of pain later if you don't take the pills, and it will take longer for them to work." Blaine closed his eyes, sighing. "Just trust me on this one, okay? I'm going to do what's best for you."

"I just don't want to risk it."

"I know, Blaine. But I think it's more dangerous for you to let yourself get to the point where you're in that much pain." Blaine nodded as Jack walked back into the room with a plate and a seemingly better mood.

"Thankfully Michelle hadn't finished cleaning everything up from lunch. She reheated this for you, and said to let you know that she hopes you feel better," Jack commented, putting the plate down on the table next to the bed. Blaine closed his eyes as the man started to reach out and touch his hair. "I think we need to get you a haircut… your hair's getting a little out of control." Blaine shrugged.

"I don't mind it. It's kind of nice… not having my dad telling me what I'm supposed to look like all of the time. He'd hate the way my hair looks now." Blaine watched as Jack smiled.

"If you don't want your hair cut, then it's fine. But you should think about what _you_ want, Blaine… not just what you can do now that your father wouldn't have allowed."

"I know… I'll get it cut eventually. I just want to enjoy having long hair, at least for a little while."

"Go ahead and eat. I'll bring you one of the pain pills, so that you can get some more rest," Ian replied. Blaine sighed, starting to eat the chicken and vegetables that had been served for lunch. It wasn't until he actually got some of the food into his stomach that he realized just how hungry he was. He'd been so distracted by the dull pain in his stomach and the conversation with Ian that he hadn't been thinking about the fact that he hadn't eaten since breakfast.

"Slow down… I know you're hungry, but don't make yourself sick." Blaine put down his fork.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you or stress you out or whatever." Blaine watched as Jack shook his head, sighing.

"It isn't anything you did or the fact that you're sick or anything like that. This is a really stressful time of year for me… for everyone around here. Sometimes I just don't deal with the stress very well," Jack replied. "Just eat your lunch, okay? You need to take care of yourself and not get stressed out about my problems." Blaine nodded, doing as he was told.

"Jack… what would happen if something happened between me and Kurt?" Blaine purposely avoided looking at the man, instead focusing on eating his lunch.

"What type of something are we talking about?" Blaine bit down on his bottom lip.

"What if I was falling for him? What if _we_ were falling for each other?"

"I think a lot would depend on how things are going between the two of you. If it was a problem, we'd have to split you two up. But I think we can let it slide, so long as the two of you don't let it become a problem, and you don't get too involved." Blaine smiled.

"I wasn't planning on sleeping with him, if that's what you're hinting at." Blaine smiled as Jack laughed and shook his head.

"That was what I meant, yes."

"I'm not ready for that kind of thing yet," Blaine replied, shaking his head. "I like Kurt a lot, but I don't think I could do anything like that right now. I've had too many bad experiences; I've been hurt too many times. I'm not ready to deal with all of that again."

"Then that's something you need to discuss with Kurt." Blaine nodded, continuing to eat as Ian walked back into the room and handed him a little plastic cup with his medication inside. "Now… you should take that, and then get some more rest. I'll talk to your teachers about getting your makeup work sorted for the next few days."

"I'm going to try and go back to class tomorrow…" Blaine began. He watched as Ian and Jack looked at one another for a moment. "Please… at least part of the day. I'm so sick of lying around doing nothing all day…"

"I think we can at least talk about it. You seem to be okay," Ian replied. "But I think for now it would be best if we limited how long you're in class… you made it three periods today…"

"Two and a half." Blaine glanced over at Jack. "Miss Harrison talked to me about the situation during her free period because she was concerned."

"Okay, so two and a half periods. I don't think you should push it tomorrow… three periods, max. And if you get too tired, you come over here and rest." Blaine nodded, putting down the plastic cup on the table.

"Okay."

"That is dependent on you actually taking your medication… you aren't going to get away with leaving it in the cup over there," Ian replied. Blaine sighed, picking up the cup and swallowing the pills down quickly.

"Happy?"

"I'd be happier if it wasn't so difficult to get you to take the pills." Blaine rolled his eyes. "Just trust me, Blaine."

"Can I at least go back to the cabin, instead of staying here? I should work on my homework…" Blaine began. He bit down on his bottom lip as Jack and Ian exchanged another look, seemingly having a conversation without saying a word before Ian turned back to face him.

"You still need to rest… don't work yourself too hard, okay? I don't want to force you to stay in the infirmary or miss all of your classes, but if you're stressing yourself out I _will_ do what I have to do to protect you – even from yourself." Blaine nodded.

"Okay."

"Go ahead back to the cabin," Jack replied. "I'll come by in a little while and check on you."


	31. After Class

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So I'm still working on this, as well as my other story. It's just been kind of hectic – I've been sick, working my ass off, and I'm pretty sure the A/C in my apartment isn't working right now (seriously, I have it set below 70 and I'm pretty sure my apartment is currently somewhere in the high 70s/low 80s despite the fact that it's 75 outside). But I have every intention of finishing these stories! Enjoy!**

Blaine was a little surprised when he felt someone putting a hand on his back. "That can't be comfortable…" Blaine smiled as he straightened up, wincing at the twinge of pain in his stomach.

"I guess I was more tired than I thought," Blaine replied as Kurt sat down on the next chair. "Class is over?"

"Yeah… you should go lay down, get some rest. We don't have Group today, and you look like you could use it," Kurt commented. Blaine shrugged, letting his eyes close again as he sat there.

"I just have so much I need to do…"

"You need to take care of yourself first. I don't want you to make yourself sick." Blaine couldn't help smiling at the tone of concern in Kurt's voice. "At least lay down for a little while… you look kind of pale."

"I haven't really been out in the sun in a while…"

"I mean that you look like you aren't doing very well." Blaine opened his eyes, sighing and shaking his head.

"Maybe I should go to sleep for a while… I just wish that I didn't feel so tired all the time. I'm sick of being sick…" Blaine replied. He glanced up at the door as he heard it open, smiling as the new boy walked in and made a beeline for his own bunk. "I guess I'll follow his lead and go take a nap."

Blaine was halfway across the room when he realized that something wasn't quite right with their newest roommate. The boy had collapsed across his bunk and started shaking, almost as if he was crying or something. Blaine raised an eyebrow, walking over to the boy and leaning down to put his hand on Ben's shoulder.

"Ben?" The boy didn't respond, and Blaine's first reaction was to shake his shoulder. "Hey… c'mon, it's okay, whatever it is…"

"Go. Away." Blaine raised an eyebrow, stepping back. It was the first thing Blaine had heard the boy say in the three days Ben had been there, and Blaine didn't want to risk upsetting the boy. He didn't look dangerous or anything like that, but Blaine had a feeling that Ben wasn't playing around with him. Blaine glanced over at Kurt as he walked towards his own bed, not at all surprised that Kurt seemed just as confused by Ben's behavior as Blaine was.

Blaine sat down on his bed, raising an eyebrow as Kurt walked over and sat down next to him.

"What was that about?" the boy whispered. Blaine shrugged, avoiding looking at Ben.

"I don't know… I'm not pushing it. I don't have the energy to deal with whatever's going on in his head right now," Blaine replied, leaning back against his pillow. He closed his eyes, sighing.

"I should let you sleep. I have homework to do, anyway," Kurt commented, getting up and walking back towards the common area. Blaine closed his eyes, curling up on his bed in an attempt to go back to sleep until Ian came to check on him. Blaine didn't feel completely comfortable falling asleep not knowing what was going on with his new roommate, but at the same time he really couldn't keep his eyes open for much longer.

Blaine couldn't help groaning as someone started to shake him awake. "Do I really have to wake up?"

"It's nearly dinnertime and you've been asleep every time I've come to check on you," Ian commented. Blaine forced his eyes open, sighing as he glanced at the nearest clock and realized that the man was right. "You feeling okay?"

"I'm just tired," Blaine replied, shrugging and sitting up slowly. "I think I just wore myself out trying to do too much today. I haven't really done much of anything since Christmas Eve."

"I know. It hasn't even been two weeks, so I think you need to keep taking it easy. You can try going to class tomorrow afternoon, but if it's still too much I think it might be best to take a day or two to get some more rest…"

"Ian…"

"No arguments, Blaine. You've been really sick, and it's only going to take longer for you to get well if you aren't taking care of yourself properly," Ian replied.

"I need to be in class, doing my work… I can't stay here forever," Blaine commented.

"We can make arrangements so that you can at least get some of your work to do while you're missing classes. But you're getting way too far ahead of yourself right now… you're here to get an education and turn things around, but we don't expect you to be a superhero." Blaine nodded. "You'll get the work done, and you'll get your equivalency. You're a smart kid. We're talking about a few days here… you'll be caught up and back on track in no time."

"It's not easy thinking that way… all I can see is that I'm so far behind where I should be right now…"

"And you can't think like that. You can't be comparing yourself to Chuck or Scott or Liam or anyone else here… everyone's got a different story. Everyone's got a different reason for being at Mountainview, and everyone's got to follow a different path to get themselves back on track."

"He's right… you may be behind on the school side of things, but at least you were willing to let people help you when you got here," Kurt commented, leaning up against the side of the bed. "You're doing better as far as dealing with your problems than I am. And that's a lot harder than the school stuff." Blaine smiled as the other boy put a hand on his shoulder for a moment.

"You boys should go to dinner… if you feel up to it, you can work on some homework afterwards, but I don't want you to wear yourself out again. Just take it easy. Trust me, you'll get better faster if you just let yourself rest and relax until you're actually feeling up to getting back to the normal routine of things around here."

Blaine got up, putting on his shoes and starting to get ready to leave for the cafeteria. "Is Ben still here?"

"He hasn't left his bed since he got back from class this afternoon," Kurt replied, shaking his head. "I don't know what happened, but he hasn't said a word or even moved." Blaine glanced over at the bed, realizing that Kurt was right – Ben was still lying across the bed in the exact same position he'd been in a few hours earlier.

"What happened?" Ian asked. Blaine and Kurt both shrugged.

"He just seemed pissed off… Blaine tried to make sure he was okay, and he just shut it down without telling us anything," Kurt replied. Blaine tried not to seem nosy as Ian walked over to the new boy and seemed to be trying to talk to him – rather unsuccessfully. Blaine wasn't all that surprised that Ben seemed to be ignoring all of Ian's attempts to talk to him, even as Ian looked up at him and gave him a look that Blaine was pretty sure meant he and Kurt should leave.

The two boys were barely out the door before Blaine reached out and took Kurt's hand as they walked.

"Is something wrong?" Blaine shook his head, smiling slightly.

"Is it really so weird that I would want to hold your hand?" Blaine glanced at Kurt, not really sure how the other boy would respond to his question.

"You've spent the past few months doing everything you could to avoid human contact… but since you got sick, suddenly you seem not to mind so much…" Blaine shrugged, sticking his free hand in his pocket as they walked towards the main building for dinner.

"Maybe I'm just starting to realize that I can't keep shutting myself off from everyone else, even though I've been hurt before," Blaine replied. He didn't let go of Kurt's hand until they got into the cafeteria and had to get their trays for their food.

By the time Kurt and Blaine sat down at the table with the other members of their group, it was sort of impossible to ignore the looks everyone gave them. "Just go ahead and say it… I know you all want to…" Blaine began as he put his tray down.

"We weren't going to say anything…" Scott began.

"But it is kind of weird to see you two like that… holding hands. We didn't think you two would ever get it together," Robbie added. Blaine raised an eyebrow.

"We all knew there was something going on between the two of you… but we didn't think you'd ever get it together, to be honest." Blaine shook his head at Liam's words.

"You _all_ thought we were that hopeless? Seriously?"

"Not hopeless… more like oblivious."

"It wasn't that we didn't _want_ the two of you to get your shit together," Robbie commented. "We just didn't think you'd really do it… you were both so messed up, we didn't think you'd figure it out before it was too late…"

"Too late?" Kurt asked.

"Well, yeah… I mean, you're graduating in June, right?" Chuck commented. "You aren't going to be around that much longer, and the long-distance thing is hard. Really hard." Blaine couldn't help looking in Kurt's direction at Chuck's commentary about how hard it would be for the two of them to have a relationship come summer.

"Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourselves? We never said that we were together," Kurt replied.

"You were holding hands when you walked in here… that's something," Liam commented.

"Or at least it's more than either of you would have done back before Christmas break… which leads all of us to think that something happened between the two of you that we don't know about yet," Scott added.

"Nothing happened…" Blaine began.

"We know that Kurt came back early because you were sick… you can't seriously expect us to believe that _nothing_ went on between the two of you over the break, especially now that we've seen you holding hands. You had to have at least talked about something…"

"Whatever happened, it isn't anyone's business but our own," Kurt replied. "If there was anything you needed to know, we would tell you, okay? So let's just drop it."

"Wait… where's Ben?"

"He was pissed off about something after class… Ian's talking to him in the cabin, but I guess he'll be here soon," Blaine replied. He glanced up as he heard a siren outside the building, but didn't think anything of it until one of the staff members shut the doors to the cafeteria. "What's going on?"

"Lockdown? In the middle of dinner?" Blaine could see the confusion starting to spread around the room, although no one seemed to know what it all meant.

"That can't be good…" Scott commented.

"What's going on? Why would we be on lockdown?" Kurt asked. Scott and Liam glanced at each other for a moment before they shrugged.

"Usually, it's because of seriously bad weather or someone being picked up by an ambulance," Liam replied.

"It almost never happens… seriously, we've been on lockdown maybe twice since I got here two years ago, and one of those was a suicide attempt…" Scott added. Blaine glanced at Kurt, suddenly worried.

"Ben…"

"What if that's why he wouldn't talk?" Kurt asked.

"But they wouldn't have let him get anything into the school…" Blaine replied.

"Wait… you two think Ben might…?" Robbie began.

"He was acting weird. Wouldn't talk when I tried to figure out what was wrong… he just told me to get away from him…" Blaine shook his head, sighing. "I should have known something was wrong…"

"How were you supposed to know? He's barely said two words since he got here yesterday," Liam replied.

"Besides, we don't even know it was him… Sebastian isn't at his cabin's table, either…" Chuck began.

"Sebastian's an asshole, but he wouldn't kill himself," Scott replied. "I don't think he would even have faked an attempt… he's too full of himself."

"But we won't know until they tell us something… and Ian was with Ben, so if anything's going on at least he's in good hands."


	32. Lockdown

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: I know it's short. But it's 6 AM, and I'm kinda tired and hungry and really just want to get this one posted. So yeah… I hope you enjoy!**

It had been nearly an hour, and no one had said anything to anyone about what was going on outside of the cafeteria. "This is getting ridiculous… normally they would at least _say_ something to us about what's going on…" Liam began as the rest of the table sat there staring at one another. Dinner was over, and all of the dishes had already been taken away for one of the other cabins to deal with. Everyone in the room was getting restless – they all had homework to do, but they were stuck waiting until someone from the staff told them that they were allowed to leave. The only thing that had changed so far was that Sebastian had finally shown up for dinner, being led by the counselor from his new cabin.

"They really should be telling us _something_… this is getting ridiculous," Scott added. Blaine watched as the boy stood up and started pacing towards the doors.

"This is so _boring_." Blaine could see that Robbie was about to start bouncing off the walls when the doors finally opened and all of the group leaders and other staff members started filing into the room and walking over to their respective tables. Everyone else started to file out, but Jack just stood waiting at one end of the table.

"Jack… what's going on?" Scott asked as the rest of the room finally cleared.

"Ben's been taken to the hospital… he attempted suicide. We don't know where he got the pills. The cabins have all been searched," Jack replied, sighing. "You guys were the only ones that didn't have any contraband at all, so I don't have to ask you to come forward if you had anything. But if you know where Ben might have gotten it, I need you to tell me."

"What did he take?" Blaine asked, without even really thinking about it.

"We don't know. He wasn't totally coherent, and all we could get him to say was that he'd taken some pills."

"He was in there like that for hours…" Kurt began.

"Ben didn't take enough of whatever it was to actually kill himself… just to make himself really sick. But we don't know if he stopped when he did because he didn't really want to die, or because he ran out of pills before he could finish what he started."

"So what do we do now?"

"You boys are going back to the cabin, unless any of you feel like you need to talk about what's going on. In that case, you can go to see your therapist," Jack explained. Blaine stood up slowly as the rest of the group started towards the door. "Blaine, don't forget you need to go to the infirmary and get your medication…"

"Ben's going to be okay, right?"

"I don't know. It'll depend on what he took, and how much damage it caused before Ian found him and got him to the hospital. We don't have enough details about what happened to even know what's going on with him, at least not until we hear something back from Ian." Blaine nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Just go take your meds, okay? We'll talk about what happened in Group tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be able to give you all some idea of how this happened…"

Blaine just nodded, before he walked off to take his medication and then return to the cabin to do some more schoolwork before lights out. It didn't take all that long, despite the nurse that seemed to think it was necessary to interrogate him about his medication and whether or not he was actually taking the pills, and before long he was walking back into the middle of a conversation already in progress.

"… Blaine wouldn't have done that… just ask him." Blaine raised an eyebrow at Kurt's words, wondering what everyone else seemed to think he'd done.

"What's going on?" Blaine asked.

"Someone suggested that you might be hoarding your painkillers instead of actually taking them," Kurt replied. "I told them there was no way, but I think they might be more likely to believe it if it's coming from you." Blaine shook his head, concerned that anyone would believe he might do something like that.

"No… I've been taking all of them. And even if that weren't true, I would have flushed them or something," Blaine replied, walking over to sit down on his bed. "Why would any of you think that?"

"Jack said he overdosed on pills… if he found something here in the cabin, it would have to have been either you or Robbie," Chuck replied.

"That's not true," Kurt replied. Blaine watched the way everyone in the room turned to look at him. "I've been on Prozac almost since I got here. But just like Blaine and Robbie, I've been taking my meds."

"Guys, we don't even know _what_ he took… we can't lay blame on anyone here, and it's not our place to _do_ anything about it. Jack will deal with it when he finds out what happened, and until then we should just do our homework and try not to think about what happened," Liam replied. Blaine was thankful that someone was being reasonable.

"I agree with Liam. We don't know how Ben got whatever he took… for all we know, he could have managed to sneak it in somehow or he could have lied when he said it was pills. Until we know for sure that he found something in the cabin, we shouldn't be trying to blame each other for what _Ben_ chose to do to himself," Kurt replied. Blaine nodded in agreement before he pulled out the book he was supposed to be working on for his English class to do exactly what Kurt had suggested. The older boy walked over and sat down on the end of Blaine's bed with his own homework, even though they were working on completely different assignments.

"Do you really think someone was hiding something here in the cabin?" Kurt asked. Blaine looked up from his book, shrugging his shoulders.

"It's possible, I guess… but I don't see how they would have missed something like that so many times. They check the cabins every once in a while during classes, and they've never said anything to any of us…" Blaine watched as Kurt nodded, still looking at least a little concerned about the whole situation. "Why… do you think maybe it was something someone who used to live here left behind?"

"It's possible," Kurt shrugged.

"Then how did Ben find whatever it was when Jack's never managed to find it?"

"I don't know. I just know that this is really weird, and stuff like this isn't supposed to be able to happen here… there's a reason they check everyone's bags so thoroughly when they get here, and they know all the tricks for hiding things." Blaine closed his book, biting down on his bottom lip.

"Is it weird that the part I'm most worried about is _why_ he did it?" Blaine asked. "I mean, I can understand feeling like you just want to end it all… I've been there. But I want to know what happened to him that made him feel that way."

"I don't know. I guess I'm more concerned with the how than the why because I'm afraid that I might do the same thing if I was given the chance," Kurt replied.

"You wouldn't."

"Blaine, I still think that way every day. Even with the medication, I still feel like I'm not worth all of the drama I'm causing for everyone around me. I can't say for sure that I wouldn't be tempted, or that I wouldn't go ahead and do it if I found an opportunity."

"You had plenty of opportunities over Christmas break, but you didn't do it," Blaine reminded him. "You didn't have anything to keep you from doing it then…"

"I had friends to think about," Kurt replied. "Being here… you guys are my friends. I actually feel like you all _care_ about me, at least now that you're all getting to know me and I'm talking. Thinking about how it would affect the people I care about is pretty much the only thing that's stopping me…" Blaine nodded, playing with the damaged edge of his book's cover for a moment.

"But it's not enough to make you feel worth it?" Blaine was trying to understand, but it was hard for him to process Kurt's thought process because it was different from his own.

"I cause problems. My dad and stepmother are sacrificing everything for me to stay here because they didn't know what else they could do for me. My show choir ended up being disqualified from competing last year because I couldn't bring myself to keep acting like nothing was wrong. Even then, no one cared about anything other than how I was affecting _them_ and what _they_ wanted. A lot of them stopped trying to talk to me completely after they were disqualified at Sectionals. Which just made it easier to pull away from everyone I knew and to get even more depressed."

"You still didn't do that, though…" Blaine began.

"I was _too_ depressed to attempt suicide. I hit rock bottom and got stuck there for a long, long time… when you're there, you don't even have the energy to try something like that. It scared the hell out of my dad, because I couldn't even make myself get out of bed and pretend that I was a semi-functioning human being. Or at least just be there physically." Blaine shook his head.

"I don't really understand… I've never been that far gone before. Or at least not for long."

"I hope you _never_ have to understand what that's like."


	33. Truths

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: Not really sure what to say here, other than to apologize that updates are going to be much more infrequent in the coming months – I'm in the hardest semester of my master's program, and I'm working two jobs at the moment. So I'm pretty much just stealing moments here and there when I can't stop my muse from freaking out on me if I don't commit the ideas to paper (or in this case, a Word document). So yeah, I hope you enjoy!**

Things had been kind of tense in the cabin since Ben's apparent suicide attempt, and it was starting to really stress Blaine out.

"I don't think I can handle much more of this… we've all been so on edge since Ben went to the hospital, and it feels like everyone's trying to find someone to blame for what Ben did. But the only person who _did_ anything was Ben… last night they asked me if I'd been hoarding my meds, even though you had checked our cabin and said you didn't find anything. And I wasn't doing that, but it still feels like people are blaming this on me," Blaine replied cutting the man off. "I don't _like_ the medication, but I'm not stupid enough to do something like that and put everyone else at risk." Blaine shoved his hands into the pocket of his hoodie, not making eye contact with anyone else in the room. "I've done a lot of stupid things in the past. I know that, and I'm willing to admit it. But that doesn't mean I'm an idiot!"

"No one thinks you're an idiot, Blaine. But you're the only one on any kind of medication in the cabin right now… we _had_ to ask," Scott replied. Blaine shook his head.

"No, you didn't… that's not your job. Jack and Ian and the rest of the staff are the ones I'm supposed to answer to, and they're the only people that should be asking questions."

"Okay, guys… we're not going to argue about this," Jack commented. Blaine looked up at the man. "Now listen to me – we know that none of you had anything to do with what happened to Ben. There weren't any drugs in Ben's system and he didn't attempt suicide…"

"What are you talking about?" Chuck asked. Everyone was looking at the man, who sighed.

"Ben had several seizures yesterday afternoon… he's epileptic, and he hasn't been medicated for a long time…"

"But… isn't that dangerous?" Liam asked.

"It's _very_ dangerous. Ben's going to be in the hospital for a while, trying to get his seizures under control… he was really lucky this time. Sometimes seizures won't stop, and that can cause brain damage or death." Blaine felt as though his stomach was sinking towards his feet at Jack explained to them what had happened to the other boy. Somehow, the stress and anger he had been feeling because of the accusations seemed to be unimportant compared to what had really been going on.

"Is he going to come back?" Blaine looked up again at Robbie's question.

"We don't know yet," Jack replied. "Ben's here under a court order, but we aren't sure at this point if we'll be able to let him come back. There are a lot of things we have to sit down and figure out before that decision is made, mostly about whether or not letting Ben come back here is going to be in his best interests…"

"Where else would he go?" Blaine asked. Jack shook his head.

"We don't know." Blaine bit down on his bottom lip for a moment.

"Even with everything that's happened, this is the best one of these places I've been. It's the only place I haven't run away from, and it's the only place I've ever felt like people actually _care_ about me. Isn't that what Ben really needs? People who care about him?" Blaine sort of felt uncomfortable with the way everyone was looking at him, at least until he realized that some of the other people in the room were nodding in agreement.

"You make a good point, but there are a lot of things that go into this decision. We have a responsibility to make sure that Ben is in a safe environment and if we can't provide that for him we don't have a choice but to ask the court to place him somewhere else," Jack explained. Blaine nodded.

"But you won't have any say in what happens to him, will you?"

"No. If we can't help him here, it's up to the courts to figure out what's in his best interests." Blaine nodded slowly. "This bothers you, doesn't it?"

"It just seems like giving up… and you told me from the beginning that you never gave up on anyone," Blaine admitted. He didn't want to look at Jack as he spoke, knowing that the others probably wouldn't understand what he meant. The idea of the staff at Mountainview giving up on anyone scared Blaine, because he didn't want them to give up on him. "I've been sick… it could have been me you were sending away because it wasn't safe for me to stay here."

"But do you see how the situation is different?" Jack asked. Blaine shrugged. "You'll get better and come off all of your medication, but Ben will most likely always be epileptic – meaning he will always be on some kind of medication, and we don't know if they will be able to get his seizures under control."

"I just… I want to know that he's going to be somewhere safe. Somewhere people are actually going to care about him, the way you all do," Blaine admitted.

"I promise you we're going to do everything we can for him, Blaine. But we can only do so much." Blaine nodded as Jack spoke. "I think we've probably done enough for the day. My door's open if any of you feel the need to talk about what's been going on."

Everyone got up and started filing out of the room, but Blaine stayed where he was for a moment. "Blaine?" Kurt's voice snapped him out of his thoughts about the entire situation. "Come on… I'm sure you've got a lot of work to catch up on." Blaine shook his head.

"I'll be there in a little while… I don't have that much to do." Blaine shoved his hands into his pockets as the rest of the group filed out of the room, leaving him alone with Jack.

"You're still having trouble understanding, aren't you?" Jack asked. Blaine nodded. "We don't want to give up on anyone, ever. We're dealing with his caseworker and a court-appointed guardian to figure out what is going to be in Ben's best interests, the same way we've been dealing with your social worker."

"But if there's nothing else out there…"

"Blaine, there are a lot of other programs and schools out there. What we do is just one way of helping kids deal with their problems… we aren't the only people who want to help, and what we do doesn't work for everyone. And safety is one of our biggest priorities." Blaine nodded, looking down at the ground. "You're still here because your medical conditions don't pose a threat to your safety just by being here. If Ben were to go on a hike and have a seizure in the middle of the woods, it could become a life-threatening situation very quickly." Blaine looked up as Jack put a hand on his shoulder. "I know it's hard to understand, but it's going to all work out in Ben's best interests. That's what we're always going to try and do, for everyone that comes through our school."

"This is the only place I've ever been where I've actually felt like anyone cared…" Blaine watched as the man shook his head.

"And I'm sorry that your father put you into that position… you've been through hell because you were sent to programs that were more concerned with pushing an agenda than actually helping you deal with the problems in your life. But I promise you, not every other school is like that. There are a lot of really good programs out there, and there are a lot of people that are going to look out for Ben no matter what happens." Blaine nodded. He was trying to understand, but it was difficult for him to really get what Jack was saying when it was so far removed from his own experiences. "Can I ask why you're so concerned about what's going to happen to Ben?"

Blaine shrugged before he answered. "That could have been me. If it had been something more serious when I got sick, you would have sent me somewhere else. This is the only one of these schools I've ever been comfortable at… it's the only place I've ever felt at home. And I don't want to lose that…" Blaine could see that what he'd said concerned Jack.

"I can see why you're struggling with this situation, but you need to understand that everyone here on the staff is going to do what's best for you and everyone else here. We want to keep you here if this is where you really want to be, but at the same time we have to make sure that this is the right place for you. As long as that's the case, we'll find ways for you to stay here until you're finished with school."

"And when I'm done with school? What happens then?" Blaine asked. That was something he hadn't really asked about before.

"That's something we'll have to talk about closer to time… we still have a while to help you figure out what you're going to do. You have a lot of class work and a lot of studying to do before you're ready to take the GED test. We have time to figure everything out." Blaine nodded as Jack put a hand on his shoulder and started walking towards the door with him. "You should go get some rest and work on your schoolwork. Just think about what we've been talking about, okay? If it's still bothering you in a day or two, talk to Lisa about it."

"Okay." Blaine nodded, starting back towards his cabin. He wasn't all that surprised to find Kurt just outside the building to wait for him.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked, taking Blaine's hand as they both walked towards the cabin. That was one of the few things Blaine had gotten used to doing with Kurt in public.

"I just needed to talk to Jack. I think I'm starting to understand, but it's kind of hard to separate Ben's situation from what's happened with me… I could have been sent away when I got sick. That could have been me, just a couple of weeks ago."

"Well thankfully that wasn't the case…" Blaine smiled as Kurt squeezed his hand. "Have you been to the infirmary for your pain medication lately?"

"I'm not due for any more medication until after dinner… closer to time for lights out." Blaine stopped walking, squeezing Kurt's hand. "Do you think I'm taking all of this too hard? Am I overthinking all of this?"

"I don't think so… I mean, you have a right to feel the way you do about all of this. Just don't let it cause you to do something stupid or take over your life or something." Blaine nodded, turning and leaning in to press a quick kiss on Kurt's lips without really thinking about what he was doing.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have done that…" Blaine started to turn away and run towards the cabin, until he felt Kurt grabbing his wrist.

"It's okay, Blaine. I'm okay with you kissing me – I _want_ you to kiss me when you're comfortable with the idea," Kurt commented. Blaine watched the other boy's body language, not sure if he was really convinced that Kurt was telling him the truth. "Honestly… I'm okay with what just happened here."

"But what I did… it's too much like what that guy did to you…" Blaine began.

"But unlike Karofsky, you've never done anything to hurt me. And I actually really like you, remember? The way I feel about you hasn't changed." Blaine felt Kurt squeezing his hand again, pulling him a bit closer. "I'm okay with affection, at least with people I trust. And I trust you." Blaine smiled as Kurt leaned in, pressing a kiss against his cheek.

"I really like you, too. A lot more than I thought I would be capable of. But at the same time, I'm afraid that I might hurt you if I get too close. I feel like all I ever really do is hurt the people I care about."

"You don't hurt me. You've never hurt me."

"But I could. I'll always be capable of doing that, as long as there are feeling involved."

"When would feelings _not_ be involved? It's the only reason we've been close… the only reason I'm still alive, because you wouldn't have come looking for me that day if you didn't care on some level." Blaine glanced into the other boy's eyes. "I'm a big boy, Blaine. And I'm stronger than you might think."


	34. Blaine's Journal 5

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So I just got back from Dragon*Con and I MET JOHN BARROWMAN. And Kai Owen and Sylvester McCoy. It was amazing.**

January 16th, 2012

Things are getting… weird. It's not a bad thing, really. It's more of me trying to wrap my head around what everything that's been going on lately _means_.

I kissed Kurt. I've kissed him a lot of times, actually. And it's been nice, in that weird way that I really can't explain. And I have to admit, I want to keep doing it over and over again.

I'm not going to pretend that I'm in love with him or anything like that. I don't think I really understand what love is, other than knowing that it isn't something to be taken lightly. So I can't just say that I love him, when I really don't know what that means.

It's not like I don't _like_ Kurt. I mean, I _really_ like him. But I don't know if that's what love is or not… and I don't want to say that I love him and then not be able to follow through with what that means. I don't want a physical relationship. And neither of us really needs that kind of pressure, on top of everything else we have going on in our lives. I also don't want to do something that would hurt him… and I'm afraid that's all I'd be doing by saying those words when I don't even really understand what that's supposed to mean.

I sort of feel like I need to talk through that with Kurt, but I'm afraid to bring it up and put a label on what's going on between the two of us. Mostly I'm afraid of the pressure that would put on me to say that I love Kurt when I'm not ready for that kind of thing. I know that labels are supposed to make things easier, but I just find it all so confusing. And I don't know what it would mean if we got together, at least as far as the school's concerned. I mean, a lot of people wouldn't be comfortable with the idea of… whatever we are. They definitely wouldn't be okay with the fact that we've been kissing one another. And no matter how much Jack may assure us that it isn't a big deal, as long as we don't make other people uncomfortable, I can't help but worry that this isn't going to end well.

I don't want anything to happen to my friendship with Kurt, or anything around here. I like it here, in Cabin Six… I like the rest of the guys in the group. And I don't want one of us to have to leave, because I know Kurt feels the same way about these guys. It wouldn't be fair to ask him to leave the cabin, and I would hate to have to go away.

Sometimes I just wonder if it wouldn't be easier if I just stopped myself from getting involved with Kurt, but I don't see how that's possible at this point. I think we've gotten too involved to just stop at this point… I don't _want_ to stop kissing Kurt. It's comfortable and exciting and…

And I think I might be falling in love with Kurt.


	35. Worthless

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: I'm honestly not having a lot of time to write at the moment. And with about five other ideas floating around my head right now, it's REALLY difficult for me to keep focused on anything long enough to write a decent chapter. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy!**

Kurt still found it strange that he was allowed to touch Blaine, to hold his hands and play with his hair. Some things were off-limits – neither boy was comfortable with things getting too carried away, and they were really still trying to figure out what was acceptable in their relationship. But they still felt comfortable enough with one another that they could be more open about things, and it was a nice change from wanting to do those things and being too afraid to push it. So it wasn't at all unusual for Kurt to find himself holding hands with Blaine as they did their homework.

"I honestly don't understand what you see in me…" Kurt raised an eyebrow, turning slightly so that he was facing the other boy as they sat on the couch in their cabin. There was something about Blaine's tone that worried him.

"What do you mean?" Kurt watched as Blaine bit down on his bottom lip without looking up from the book he'd been reading. Kurt reached out and put a hand on Blaine's arm. "I can't explain if I don't understand what you mean."

"I mean I'm kind of a disaster. And I don't really understand why you would be willing to put up with all of it, when I don't know if I'll ever be ready to have a real relationship with anyone. Like, with sex and sharing a bed and all of that." Kurt couldn't help scoffing slightly at the awkwardness of Blaine's words. "It isn't funny."

"I know it isn't funny," Kurt replied. "I just don't see what the issue is… I'm not exactly in a position where I care about those things, anyway. I care about the fact that you make me happy. That's enough for me right now. All of that other stuff… we can worry about it later. I don't really care about sex. I'm happy just being able to hold your hand and kiss you and know that you're going to be around."

"But what happens when that isn't enough anymore?" Kurt shrugged, reaching up and fixing Blaine's curls.

"I don't know."

"Then why are you still interested?" Blaine asked.

"Because I like you. Because I'm really not sure that it matters all that much. Because at least this way, I get to have you for a little while. As a friend, or a boyfriend, or whatever you want to call me," Kurt replied. The other boy pulled away, curling in on himself in such a way that Kurt worried he'd said something wrong. Kurt reached out and put his hand on Blaine's shoulder, confused. "Talk to me… tell me what I'm doing or saying that's wrong. Because the last thing I want to do is push you away somehow."

"You aren't doing anything wrong. I just… I can't bring myself to understand why you would be willing to be with me." Kurt moved closer to Blaine, putting his arm around the other boy and gently trying to rub his back. "I… I don't want to talk about it any more. I don't want to upset you…"

"You aren't upsetting me," Kurt commented, leaning in and pressing a kiss against Blaine's forehead in an attempt to reassure him. "I'm worried about you. You've been so quiet lately. And so distant. Like you're physically here, but I have no idea where your head is."

"I feel like I'm lost. Like I really don't understand what's going on around me, but I have to keep pretending that everything is okay. Being sick, I've had so much time to think about everything. Everything I've been through. And I can't help feeling like I'm falling apart, like I can't keep going on like this any more. And it's so exhausting, trying to pretend that I'm okay when I know that I'm not. It's almost as bad as being sick."

"You're thinking about your dad?" Kurt was surprised when Blaine shook his head.

"I'm thinking about Dan."

"Who is that?" Kurt asked. He reached out and put his hand back on Blaine's shoulder, before the other boy pulled away. "He hurt you…"

"I always thought he was a victim, as much as I was. I thought his friends had turned on him. But I was wrong… I was so, so wrong. And now that I know the truth, I can't help feeling like my whole life is a lie. Like everything I thought about who I used to be was wrong. And I really can't deal with all of this anymore. It's too much… there's too much pressure." Kurt stood up, reaching out and trying to pull Blaine to his feet.

"Come on… we're going to talk to Jack. He needs to know what's going on…" Kurt couldn't understand why Blaine shook his head.

"No…"

"Seriously. You need to talk to someone that knows how to handle all of this. I'm not the person you should be talking to about this… I don't know how to help you."

"I'm afraid to talk about it. I'm afraid they'll send me away if I say anything… they still haven't said if Ben is coming back or not, and I'm so afraid that I might not be allowed to stay."

"But they can deal with depression. They know how to deal with that. It's different for Ben – dealing with a serious physical illness is completely different."

"But is it really that different? Really? They're still going to think I'm a danger to myself or something like that…"

"It's different enough," Kurt replied, doing his best to pull Blaine up on his feet. "Please, just come talk to someone. Jack or Lisa… anyone. Just please come talk. You need to ask for help…"

"I just don't see that it would do any good…" Blaine began. Kurt shook his head, refusing to give up on the matter.

"It's not going to do you any good if you refuse to let anyone help you," he replied. Kurt finally managed to pull Blaine to his feet, wrapping an arm around the younger boy's waist. "I just don't want to lose you… especially not because of something that can be changed. I don't want you to wait too long to ask for help when you clearly need it." Kurt was honestly a little surprised when Blaine leaned against him, letting his head rest on Kurt's shoulder and putting his own arms around Kurt's waist.

"I'm afraid…"

"There's nothing to be afraid of." Kurt pressed a kiss against Blaine's temple in an attempt to reassure him. "I could stay with you, if you think it would help…"

"I don't ever want you to have to deal with the kinds of things going on in my head right now… I'm not sure if I could ever tell you everything that's bothering me right now. I wouldn't want to put you through that…"

"I can take it," Kurt replied. He watched as Blaine shook his head, closing his eyes and pulling away from Kurt.

"You shouldn't have to. _No one_ should have to… what happened to me was something that shouldn't happen. To anyone. Ever. And it's so fucking unfair…"

"A lot of your life has been unfair, Blaine… but it has to get better from here, right?"

**LINE**

Kurt was getting really worried. It had been hours since he'd walked up to Lisa's office with Blaine, and he hadn't been back since. But he also hadn't seen Jack coming into the cabin to say anything about Blaine's situation. "I'm sure it's fine… if something was seriously wrong with Blaine, Jack would have come to tell us something by now." Kurt looked up at Liam's words, shaking his head.

"I just get the feeling that something is wrong. It doesn't seem right…" Kurt replied. He looked up as the door opened and Jack walked into the room.

"Where's Blaine?" It seemed as though everyone was surprised by the question.

"You mean you don't know?" Robbie asked.

"He was with Lisa…" Kurt began.

"No… Lisa sent him back here an hour ago," Jack replied, shaking his head. "I was just coming to check on him."

"Wait… so he's gone?" Scott asked.

"No… he wouldn't have left like this," Kurt replied. "He's still supposed to be on that medication, and he wasn't properly dressed. All of his stuff is still here… surely he wouldn't have left without any extra clothes or anything like that. Not after what happened last time…"

"Okay, guys… just calm down and stay here." Kurt grabbed his coat, starting to follow Jack out of the building. "Kurt, I need you to stay here."

"I'm going with you to look for him," Kurt replied. He watched as Jack shook his head, blocking Kurt's path out the door of the cabin.

"No. I can't be worrying about you, too. Wherever Blaine is, we'll find him. But you need to stay here, so that we aren't out there searching for both of you." Kurt shook his head; he knew that Jack was right – he wouldn't do any good if he got lost – but at the same time he couldn't stand the thought of not doing anything.

"But Blaine…"

"Is going to be fine. He wouldn't have gone far, and he'll be fine. He should know what to do, how to take care of himself out there…" Jack began.

"But he wouldn't have run off, Jack… and if he isn't here on campus, then something must have happened to him…"

"We're going to figure it out. Whatever is going on, we'll find Blaine and take care of him. He's going to be okay…"

"You can't guarantee that," Kurt replied. "You don't know what happened to him… you don't know where he is…"

"And I won't know anything unless you let me go look and let everyone else get started!" Kurt backed off, suddenly realizing that Jack was just as upset about this situation as Kurt was. Jack was just better at hiding his worry. "Listen… I understand what you're saying. I don't think Blaine would have walked away from this, either. But we don't know _what_ happened here, and until we have some kind of idea what's going on, there really isn't much of anything we can do." Kurt nodded.

"I'm just scared… this isn't like him. He wasn't himself earlier, when I convinced him to go talk to Lisa…" Kurt watched as Jack nodded, sighing.

"I know. But she never would have sent him back here alone if she'd had any reason to think he might be a danger to himself or anyone else. And I trust her judgment on that one… she knows how to deal with people in Blaine's position, and I can't imagine that he would have done anything stupid…"

"But he's still not here right now… and I can't help worrying that something really bad has happened to him because no one has seen him in so long. The last time I saw him, he was really upset and not acting like himself." Kurt watched as Jack sighed, shaking his head.

"He's going to be okay, Kurt. Whatever's going on, Blaine will be okay…"

"Can you really promise me that, when you don't actually know what's going on? No one knows where he is or why he's gone…" Kurt watched as Jack shook his head again.

"I just don't want you to worry, Kurt. We'll find him, and we'll take care of him no matter what's going on. The most important thing is that people start looking for him now, and I need to go get people to start looking for him."


	36. Frozen

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So somehow getting my work schedule all screwed up this week gave me the needed fire under my ass to get my work done quickly so that I could actually write. Just… don't hate me, okay?**

It was so cold out, Blaine felt sure he'd never be warm again. Which didn't seem right, since the last place he remembered being was in the main cabin at Mountainview. But now it felt as though someone was standing on his chest as he tried to breathe, and Blaine really wasn't sure that he could move.

"You can't sleep here, kid…" Blaine groaned as he felt someone nudging him with a foot. It was far too reminiscent of the time he'd spent sleeping on the streets over the years, before he'd really had anyone to care about him. "C'mon, wake up… I don't want to have to take you in…"

Blaine opened his eyes, looking up at the man in a black police uniform, complete with a thick coat and hat, staring down at him. He was confused; there weren't supposed to be police officers on campus, and he didn't remember leaving. But given the way his head was aching, Blaine was starting to question his ability to remember anything properly. "Where am I?" Blaine almost missed the answer thanks to a coughing fit that made his chest feel as though it was going to explode.

"Garfield Park… what are you, drunk or something?" Blaine shook his head, closing his eyes.

"What town?"

"Shenandoah, Iowa," the cop replied, laughing. Blaine shook his head, sitting up slowly as he coughed again. "Go home, kid… that cough sounds worse than whatever the hell it is you're running away from." Blaine shook his head again as the cop started to walk away.

"Can't…" The cop stopped, turning around to look at him.

"Your parents kick you out or something?"

"I don't know how to get home… or how I got here…" Blaine winced as he started to put weight on his left foot. Something was clearly wrong there, as well. The coughing started up again, more intense than it had been the first time.

"Shit… that doesn't sound good, kid…" Blaine closed his eyes as the man put a hand against his forehead. "You're burning up with fever… how long have you been out here?" Blaine shrugged as the man tried to help him to his feet, stumbling because his feet were numb from the cold.

"I still don't even know where here _is_," Blaine muttered, doing his best to hold back on the coughing. It felt like his chest was on fire with every breath as he leaned against the police officer as they slowly made their way back to his cruiser. "Where are we going?"

"You're going to the hospital to get checked out while I try and find your parents. What's your name?"

"Blaine Anderson… and good luck with that one." Blaine closed his eyes for a moment as the officer stopped, letting him lean against the vehicle while he got the doors open.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Blaine shrugged. Even though he'd just woken up, he was suddenly exhausted. "Stay awake and talk to me here… where are your parents?"

"I haven't seen my mom in years, dad's not allowed within 100 yards. 'M supposed to be at school…" Blaine couldn't get his eyes to open as the police officer helped him into the back of the cruiser, making sure he didn't hit his head and helping him buckle the seatbelt because Blaine's hands were too cold to function properly. It was sort of worrying, but Blaine couldn't really focus on the lack of feeling in his hands and feet because he was so focused on simply keeping himself awake long enough to answer the officer's questions.

"Where's school?"

"Mountainview. 'S near Granby…" Blaine muttered.

"Never heard of Granby… what's the nearest city?"

"Boulder, I think…" Blaine began, losing his battle against the coughing again.

"Boulder… as in Colorado?" the man asked. Blaine nodded, trying not to cough. It hurt, whether he coughed or tried to suppress it. Blaine had been pretty sick before, but it had never felt like this and it worried him. "Shit… you're a long way from home…" Blaine closed his eyes and did his best to avoid thinking about just how awful he felt. "Just hang tight for a little while, okay? I know you feel pretty bad, but you need to just hang with me until we get you to the hospital."

"'S it bad?" Blaine asked, not even really thinking about what he was asking.

"I'm not a doctor. But it sounds bad to me."

Blaine wasn't really aware of what was going on for the rest of the ride to the hospital, because all he really wanted was to sleep and it was taking all he had to stop that from happening. He knew that falling asleep probably wasn't a good idea, but the longer they drove the harder it was for Blaine to keep himself awake.

* * *

Jack couldn't help being nervous as he hurried into the hospital. He'd gotten a call in the middle of the night from the police, telling him that someone had found Blaine somewhere in Iowa the day before. Jack had driven all night, still unsure what was going on, exactly. The police officer he'd spoken to hadn't given him any details about Blaine's condition, and at this point Jack was just praying that the boy was alive and breathing.

"I'm looking for Blaine Anderson… I got a phone call saying someone brought him in last night?" Jack couldn't help bouncing impatiently as the older volunteer typed the name into her computer, searching for Blaine.

"He's down the hall, in the ICU… follow the green line down the hallway, it's down the second hall to your left. There's a waiting room on the right hand side of that hallway, and you can press the call button outside the doors directly in front of you to see if they'll let you in to visit." Jack nodded, following the woman's directions quickly. It only took a couple of minutes for him to find the door she had mentioned, and it didn't take long for one of the nurses to buzz him through and into the ICU area.

"Can you tell me anything?" Jack asked as one of the nurses walked over to him.

"You're his guardian?"

"Blaine's a ward of the state… I'm in charge of his cabin at school." Jack watched as the nurse nodded, leading him around the nurse's station towards the back side of the room.

"He's not doing very well right now… the officer that found him should have called an ambulance instead of bringing him to the ER, but it's too late to change that now. Frostbite had set in already, and he has a nasty case of pneumonia…" Jack just nodded as the nurse pushed back a curtain to let him through. "His doctor will be able to tell you more when he comes by for rounds."

"Is he going to be okay?" Jack asked. The woman shrugged.

"I don't know… it's more up to him than anything else. He has to wake up first, and then we'll know more about what's going to happen."

Jack wasn't really sure what he'd expected when he actually walked through the curtain to move towards Blaine's bed. The boy was incredibly pale and small looking, compared to all of the machines surrounding his bed. Blaine's hair was matted against his forehead, and Jack vaguely recognized one of the medications being pumped through the boy's IV line as a fairly strong antibiotic. Everything pointed to the fact that Blaine was very, very sick and there was nothing Jack could do about it.

"You must be Blaine's guardian…" Jack turned around at the sound of someone coming through the curtain around Blaine's bed. "I'm Dr. Jones…"

"Jack Bryant… I'm in charge of Blaine's cabin back at Mountainview. Is he going to be okay?" Jack bit down on his bottom lip as the man sighed.

"At this point, we don't really know what's going to happen. He's in a coma at the moment, and he isn't capable of breathing on his own… without the ventilator, he can't keep his oxygen levels high enough to keep his body functioning. He's on high-dose antibiotics right now to try and get rid of the infection in his lungs… if we can get that cleared up, and if he doesn't develop an infection elsewhere his chances are good." Jack sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.

"So there's really nothing we can do…" Jack replied.

"Just wait and see. For starters, he needs to wake up… that's the biggest hurdle he needs to get past. We're going to keep an eye on the frostbite, at least until we know how severe it is… his injuries could be fairly mild, or they could be serious enough that he might lose fingers or toes or even worse."

"Did he say anything?"

"Blaine wasn't conscious when he arrived yesterday… the only information we have is from the officer that found him. He didn't know how he got to Iowa or anything like that," the doctor replied. Jack nodded, sighing and sinking into the only chair in the room. "Whatever happens, we're going to do everything we can for him. He's a strong kid, and he's still fighting this."

* * *

Jack sighed, sipping on his coffee as he paced around the ICU waiting room. He'd been asked to leave for a little while so that Blaine's doctor and the nurses could work on his hands and feet again and try to take him off the ventilator again. It had been a long couple of days waiting and hoping that Blaine would wake up, and it was starting to take its toll on Jack.

Jack was sort of surprised by the sound of his phone ringing. "Hello?"

"_Hey Jack… how is everything?_" Jack couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief at the sound of Ian's voice on the other end of the line.

"Okay, I guess. I think you would be better at dealing with all of this than I am, though… how's everything on your end?"

"_It's fine… there's a cold going around, but nothing we can't handle. Everyone's kind of on edge trying to figure out what's going on with Blaine…_" Jack sighed, sitting down on one of the couches and putting his coffee down on a table.

"They're trying to get him off the respirator right now… the pneumonia is starting to clear up, he seems to be getting better. He just isn't awake yet."

"_What about the frostbite?_"

"They're saying third degree… they're keeping an eye on the skin, trying to keep him from getting an infection. So far, there's no gangrene that they can find. It's just a matter of time at this point." Jack sighed, rubbing his temples and grabbing a sip of his coffee.

"_If they can keep him from developing gangrene, he may not lose anything…_"

"I don't even want to think about the possibility of amputation right now… we still have to get over the first hurdle, of him actually making it out of the hospital." Jack glanced up as he heard the door to the ICU opening and the sound of someone inside coding. "God… I'm not even sure I want to know who that is right now. I'm guessing that I won't be able to go check on Blaine again when they're done, at least not for a while…"

"_If it was Blaine, they would tell you something. In this case, not knowing anything is probably a good thing…_" Jack sighed.

"We aren't going to be able to take him back to Mountainview, are we? He isn't going to be able to stay…"

"_We'll figure something out for him. We always do._"

"But 'figuring something out' for Ben meant putting him into a reform school with ten foot high fences. I don't think we can do that to Blaine… I don't think I'm okay with sending him somewhere else when he was just starting to deal with everything that happened to him."

"_There's always foster care…_"

"Which would take Blaine away from everyone that cares about him… all of the people that are rooting for him."

"_We're only a couple of weeks away from being certified as foster parents, Jack… it's going to be at least that long before Blaine's cleared to leave the hospital in Iowa. If we can make sure our certification goes through before he's released and you bring him back to Colorado, we'd have a shot… we could work out some kind of arrangement so that he can still go to school at Mountainview and keep Lisa as his therapist… it would probably be in his best interests to keep things the same as much as possible._" Jack sighed, wondering if Ian was right about all of that.

"I just want things to work out for Blaine. For once in his life, I want something to actually work out."


	37. Bad News

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: Wow. So I should totally be writing two papers for schoolwork today, but instead I decided to finish this up. Don't worry… this isn't the last chapter. Because seriously, I would be an awful writer if I didn't tie up the loose ends about Kurt and Blaine (although at the moment I'm not sure that I want to write Klaine because I did watch "The Break Up" and I'm very upset about all of that).**

Blaine really wasn't sure where he was as the fog finally lifted enough so that he could force his eyes to open. All he could see were industrial white ceiling tiles and mint green curtains a few feet away from his bed. Something just felt… wrong. Like Blaine wasn't supposed to be wherever he was.

"The amount of flunitrazepam in his system is worrying. It's pretty clear that someone was drugging him to keep him knocked out as much as possible. Whatever happened here…"

"It was something bad." Blaine vaguely recognized Jack's voice. "Why didn't we know this sooner?"

"There was a backlog on the drug testing results… we thought he was a runaway, probably dealing with psychological side effects of hypothermia and frostbite. We didn't think we were going to find evidence of foul play. We notified the police of the findings, but it was too late to treat him for an overdose. It doesn't seem like there are any permanent adverse effects, thankfully."

"Has there been any change?"

"His lung have cleared dramatically in the past few days. The antibiotics are working really well, and they seem to be keeping infection away elsewhere. We'll need to keep an eye on him for a while, but things are looking good." Blaine groaned, trying to figure out what was going on.

"What…?"

"Blaine?" Blaine smiled slightly as Jack leaned over his bed. "Hey… good to finally see you awake."

"What's going on?" Blaine was a little surprised by an attack of coughing that made it difficult for him to breathe, as someone held an oxygen mask by his face. He closed his eyes again as the coughing finally died down.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired… not right…" Blaine began. He tried to reach up and take the oxygen mask out of Jack's hand, but he couldn't grasp it. Blaine opened his eyes, realizing that his hand was bandaged up. "What's wrong with my hand? How did I end up here?"

"Your hands and feet are frostbitten…" Jack began. Blaine shook his head, closing his eyes again.

"How…?"

"You were outside, sleeping in the snow. A police officer found you and brought you here."

"But… I was at school…"

"Someone drugged you and brought you here about a week ago. When they brought you in, you were disoriented and struggling to breathe… you slipped into a coma." Blaine shook his head, confused. "The important thing is that you're going to be okay… it's going to take some time, but in a few weeks you'll be back in Colorado and we'll figure everything out from there." Blaine closed his eyes as Jack pushed a few curls out of his face.

"I don't…" Despite the fact that he'd just woken up, Blaine felt exhausted. He couldn't even really form words to ask his questions, because he couldn't really think straight.

"It's okay, Blaine… just get some rest, we can talk about all of this later."

**LINE**

Being in the hospital was really starting to take a toll on Blaine. He wasn't allowed to walk or use his hands because of the frostbite, which basically meant that he was completely dependent upon other people to do everything for him. It really sucked to not even be able to go to the bathroom on his own.

The fact that Jack was getting ready to go back to Colorado without him wasn't really helping things, either.

"I just don't get why I can't go, too… I feel a lot better…" Blaine watched as Jack sighed, shaking his head and closing the computer he'd been working on.

"You haven't been released from the hospital yet, Blaine. You're still having trouble breathing at night, you have at least three more days on those antibiotics, and it's really expensive to transfer you to another hospital closer to the school," Jack replied.

"They could release me…"

"But I'm not capable of taking care of you until we could get back to Colorado. And they're not going to release you while they're still so worried about the risk of gangrene. You need to be here, so that they can keep an eye on your hands and feet for a little while longer." Blaine closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"I don't care… I've got to get out of here, Jack. I can't be here alone." Blaine watched as the man sighed, shaking his head.

"I'm really sorry, Blaine… but I have to get back to work and you still really need to be here. You aren't really stable enough to be moved yet, anyway," Jack replied. Blaine bit down on his bottom lip.

"You're not going to come back for me…"

"Whoa… what?" Jack asked. Blaine shook his head, closing his eyes and doing his best to roll away from the man because he honestly felt as though he was just going to be forgotten in a hospital somewhere in Iowa. "Blaine, we aren't going to just leave you here… you're going to come back to Colorado as soon as you're well enough to travel. I may not be the one driving back out here to go with you, but I'm not just abandoning you here." Blaine sort of curled himself up into a ball as Jack put a hand on his shoulder.

"The people I actually care about always leave."

"You aren't being abandoned, Blaine. I promise you, I'm going to see you again in the near future and I'm going to do everything I can to keep you at Mountainview if that's a possibility. But right now, you need to focus on getting some rest…"

Blaine didn't even really understand _why_ he was so upset about the whole situation. Given how much his parents had rejected and abandoned him over the years, Blaine really should have been used to the idea. But somehow this was different – the idea that Jack might be leaving him. Somehow, that was so much more painful than any of the other rejections he'd ever faced.

**LINE**

Waking up after a nightmare was never pleasant, but the same experience in the hospital was even worse. Blaine had been trying to avoid falling asleep as much as possible because of the nightmares he'd started having when he'd woken up in the hospital, but that wasn't always possible and he often woke up with a nurse turning the oxygen mask back on for him because he was struggling to breathe. Which was why he was now being confronted by a psychiatrist from the hospital's staff.

"I don't know what you expect me to say… there's nothing to talk about," Blaine commented, staring out the window. It had started snowing again that morning, and Blaine was starting to get worried that it would somehow delay his getting to go back to Colorado.

"Blaine… I've spoken to the nurses and they're worried about you. Those dreams… you're waking up in a panic multiple times every night, not really getting any rest. You can't heal properly if you're constantly exhausted," the doctor replied. Blaine closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Blaine, please just talk to me. I want to help you with whatever is going on."

"I don't know… I don't know what it is that's freaking me out so badly. And trust me, I want it to stop. But I don't know what's going on here any more than you do."

"Then let's just talk. How are you feeling?" Blaine shrugged.

"Confused… I'm still trying to figure out how I ended up here," Blaine replied. He didn't even bother turning back towards the man because he really didn't want to talk about any of it.

"It's a long way to travel. What's the last thing you remember before you woke up here?"

"I was walking back to my cabin. I'd been talking to Lisa, and she'd sent me to go get some rest because I was exhausted and drained from everything we'd been talking about…" Blaine tried to focus, but things were starting to get fuzzy in his memory. "Things are… weird after that. Nothing that makes any sense. Just vague images… someone wearing black, a lot of yelling." Blaine felt his chest constricting as he thought about everything he could remember. Somehow in his mind, there was the distinct image of someone forcing him to drink something.

"Blaine? What are you thinking about?" Blaine pulled away as the man put a hand on his shoulder. "Just breathe, okay?

"He forced me to drink something… I don't know what it was, but I was choking on it and he kept forcing it down my throat. I couldn't breathe…" Even though he knew it was all in his head, Blaine could feel himself choking on the thick liquid again.

"Blaine? Blaine, calm down okay? There's nothing going on this time… you're in the hospital and you're safe. There's no one here trying to hurt you…" Blaine was fighting to breathe as the tears stung at his eyes. He wanted to know who the person in black was, but somehow he couldn't quite force the memory to either go away or clear up what had happened. It was as if his mind was stuck there permanently.

Blaine wasn't all that surprised when he woke up again and it was starting to get dark outside. Clearly someone had sedated him at some point during his panic attack in the hopes that it would help him calm down. And he really hated the fog that it brought with it because he couldn't really focus on anything.

"I want to go…" Blaine muttered as soon as he heard someone walking into the room.

"I know, Blaine. I'm going to take you home as soon as they clear you to travel." Blaine opened his eyes and turned to look at the door, smiling as he saw Ian standing there.

"I thought you weren't coming until they released me…"

"I got the phone call this morning. They were planning on sending you to a hospital in Boulder tomorrow morning, and I wanted to be here to travel with you," Ian replied. "They said you had a panic attack earlier while you were talking to a psychiatrist earlier today."

"It's going to stop me from going home in the morning, isn't it?" Blaine asked.

"They're worried that you might have a panic attack on the way there. You've been struggling with them the whole time you've been here, and from what I heard that doctor really hit on something serious while the two of you were talking this afternoon."

"They drugged me…"

"I know. You couldn't calm down, so they sedated you for a while."

"They can't just sedate me for the trip back to Colorado?" Blaine asked, closing his eyes again.

"You don't need to be drugged. Given your past, that's probably the worst possible thing for you right now. They know your issues with addiction, and they don't want to give you anything that might contribute to a new problem."

"I just want to go home, Ian… I just want to go back to Mountainview and talk to Lisa and Jana about all of this. I don't want a new therapist or someone to put me on a bunch of drugs because I'm crazy. I just want things to go back to normal. Or as close to normal as my life is ever going to get." Blaine closed his eyes, doing his best to pull the thin hospital blanket up over his body despite the fact that he couldn't really use his bandaged hands.

"I know. But you can't go back to Mountainview, Blaine. Not until your hands and feet heal. And even then, it may not happen… it's all going to depend on how much permanent damage was done." Blaine opened his eyes again, confused. This was the first he'd heard about not going back to the school, despite the fact that Jack had been with him for almost a week.

"Wait… what do you mean I'm not going back to school? Why not?" Blaine watched as Ian sighed, sitting down in the room's only chair. "Ian… tell me."

"It's not safe for you to be at Mountainview if you aren't healthy. We can't take any risks with your health or safety, and that means we have to make alternative arrangements," Ian replied. Blaine bit down on his bottom lip. "We aren't sending you away. Before you even say it, we wouldn't do that to you. Jack and I are trying to figure it all out right now, but by the time you get out of the hospital in Boulder it will all be worked out."


	38. Changing Plans

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: This has taken me SO long to get out for some reason. I've written and rewritten different sections of this so many times it isn't even funny, but I think I'm finally happy with what I've written. Which is a good thing, considering how bad my day has been! But it's also kind of bad because it's nearly 1 AM and I'm having trouble focusing on writing this note, so I'll end by saying I hope you all enjoy the chapter!**

Kurt felt strange sitting in Jack's office, knowing that the man was going to call his father soon. "You're not sending me home, are you?" Kurt's voice was barely above a whisper, but he knew that Jack heard him by the way he perked up at Kurt's words.

"That's not the plan… but we need to have a serious discussion about what's been going on since Blaine went missing. You've been distant and quiet, and we're all worried about what's going on with you," Jack replied. Kurt bit down on his bottom lip, playing with a bit of dead skin on the side of his thumb. "You're here to work on your issues, but we can't help you if you aren't willing to talk to us."

Kurt couldn't help fidgeting in his seat at Jack's comment. He knew that was the case, of course; he'd been extremely close to being transferred to a different treatment facility when he'd first started talking again. But it was difficult for Kurt to remember that when he was worried about how Blaine was doing and missing his best friend. "I just… I don't want to lose Blaine. And if he doesn't come back, I'll probably never see him again…"

"I can tell you now that Blaine won't be able to come back to the cabin for a while, if at all. Honestly, it could be a few months before he's even able to walk or use his hands again. He was in bad shape when the police found him, and he's lucky to be doing as well as he is." Kurt could feel his stomach drop at the thought that he wasn't going to see Blaine again.

"He's not coming back…"

"He'll still be around, Kurt," Jack replied. Kurt looked up, confused. "I'm not going to be here much longer… Ian and I have been approved to be foster parents, and once Blaine is out of the hospital I'm planning on resigning. To take care of him. We've already worked it out with the state for Blaine to be our first foster child."

"But if you're leaving…" Kurt began.

"Ian is still going to be working in the infirmary, and I'll bring Blaine up here pretty regularly. He needs stability, and that means trying to keep things the same as much as possible." Kurt bit down on his bottom lip.

"Is there any way I can see him when he gets back?"

"We'll have to see… you're going to have to work with us over the next few days. You haven't earned the right to leave campus, and I don't think you're ready for that," Jack replied. Kurt bit down on his bottom lip, trying to figure out what he could say to make Jack trust him. But nothing he could think of seemed right. "I know this is rough on you, but our rules are here for a reason. And you are going to see Blaine again… I can promise you that much." Kurt couldn't help shifting uncomfortably. He knew that Jack and Ian had been bending rules for him for a while, but that really wasn't something that they could continue doing. It had already gone too far.

"He's the first person I've ever felt like I could really trust, other than my parents. I just don't want to lose that." Kurt glanced up as Jack put a hand on his shoulder.

"You aren't losing that, okay? Blaine misses you, too, and you're still going to see him. He'll be around campus a lot once he's had a chance to heal."

"I'm not going to be here much longer… just until the end of the school year," Kurt replied, looking down at his hands and picking at one of his nails. "I just… I don't want to miss out on getting to know him, while I still have the chance. Because I may not be able to talk to him again once I'm gone." Kurt glanced up as Jack nodded.

"I know you're worried. But there's plenty of time to figure all of these things out, Kurt. It's only February," Jack commented. Kurt just nodded, still not completely convinced that everything was going to work out okay.

* * *

The medication he'd been given before they'd left the hospital made Blaine really tired, and he wasn't sure that he liked it. He didn't even really know _what_ it was he'd been given, because the nurse had just handed it over without really saying a word to him.

"How are you doing?" Blaine forced his eyes open as Ian asked the question, even though he wasn't totally sure how to answer. The scenery outside his window had changed completely since they'd left the hospital, and Blaine really wasn't sure where he had ended up in the first place.

"Where are we?"

"Somewhere in Nebraska… are you okay?" Blaine shrugged, letting his eyes close again.

"'m tired."

"I know. They gave you a pretty significant dose of Xanax before we left this morning. But I have more if you start to feel like you need it."

"What's it for?" Blaine vaguely knew that he was supposed to recognize the name of that particular medication, but he couldn't quite place it for some reason.

"Anxiety, mainly. They didn't want you to have another panic attack while we were driving," Ian explained. Blaine just nodded, still not fully aware of what Ian meant. As cloudy as his thoughts were, he didn't think it was worth the effort of asking more questions to try and figure out what was going on.

Blaine wasn't really sure how long he'd been asleep when he woke up again, or if he'd even really been asleep. All he really knew was that it was dark out and they were stopping at a gas station somewhere. Ian seemed stressed out, and Blaine really wasn't feeling all that great himself. "What's going on?"

"We need to stop for a little while. How are you feeling?"

"Weird… kind of cold and hot all at the same time…" Blaine replied, doing his best to pull the blanket he'd been wearing closer around his body as Ian reached over and felt his forehead.

"You're a little warm… when we get stopped I'll see how high your fever is and we'll go from there," Ian replied. Blaine just nodded, trying not to get worried about the fact that he already seemed to be getting sick again just a few hours after he'd finally gotten out of the hospital. It was bad enough that he was really just being transferred to a different hospital that focused on physical rehabilitation, but the thought of being sick again was just sort of depressing.

Blaine was sort of in and out as Ian took his temperature and listened to his breathing with the stethoscope. "I think we might have taken you off the antibiotics too soon…"

"So I'm not going to the rehab place, am I?" Blaine asked. He opened his eyes and saw Ian sigh and shake his head.

"I don't know. They're attached to the hospital so they might be able to take you anyway, but that's going to be up to the doctors there, not me." Blaine raised an eyebrow. "They'll want to check your hands and feet when we get there, and if they think you've developed gangrene or some other kind of infection they'll probably put you back into the actual hospital."

Blaine was confused. "But… if I'm running a fever, that means I have an infection of some kind. Right?"

"Maybe. It could be a lot of things, and I can't tell you what it is until we're at the hospital and we can really take a look at you." Blaine closed his eyes, shaking his head and leaning back into his seat again. He was starting to feel anxious about the situation. "I'm going to call the hospital and see what we need to do… do you need anything?" Blaine shook his head. He didn't want Ian to start worrying about him unnecessarily, and he really didn't want to admit that he didn't think he could handle this.

By the time Ian came back, Blaine felt as though he was on the verge of having a panic attack thinking about the idea of being in the hospital again. He could feel himself starting to lose control of his emotions, but there wasn't anything Blaine could do to stop it from happening. "Blaine? You okay?" Blaine shook his head as the tears started to stream down his face; he couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. It _hurt_, and there was nothing Blaine could do to make that go away. "Blaine, are you having a panic attack?"

Blaine felt Ian put a hand on his shoulder for a moment as he nodded. "Listen to me, Blaine… whatever is going on in your head, you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay, but I need you to take this…" Blaine opened his eyes, immediately recognizing one of the pills like what he'd taken that morning. Blaine did his best to calm his breathing so that he could swallow the little light blue pill and follow it with a sip of water from the bottle Ian held to his lips. It didn't help immediately, but having something else to focus on other than his fear of being seriously ill again seemed to be helping him calm down. "It's okay… just take a few deep breaths and talk to me… tell me what's going on in your head."

"I… I don't want to be sick…"

"I know… and honestly, I don't want this to be the case, either. But we're going to do what we have to do, okay? We're going to make sure you're okay. Now I'm going to drive you over to the hospital and let one of the doctors there take a look at your hands and feet before I take you to the rehab hospital… let them decide what needs to be done."

"W-why can't y… you?" Blaine asked, doing his best to take the bottle from Ian's hands so that he could try to hold it himself. It was only sort of effective, seeing as Blaine could hold the bottle but not really tip it enough to get something to drink.

"Because I don't have a sterile place to examine you, or enough light to really see anything that might be there. Once we're at the hospital, I can look and make sure you know everything that's going on as well as I do, but I don't want to risk whatever's going on getting any worse than it already is." Blaine just nodded, trying to calm himself down.

"I j-just want to be normal again…" Blaine closed his eyes as Ian shook his head and started the car again.

Blaine didn't remember the ride to the hospital once the pill kicked in and made him relax. He felt as though he was falling into and out of a dream, and he couldn't quite figure out what was real and what wasn't real. Everything seemed so… fuzzy.

"He's been in and out all day from the anxiety medication… he started to have a panic attack earlier, but he managed to calm down on his own and take some more of the medication. I'm a little worried about his fever, though…" Blaine forced his eyes open at the sound of Ian's voice talking to another doctor, but he couldn't really focus on anything because he was too drugged.

"Blaine?" The boy opened his eyes as he felt Ian shaking his shoulders. He was exhausted, but Ian's voice made it sound urgent.

"Wha-?"

"I need you to listen to me… I promised you that I would make sure you knew what was going on." Blaine started to sit up, until Ian stopped him. "No… just listen. Your left foot is infected. They're going to do everything they can, but the doctor thinks you might lose a couple of toes if things don't change. For right now, you're going to stay here in the hospital on IV antibiotics to see if that will help." Blaine just nodded, closing his eyes and drifting back to sleep.


	39. It's Going to Get Better

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So I finally got around to writing another chapter here! I know I haven't really been updating very often lately, but I promise that I do intend to finish the story – my life is just CRAZY right now!**

Kurt couldn't help his fingers tapping against the car door as he waited impatiently for Jack to find a parking space. One of the conditions of Kurt being able to visit Blaine was that Jack had to be with him the whole time, so he couldn't be dropped off at the door. Kurt just really wanted to go inside the hospital and make sure that his best friend was okay.

"You need to relax, Kurt… he's not going anywhere right now…" Jack began as he pulled into the first empty parking spot he could find. Jack turned off the car, but didn't make a move to unlock the doors. "I need you to be calm when we go inside. Blaine's not in a good place right now, mentally or physically, and if he gets upset we'll have to leave." Kurt swallowed hard, bringing his hand into his lap and purposely holding it still.

"How bad is it? Really?" Kurt asked. He watched as Jack sighed and shook his head.

"He developed gangrene… they've had to amputate a couple of toes, and it looks like they got everything, but they're still watching him really closely to make sure it isn't going to come back elsewhere or that he isn't going to develop any complications. But the biggest worry is that he's starting to remember some things that are really upsetting him."

"You can't tell me what it is, can you?" Kurt nodded as Jack confirmed that he couldn't say what was going on.

"Only Blaine can tell you what's going on… not only is it confidential, but there's also the fact that I'm not sure you need to hear this." Kurt closed his eyes. He'd been afraid of something like that.

"He'll be okay, right?"

"Lisa's talking to him pretty regularly, when he's feeling up to it. It's going to take a while, but I think he'll be fine. It's just going to take time." Kurt nodded, sighing. "We should go in… just try not to upset him, okay?"

The walk up to Blaine's hospital room seemed to take ages; the elevators were slow, and Kurt was sort of starting to dread what he was going to find. He'd seen people in bad shape before; going to school at Mountainview, it was almost guaranteed that someone was going to be in the middle of some kind of breakdown at least once a week. But the thought that Blaine was hurting so badly that he needed Lisa to drive into town almost every day to talk to him was seriously upsetting.

Kurt held back as Jack knocked on the door to Blaine's room and pushed it open slightly. All he could see was an ugly green printed curtain blocking their view into the room. Kurt couldn't really hear anyone moving around in the room, but the curtain seemed to stop Jack in his tracks.

"Just give us a minute… I'm almost done changing his bandages." Kurt leaned against the wall at the sound of the woman's voice, not sure of what else he should do.

"Who is it?" Kurt smiled at the sound of Blaine's voice, even though he sounded exhausted.

"Jack… I brought a friend to see you." Kurt was surprised when Jack nudged his shoulder, and it took him a moment to realize that the man wanted him to say something.

"Hey, Blaine…"

"Kurt?"

"Yeah…" Kurt didn't know what else to say. He really just wanted to see the other boy before he said anything else. It only took a minute for the nurse to finish what she was doing and push the curtain to one side.

"I'll be back in a little while with some more medication for you, Blaine." Jack pushed Kurt further into the room, so that he could see Blaine sitting in the hospital bed with a smile on his face.

"Hey."

"Hey…" Kurt smiled and walked over to the bed, leaning over and giving the dark-haired boy a hug.

"I've missed you so much," Kurt commented, starting to move away and sit down in the only chair in the room.

"You can sit on the bed, you know… you won't hurt me unless you sit on my foot, and I trust you not to do that." Kurt smiled and did as Blaine requested as soon as the boy's hand touched his shoulder. "I missed you, too."

Kurt didn't really know what to say; it was kind of awkward to have Jack sitting there right next to them, but Kurt knew the man couldn't leave.

"Are we just going to sit here and stare at each other, or are we going to talk?" Blaine finally asked. Kurt smiled, shaking his head.

"I just… I don't know what to say. I don't want to say the wrong thing… I don't want to say anything that might upset you." Kurt watched as Blaine sighed, closing his eyes. "And I just did…"

"No… I just really don't want you to feel like you have to tiptoe around me. I'm not okay, and I'm not ready to talk about it, but don't act like I'm going to break. I'm just going to have to deal with all of this…"

"But that doesn't mean that I should say or do something that might upset you…" Kurt began.

"Please… just act normal around me. That's all I ask. I need something to be normal right now, and this is the only thing I get any kind of say in," Blaine replied. Kurt nodded, sighing before he smiled at the other boy.

"Okay." Kurt reached out and took Blaine's hand, trying to figure out how he could hold it despite the bandages. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

"What's going on? In the cabin?" Kurt shook his head, smiling.

"Where do I start? It's Cabin Six… it's crazy." Kurt watched as Blaine smiled and shook his head. "Robbie's gotten so stressed out about school that he's actually being somewhat calm when he isn't on the verge of having a panic attack. Liam's dad came to visit and he got weird for a while… kind of like he was pissed off at the world. Chuck and Scott have been pretty much the same as always." Kurt watched as Blaine shifted uncomfortably. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah… my foot kind of hurts, but it'll go away after I take the medicine the nurse is supposed to be bringing. I'll be fine." Kurt smiled as he felt Blaine trying to squeeze his hand.

"You look better than I expected you to. Not nearly as sick as I thought you would given Jack's description," Kurt commented. He watched as Blaine smiled, closing his eyes.

"I'm not running a fever anymore… and I should be off the antibiotics tomorrow sometime. I'm just waiting for them to say I can go to the rehab hospital now," Blaine replied. Kurt nodded, smiling.

"It shouldn't be too long, right?"

"I don't know how long I'm going to be stuck there, though…"

"You'll be there as long as you need to be," Kurt replied. He didn't squeeze Blaine's hand, unsure if it would hurt him or not. "The most important thing is that you get better."

"I just want to go home…"

"Home?" Kurt was confused. He knew that Blaine's life with his father hadn't been good – the man was facing criminal charges for neglecting his son, after all.

"I want to go back to the cabin. It's… that's the closest thing to a home I've known for a long, long time. And I miss it. And… and I didn't _want_ to leave. I don't remember all of it, but this was the last thing I ever wanted. But of course my dad had to fuck everything up. He _always_ has to fuck everything up." Kurt put a hand on the other boy's knee, trying to let him know that Kurt was there to listen. "I just want to feel like I belong again."

"Blaine, you'll always have a place at Mountainview… but you aren't going to go back to the cabin for a long time, if ever." Kurt looked up as Jack moved closer to talk to the boy. He'd known, of course, that Blaine probably wouldn't be back at the school, but the look on the other boy's face made his heart break. Blaine looked so sad at the prospect of never being back at school.

"I just want somewhere I belong…" Kurt reached out and tried to pull Blaine into a hug when he saw the tears starting to wind their way down the boy's face, a little surprised when he was pushed away. Blaine didn't seem to want to be comforted.

"Blaine…"

"I finally found somewhere, and it had to be taken away… everything good I've ever gotten has been taken away from me. And I don't know what I've done to deserve this…" Kurt squeezed Blaine's knee.

"You didn't do _anything_ to deserve this," Kurt replied. "You can't think that you did something that made all of this happen… you didn't. You had _no_ control over any of this, and you can't blame yourself. You're the victim here. Someone else did this to you because something is wrong with them."

"My dad's always been an asshole… but I never thought he would be capable of doing something like this…" Kurt glanced at Jack, who just sighed and nodded, confirming what Blaine had just said.

"But he's never going to be able to do anything to hurt you again, Blaine… he's in jail. For good this time," Jack replied. "We are going to make sure that he _never_ gets a chance to come anywhere near you again."

"Sorry to interrupt…" Kurt looked up at the sound of the female nurse's voice coming from the doorway. "I brought Blaine's medicine. Is everything okay?"

"He's just having a rough time right now… it'll be okay," Jack replied, motioning for the nurse to come into the room with the plastic cup of pills. Kurt watched as Blaine dumped the cup's contents into his mouth and swallowed them down, chased by a few sips of water from a plastic cup with a straw from the tray table.

"Once the pills kick in, he'll probably calm down and fall asleep," the nurse commented, putting the cup back down on the table.

"We should probably go soon, anyway…" Jack began.

"Please don't leave…"

"We'll stay until you fall asleep," Jack replied, turning back to Blaine. Kurt smiled at the other boy, who looked so upset about the entire situation. "You're going to be okay, Blaine. We're going to figure this all out… don't worry about anything right now, okay?"

"He's right," Kurt replied, squeezing Blaine's knee. "You have so many people who care about you now, and we're going to care about you no matter what happens in the future. You're our friend." Kurt smiled as Blaine finally looked up at him. "It's going to be okay, Blaine. Everything is going to be okay. You just have to let people help you…"

"I'm just so tired…" Blaine began. "I'm so tired of having to fight for everything and never getting anywhere. I want to just have something be easy, just once." Kurt watched as Blaine's eyelids started to droop even sooner than he'd expected.

"It's going to get better, Blaine. It's not always going to be easy, but it _is_ going to be better. Your dad will never be in your life again, and you won't have to worry about him. You're going to live with me and Ian at least until you get your equivalency, and we're going to do everything we can to help you." Blaine just nodded, muttering a thank you. The medication had clearly started to kick in for Blaine, and he was falling asleep on them.

Kurt stood up as Jack started adjusting the bed so that Blaine was lying down a bit more, but he didn't let go of Blaine's hand. "Do we have to go?" Kurt asked, looking over at Jack. He didn't want to leave Blaine, not after the conversation they'd just had.

"We can stay a little while longer."


	40. Kurt's Journal 2

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: I know, I know… you're SHOCKED that I have this up so quickly! But it is a journal entry chapter, therefore it's really short and was written in under an hour (stupid me deleted the original first 100 words… derp).**

February 28, 2012

I'm worried about Blaine. I know it isn't something that I'm _supposed_ to be worrying about, but I can't help but think that he's in worse shape than anyone wants to tell me about. I'm not supposed to be worrying about Blaine… I'm supposed to be worrying about my own problems. And I'm working on that, yeah. But I don't want to leave here and lose touch with him. I… I think I might be falling in love with him.

I know it sounds crazy… I don't think I've known him long enough to _really_ be in love. But it's how I feel right now.

I don't want to tell anyone, though. Anyone except for maybe Blaine. But I'm not even sure if I really want to tell him just yet… what if Blaine doesn't feel the same way I do? What if he thinks I'm being ridiculous? What if he freaks out about the whole idea?

I still find it kind of weird that Blaine refers to this cabin as _home_. I don't know what that's like – I don't think I could consider somewhere like this my home. I know I'm in a totally different situation than Blaine is. I have a family that loves me, that's willing to let me come home when I'm ready for that. I've never had to worry about my parents loving me, because that's something I've always known. My parents have never let me forget that. I don't know what it's like to feel unloved _everywhere_. I guess for Blaine, having anywhere to call home is a good thing.

I sort of wonder if I'm even good for Blaine. He needs stability, and I'm not sure that I can be what he needs. I don't know that I can be enough for him, or that I won't hurt him somehow. And the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt Blaine. He's been through too much already, and the thought of doing anything that would contribute to that terrifies me.

Jack keeps telling me that I just need to focus on what _I_ need to do to get better – that I can't do anything for Blaine unless I take care of myself first. And I guess that I can see his point; how could I ever hope to put someone else back together again when I'm still so broken? But that doesn't make it any easier to keep myself from worrying. Not when Blaine is still in the hospital and I know that they're still worried about how he's doing.

If they're so worried, is it really wrong that I am, too?


	41. Transferring

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So… tonight's episode was interesting. As in, I'm wondering if the writers read one of my other stories, because I wrote one about Nick that involved something REALLY similar to what happened to Marley. I mean, I know it's unlikely, but this isn't the first time I've written something and a season or so later something similar happened on the show. And I'm really not sure how I feel about my apparent ability to predict situations like this…**

Blaine was really getting sick of feeling so helpless. While his hands and feet were healing, he still really didn't have a whole lot of feeling in his fingers and toes and that made it difficult to do anything for himself. He was just thankful that he was being moved out to the rehab hospital, so that he could work on learning how to do things again.

"I don't want you to help me." Blaine shooed Ian away as the man tried to help him put on the long-sleeved tee shirt Blaine was supposed to wear for the drive across town. He was sick of being helped with everything, and he was determined to at least do that much on his own. It wasn't easy, but once he managed to get his hands between the two layers of material it was really just a matter of time before he got his arms into the appropriate holes and could get it over his head. "See? I can do this…"

"I never thought you couldn't… but you have to admit it would be faster if you let me help you get dressed so that we can go," Ian replied. Blaine glanced at the clock on the wall, shaking his head when he realized that it had taken him almost five minutes just to get into his shirt.

"You can help me with the pants… so that it won't take as long." Blaine watched as Ian nodded and immediately started helping, so that Blaine was dressed within just a few more minutes, including socks and a coat Ian had brought to replace the one that had gone missing.

"How are you doing? Do you need some of your pain medication before we leave?" Blaine shrugged, closing his eyes for a moment.

"It doesn't hurt that much right now. But I know you're going to make me take it anyway," Blaine replied.

"I want you to take it before you're in too much pain, yes… but I don't want you to take the pills just because you think you have to." Blaine raised an eyebrow, shaking his head.

"You do realize how confusing all of that sounds, right? Because you know that I'm only taking the pain pills because you make me." Blaine watched as Ian sighed, nodding and smiling at the irony of the situation.

"I know you're not a fan of taking all of that medication. I understand why you don't like it. But right now, my main concern is getting you through this hurdle and that means I need you to cooperate with what your doctors want you to do." Blaine nodded as a nurse entered the room with a wheelchair to take him down to Ian's car for the ride across town to the rehab hospital.

"When do I get to walk again?" Blaine asked.

"When your feet have healed some more… we have to wait so that you won't cause any more damage to the nerves in your feet," Ian explained, helping him into the chair from his place on the bed. It was getting easier, because Blaine could put a little weight on his feet now, but it was still kind of embarrassing to not even be able to move that short of a distance on his own.

"When will that be?"

"I don't know, Blaine… I'm not exactly an expert in all of this. It just depends on what your doctors decide when they look at your hands and feet over the next few days."

Blaine nodded. He wanted to understand, but he was so frustrated with the whole situation that it made it difficult for him to be patient. And the fact that his recovery was the only thing Blaine could focus on that kept his mind off of what had happened made it that much more difficult.

"You okay?" Blaine nodded, forcing a smile.

"I'm just trying not to think about everything. But the only thing I have to keep my mind off of it is getting things back to normal, and that's frustrating…" Blaine began.

"Slow down, Blaine." Blaine looked over at Ian as the man knelt down next to his wheelchair. "You know that you need to talk about the things you're starting to remember. And that means that you're going to have to think about them eventually…"

"I can't deal with all of that right now, Ian. I just can't…" Blaine began, shaking his head. He watched as Ian sighed.

"You can't avoid it forever, Blaine."

"But that doesn't mean that I have to do this right now." Blaine watched as Ian stood up, shaking his head.

"We'll talk in the car, okay? We need to get you over to the rehab hospital, so that I can head back to school and check on everything there before dinnertime." Blaine sat back in the wheelchair. He couldn't really do anything other than let the nurse push him down the hall to the elevator.

Actually getting into Ian's car once they were downstairs was a little more difficult than getting into the wheelchair, but once they were finally on their way Blaine had to admit he was sort of wishing that they weren't alone in the vehicle.

"Talk to me… what's going on?" Ian asked. Blaine shrugged, watching out the window as they drove through the city. "Blaine, I know you're struggling right now. But ignoring it isn't going to make it go away… you know that. And talking to the police isn't enough for you to deal with what your father did to you. Because this is probably the worst thing your father has ever done to you, worse even than sending you to conversion therapy. And I know I'm not a therapist or anything, but you can still talk to me. I still care about you."

Blaine glanced over at Ian, biting down on his bottom lip. "I'm just not ready to talk about all of this. I know I can't do it without breaking down, and I can't do that right now. I can't… I just _can't_." Blaine was fighting tears as he spoke. "It _hurts_, Ian. This isn't what's supposed to happen… this was never supposed to be my life. This _shouldn't_ have happened to me. It shouldn't happen to _anyone_. And I can't _deal_ with this right now."

"We all get that you're having trouble with all of this, Blaine. But holding that pain in and trying to force it down and pretend it isn't there… that isn't healthy, and it isn't going to make this any easier for you. You've dealt with repressed memories before, and you know how hard that is. I don't want you to feel like we're pushing you to talk about all of this, but I also don't want you to end up hurting yourself even more by trying to ignore all of this. There's no way to avoid the pain completely, but if you'll let people help you deal with it, I know you'll be able to get through it."

"Every time I try to think about it or talk about it, I either have to detach myself completely or I have a panic attack…" Blaine began, shaking his head. "It _hurts_, Ian. It's too hard to fight all of that. I can't. I just _can't_."

Blaine looked up as he felt Ian put a hand on his shoulder. "You're going to get through this, Blaine. You're stronger than you realize, and you can do this if you'll just let us help you…" Blaine could feel the tears streaming down his face as Ian spoke. He wasn't really able to keep his emotions in check, but clearly Ian didn't mind dealing with his little outburst. "I promise you, Blaine, we're going to do everything we can to help you. You just have to trust us and be willing to talk about what's going on in your head, because we can't help you work through things if you won't talk to us."

"I'm just… not ready…" Blaine whispered.

"I know you feel that way, Blaine. But it isn't going to get easier. And honestly, the sooner you're ready to talk about this, the better," Ian replied. Blaine nodded, biting down on his bottom lip and trying his best to calm down and stop thinking about the entire situation.

The remainder of the ride was pretty much silent, although Blaine could tell without looking that Ian was keeping a pretty close eye on him as they drove through the city. He was an emotional mess, but Blaine had to admit that he was just glad to be able to be out of the hospital even for just a little while. The biggest problem was that it was exhausting, and by the time they were pulling into the parking lot of the rehab hospital Blaine was struggling to keep his eyes open.

"You look tired…" Ian began, turning off the car.

"I could use a nap." Blaine had learned pretty quickly that lying about how he was feeling wasn't a good idea – he needed to be honest about what was going on if he wanted to actually start feeling better.

"Once you're inside, you'll be able to get some rest. They'll give you a break today, so that you can get used to the new schedule and be well rested before you start physical therapy tomorrow." Blaine nodded, closing his eyes as Ian got out of the car and went inside the building to get someone to come help them inside. Blaine was kind of nervous about the whole situation because he really didn't know what to expect once he was inside.

Blaine was really surprised by just how nice the inside of the facility really was once he was actually inside. It felt really homey and comfortable, unlike the hospitals he'd just been released from – more like Mountainview. And it didn't take long for them to arrive in what was going to be Blaine's room for the duration of his stay. The walls were a dark cream color, and all of the medical equipment that might be required was hidden so that it didn't feel like a hospital at all. Not to mention that the bed actually looked as though it would be comfortable, unlike the beds in the hospital. There was also a comfortable looking couch on the far end, underneath a window.

"This is seriously a hospital room?"

"It's not really a normal hospital… most people are going to be here for a little while, so it needs to be comfortable. Though you probably won't be spending a lot of time in this room… you've got a lot of physical and occupational therapy before you're ready to leave, and they're probably going to keep you pretty busy trying to get you back on your feet." Blaine just nodded as Ian put a bag Blaine didn't recognize down on the couch.

"Let's get you into bed so that you can get some rest…" Ian began.

"Can I stay up for a while? I'm so sick of being in bed, and I need to get used to being awake more of the day anyway," Blaine replied. He watched as Ian turned to look at the nurse that had helped them find the room.

"We can put you on the couch, if you'd like. That way you'll be more comfortable, in case you end up falling asleep," she suggested. Blaine nodded, smiling.

"I like that idea." Blaine smiled as the nurse wheeled him over to the couch and helped Ian get him out of the chair, putting his feet up.

"Is there anything else you need?" she asked, as Ian started putting away the bag's contents in a dresser.

"I'm fine, thanks."

"I'll come back and check on you in a little while… just let us know if there's anything you need." Blaine turned towards Ian as the woman left.

"What's in the bag?"

"Jack and I packed up some of your clothes so that you would have something other than pajamas to wear for the next few weeks," Ian explained, continuing to unpack. "The nurses will be here to help you with whatever you need, until you're able to do more things for yourself again." Blaine watched in silence for a moment.

"You won't be around?"

"Jack and I will come see you, but you'll be busy for a while… you are going to have a lot of therapy sessions. And Lisa will come by once a week for your regular sessions." Blaine bit down on his bottom lip for a moment.

"Could… could Kurt come visit?" Blaine watched as Ian stopped for a moment, as if he was thinking.

"We'll have to discuss it… you know that it'll depend on how Kurt's doing, and what's going on at school. But I'll talk about it with Jack when they get back from their weekend out on the mountain on Sunday." Blaine nodded.

"I just… I want to see him again. I _miss_ him." Blaine turned to look out the window, smiling at the fact that his room looked out onto a garden. It was dead and still vaguely snowy, but still nice. "I can actually see the ground out this window. And trees…"

"If you're still here when it warms up some, you'll be able to go outside," Ian replied. "And you _will_ see Kurt again… I can promise you that. It may be a few weeks, but we know that the two of you are good friends, and that it will do you both some good to see each other once in a while."

"Ian… thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, Blaine. I care about you… and you deserve to have someone care, after all of this time."


	42. Hard Conversations

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So I apologize for the massive delay on this chapter; school and work were insane at the end of last year, and I haven't really had much time to work on this since then. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy!**

Rehab was hard. And while Blaine knew it was necessary, that didn't make it any easier for him to deal with having to wake up early each morning and work hard all day only to end up being exhausted as one of the nurses helped him get ready for bed. He couldn't do much of anything for himself, and his fingers were still fumbling over everything he tried to do.

"You look tired." Blaine opened his eyes, glancing at Lisa as she stood in the doorway of his room before he rolled over so that his back was facing her. Their regular sessions were proceeding as usual, but that didn't mean that Blaine always wanted to talk to his therapist. "Blaine?"

"I don't want to talk…" he muttered, letting his eyes close. He was exhausted, and the last thing he wanted was to do with something that would be even more draining than all of the hard work he'd been putting in.

Blaine shrugged away from the hand that was placed on his shoulder. "Blaine, what's going on?"

"I'm exhausted… and I _really_ don't want to talk about the fact that my dad royally fucked me up and then decided that I was too fucked up to live…" Blaine knew almost as soon as he was done talking that he'd walked right into talking about something that he _really_ didn't want to deal with.

"We've talked about this, Blaine…" Lisa began.

"I just can't do this today. I want to be left alone… I'm exhausted…" Blaine felt Lisa pull her hand away, but he didn't look her direction.

"You're upset."

"No shit."

"Will you try to calm down and talk to me, please? I know you've been working really hard this week, but this is important. You need to keep working on getting yourself back on track…"

"I can't do this right now, Lisa… I just need a break. I need to work on the physical stuff and try to get things somewhat back to normal. You're going to ask me all sorts of questions and you want me to talk about what happened that got me to this point, but I don't _know_ what happened and I can't talk about something I don't know!" Blaine pulled away as soon as he felt Lisa trying to put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

"I understand that, Blaine. But I'm trying to help you here… I don't want you to be left to face these emotions alone. I don't think you're ready for that, and I don't want anything to happen to you. Especially not when you're here on your own at night." Blaine closed his eyes. In his head, he knew that Lisa was right about him needing to talk about what was going on and what had happened, but the idea of trying to remember anything that had happened made Blaine feel ill. He just _couldn't_ do that to himself.

"I just can't…" Blaine whispered. "I can't make myself think about that. I don't _want_ to know…"

**LINE**

Calculus was kind of starting to drive Kurt up the wall. It was the last thing he wanted to think about with so many other things going on. It was April, meaning that everything was starting to get really stressful with _all_ of his classes. Not to mention that he was still worried about Blaine, whom he hadn't seen in a few weeks for various reasons. Every time he broached the subject with Jack and Ian, Kurt was told that it wasn't a good time for him to visit for various reasons.

Kurt threw down his pencil, leaning back in his chair at the table and shaking his head. "This is ridiculous… why do I need calculus? I'm not going to be a mathematician or an engineer or anything like that…"

"It's senior year…" Scott commented, without looking up from his own calculus book.

"And if I were at home, I wouldn't even be taking a math class this year… I've got enough math credits to graduate without this class," Kurt replied. "This whole thing about not getting to choose your own classes is kind of a pain."

"We do what we can, Kurt, but we only have so many classes and so many students we can put in each class… and you can't just have empty hours in your class schedule." Kurt sighed at Jack's attempt at explaining things as the man sat down in one of the empty chairs at the table.

"I'd just rather not have to take a pointless class. I don't know what I'm going to do in college yet, but it's not going to be math-related. I hate math…"

"There are a lot of jobs that require math, whether you realize it or not. And we can talk about what you might want to do in the future after you've finished your homework…" Kurt rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I meant, Jack. I'm just sick of doing all this work that I don't need to do… there are so many other things that would be better uses of my time, but I'm stuck doing calculus homework because I don't want it to mess up my GPA. And I'm worrying about Blaine because no one will tell me anything or let me see him and I don't know what's going on with him… I want to be able to make sure that he's okay." Kurt watched as Jack sighed and shook his head.

"Blaine is fine, Kurt. He's working on a lot of stuff right now, and he needs time to focus on his own health and well-being right now."

"But don't you think it would be good for him to see that _someone_ cares about how he's doing? I mean, surely he has down time…" Kurt began.

"Kurt, he knows we're all worried about him. But there are things that he really needs to work on dealing with right now, and I don't think that distracting him is going to be a good idea."

"I don't see how it would be a distraction for me to just be there for an hour or two… he's working so hard all the time, I would think he would deserve some kind of break from all of that."

"I'm not going to argue with you, Kurt. It's just not a good idea," Jack replied. Kurt crossed his arms.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"You know everything you need to know, Kurt."

"There's something you aren't telling me… something is wrong that you don't want to talk about, and I want to know what it is." Kurt could see that Jack wasn't going to give in easily, but he really wanted to see Blaine. He missed being able to hold the other boy's hand and just talk about things. To be able to kiss him, and to help Blaine through all of this. It didn't seem fair to Kurt that he wasn't even allowed to try and help his friend. "Please… I just want to be there for him. Why won't you let me try to help as much as I can?"

"He's not willing to work with Lisa, Kurt… I don't think there's anything you could do to change that," Jack replied.

"How will you ever know if I can help if you won't even let me _try_? Could it really hurt anything for me to just go see him?" Kurt could see that Jack was thinking about what he'd said, and he waited impatiently for some kind of answer.

"We don't really know what's going on in Blaine's head right now, Kurt. He's been irrational every time Lisa's gone to talk to him, and he doesn't really talk to anyone else at all. Even if we did let you go see him, there's no guarantee that he would even be willing to talk to you. Whatever happened out there upset him enough that he can't even bear to think about it, and he's trying really hard to avoid whatever it is. You need to be prepared for that."

Kurt nodded. "I get it."

"He isn't going to be the same old Blaine he used to be…"

"Okay." Kurt could see that Jack was trying to figure out how to talk him out of going to see Blaine.

"Kurt… I can't even promise that he'll be willing to see you." Kurt sighed, shaking his head.

"I get that… I just want to try, Jack. I want a chance to see him again. Because I keep hearing that he's going to be around and we're going to see him, but he isn't. I'm starting to lose hope that he's ever going to come back to Mountainview… it sort of sounds like you aren't even sure…"

"There are a lot of factors…"

"Is he going to come back or not?" Kurt asked. He was sick of skirting around the subject; he wanted to know the truth. Kurt could see from the look on Jack's face that he really wasn't all that comfortable talking about this, but Kurt wasn't going to let this go. Jack sighed.

"He has a lot going on, and he needs to work through a lot of things. I just don't know if he's going to be able to come back or not… he's not really stable enough to be here, even if he was better off physically." Kurt nodded. "We'd love for him to come back, Kurt. But eventually he's going to age out of being under the state's care, and he's going to be too old to be in this program. He's going to have to make a lot of hard decisions in the very near future."

"You would kick him out?" Kurt asked. "He's living with you and Ian when he gets out of the hospital, isn't he?"

"He'll always have a place to go… Ian and I have both agreed that he'll be welcome in our home. But Blaine can't stay a teenager forever, Kurt. And he'll have to figure out what he's going to do with his life… what he wants to do as far as education, how he's going to support himself in the future. It's a lot to think about." Kurt nodded, leaning back in his chair.

"I just want to be there for him, Jack. To make sure that he knows he has friends that will help him if he needs it. I'm his best friend here… how could it be a problem for me to go see him? Especially now, when he needs someone the most…" Kurt watched impatiently as Jack sighed.

"I'll take you, okay? But that's all I can promise."


	43. Not Ready To Talk

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: It's a bird… it's a plane… it's a new chapter! I know, you're all shocked that I've updated so quickly this time. It's a fluke; I'm procrastinating doing a LOT of other work (and staying up entirely too late considering it's the school year and I really need to keep myself on a sleep schedule). Anyways, I hope you all enjoy… this will be the last chapter until I get a couple of papers written for school that I've been putting off!**

"I'm not ready to talk." Kurt raised an eyebrow at Blaine's words as soon as he walked into the room.

"Not even to me?" Kurt waited for a moment in the doorway, not really sure if Blaine was going to be willing to talk to him or not. Jack had warned him that this might happen and he was sort of prepared for it. He was relieved when Blaine rolled over to face the door.

"You came to see me?"

Kurt smiled. "Of course. I've missed you." He watched as Blaine started to smile, before he clearly thought better of it and turned his back on Kurt again.

"You shouldn't have wasted your time." Kurt sighed, walking over to the bed and put a hand on Blaine's shoulder.

"I don't think I'm wasting my time. I wanted to make sure you were okay…" Kurt began.

"Well obviously _that_ isn't the case." Kurt sighed, shaking his head.

"I get that you're upset about something, Blaine, but do you really have to take it out on me? I'm trying to be a friend here… and honestly, if you'd let me I'd like to be more than just a friend. But I can't do that if you're going to push me away…" Kurt watched as Blaine's shoulders slowly began shaking. "I know you're upset, okay? But please stop taking it out on everyone else. We just want to help you." Kurt carefully put his hand back on Blaine's shoulder.

"I'm just so tired of everyone trying to force me to talk… that's all anyone wants me to talk about."

"We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to talk about. I'm your friend, not your therapist," Kurt replied with a smile. He watched as Blaine finally rolled back over onto his back so that they were face to face. "Hey."

"Hey." Kurt carefully balanced himself on the side of the bed, reaching out and taking one of Blaine's hands in his own. It was hard to ignore the dark, hardened skin on the boy's fingers, but Kurt had a feeling it was probably better not to bring attention to Blaine's current condition. "I know it's gross… you don't have to touch it."

"It's not that bad," Kurt replied, gently squeezing the other boy's hand. "Are you okay, though? Really?"

"I just want a break from being asked to constantly work on something or talk about something that I'm not ready to deal with. I just need some time to relax and to rest for a change… I can't… every time I try to think about what happened while I was drugged, I feel so sick. I can't even get past leaving the cabin without wanting to throw up."

"Have you tried to explain that to Lisa?" Kurt watched as Blaine shook his head.

"She would just use it as a reason to try and make me talk about it. Because clearly, if it makes me that sick it's something that needs to be worked through. But it's impossible… I can't do this. I can't talk about it, and I feel like this whole rehab thing isn't helping at all. I just… I just want to be left alone about everything. I want to just spend time with you and not have to deal with everything else that's going on. I want to be able to have a normal life, even if it's just for a little while."

Kurt leaned over, pressing a gentle kiss against Blaine's lips. "God, I've missed being able to do that." Kurt let his forehead rest against Blaine's for a moment, smiling at the other boy.

"You still want to kiss me? Even when I'm like this?" Blaine asked.

"I haven't been able to kiss you for weeks… of course I want to." Kurt leaned in and pressed another quick kiss against Blaine's lips. "I've already stuck around this long… why do you think I would give up on us now?" Kurt leaned back to see Blaine smile.

"There's an us now?"

"If you want there to be," Kurt replied. "I really like you, Blaine. I was so far from okay when I met you… I didn't think I could ever be okay again. And I'm still not 'fixed' or whatever it is they want to do with us at Mountainview. But… you make me happy. And I haven't been happy in a long, long time." Kurt watched as a smile slowly crept across Blaine's face.

"I really make you happy?"

"Really. Really, really ridiculously happy." Kurt smiled as Blaine sat up and wrapped an arm around his waist, leaning in for another kiss.

"I've spent my whole life being taught that no one cares… my mom left me, and my dad quit loving me as soon as he found out I wasn't perfect, long before he tried to kill me or whatever all of this was. It's just… it's not so easy, believing that there's actually someone out there who could care about me."

"_I_ care. I really do. And I hope that you can care, too."

"I do." Kurt smiled as Blaine looked him in the eye for a moment. "I just don't really know what all of this means, or how to process this. This whole relationship thing is completely foreign to me, and I sort of have the worst possible model to follow in my life. I don't even know if I _can_ fall in love with someone."

Kurt pressed another kiss against Blaine's forehead, sighing. "I know. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to get to know what it feels like to be in love."

"We're so fucked up… maybe that's what makes us perfect for each other."

* * *

Blaine didn't remember falling asleep, but he knew before he even opened his eyes that for once, he was actually happy. It was kind of dumb, at least in his mind, but just feeling someone else in the bed next to him was nice. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Just for a little while," Kurt commented.

"'m sorry," Blaine replied, forcing his eyes open and turning his head so that he was looking at Kurt. He smiled slightly. "I should have stayed awake since you were here."

"It's okay. I enjoyed just being here with you, even if you were asleep for a while," Kurt replied. Blaine leaned in and pressed a kiss against Kurt's lips quickly. "What was that for?"

"For sticking with me through all of this. For actually giving a shit about me…"

"A lot of people care about you around here, Blaine."

"I know… I know that Jack and Ian and Lisa and everyone else are doing this for my own good, because they actually care about me. But it's nice to have someone who cares but isn't constantly telling me what I need to do for a change. To have someone just _be_ here and relax with me for a little while." Blaine smiled as he felt Kurt starting to play with his hair.

"I'm here because I love you." Blaine raised an eyebrow. "I think I'm ready to admit that now… that I love you. Maybe not the romantic way. Not yet. But I really do have feelings for you, and I want what's best for you…"

"Please don't start acting like all of the adults around me," Blaine whispered, closing his eyes.

"I'm not going to do that, okay? I just want you to know that I'm here for you, and that I'll be here for you. But I really hope you'll at least think about working with them… you know they just want to help you."

"I know. I just need time to get used to all of this. Being here… it's rough. And I just still don't have the energy to do it all like I'm supposed to," Blaine replied, cuddling closer to Kurt. "I just can't do everything everyone wants me to do right now. I can't keep up with all of it. I've barely got enough energy to keep up with what I have to do for rehab, let alone worrying about all of this other stuff." Blaine could feel Kurt sighing as he let his head roll over to rest on the older boy's chest. "It's frustrating. I _want_ to be okay… I don't want to feel like I'm fucked up and like I can't be fixed. But that's how I feel right now, and I'm too exhausted to deal with this."

"Okay." Blaine closed his eyes as he heard the word. "What can I do to help you?"

"Just… stick around. Come see me when you can. Just _be_ here for me. What you've been doing all along." Blaine smiled slightly as Kurt pressed a kiss against his temple.

"Of course… I don't plan on leaving you alone with this, okay? I'm here for you." Blaine looked up as he heard a knock on the door, just as Jack ducked his head into the room.

"Sorry, guys… but it's getting late and I need to take Kurt back to campus now."

Blaine couldn't really help pouting as Kurt slowly extricated himself from Blaine's bed and his arms. The last thing Blaine wanted to do was let Kurt leave when they were in the middle of actually talking about their relationship and where they stood. But he knew that he wasn't going to be able to convince Jack to let Kurt stay longer.

"I'll come back soon, okay?"

"When?" Blaine asked, looking more at Jack than at Kurt.

"You want Kurt to come back?" Jack asked. He didn't sound surprised; it seemed like Jack just wanted to make sure that it was okay for him to bring the older boy back.

"I don't want him to leave," Blaine replied. He knew it wasn't exactly an answer to the question Jack had asked, but it was the truth. He was tired of being left alone for most of the night, without anyone there to hold him when he woke up crying or panicking.

The nurses were great and always came when he really needed them, but he wasn't comfortable enough with any of them to feel okay with asking for that kind of comfort. He didn't know these people – not really. They had been around all the time over the past few weeks, but he rarely dealt with the same person two days in a row other than the physical therapy staff and it was difficult for him to trust any of them well enough to confide in them.

"I'll figure out a good time for Kurt to come back and visit you again. Really soon, okay?" Blaine nodded, smiling as Jack put a hand on his shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"Just tired," Blaine replied, letting his eyes close as Kurt was putting on his coat. Despite the fact that he'd just woken up from a nap, Blaine was still really tired.

"We'll leave you to get some rest, then. And we'll be back soon." Blaine nodded, with a smile spreading across his face as he felt Kurt press a kiss against his forehead.

"Goodnight, Blaine."

"'Night."


	44. Big Decisions

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So I know this chapter is short, but by the time I finished this particular conversation I felt as though it was done. I'm still working on this story, although I keep getting sidetracked by another idea – though I honestly don't know if I'll publish it, since it's pretty out of character based on what's been happening on the show recently. Speaking of which, all I'm going to say about this week's episode is 206. :)**

Blaine stared down at his hands, not really even seeing the skin. He was so used to it looking dark and bruised from the cold, but they were finally lightening up enough to look at least somewhat flesh-colored. But that was the last thing on his mind at that moment; Blaine had to deal with Lisa, and this time he knew that he needed to actually talk to her.

"I'm sorry." Blaine couldn't bring himself to look up from his hands.

"What for?"

"For being so rude last week. I wasn't mad at you…"

"I know you weren't. You've had a lot going on these past few weeks, and you needed to let out your anger and frustration on someone. I was pushing you to do something else you weren't ready to do, and I was an obvious target."

"I still didn't have any right…"

"Whether you were right or not, that was something you needed. Trust me, it happens. And it's only a problem if you aren't capable of moving past that anger and frustration – if you let that pain take control of your life. Clearly you aren't doing that." Blaine nodded at Lisa's explanation of why she wasn't upset with him. He didn't fully understand, but he was thankful that she hadn't been upset with him for not talking about what was bothering him.

"Is it bad that we've been so focused on my dad, and how he fucked me up, that I haven't even _thought_ about the fact that my mother hasn't even tried to check on me? Not once, this entire time… like I'm not worth bothering with."

"Do you think she even knows where you are?"

Blaine shrugged in response to the question. "I haven't heard anything from her in years… not since I was a kid. She left, and she never looked back. She was supposed to pick me up from school and she just never showed up. I waited for hours for her to come for me, but she never did. She didn't even tell anyone she was leaving…" Blaine looked down at his hands, picking at some of the thickened skin around his thumbnails.

"But you lived with her for a while…?"

"She had herself together for a little while… got a job, and an apartment, and got back in contact with my dad. And we were close. But then everything happened with Dan and the Sadie Hawkins dance and we were back in court… and I never heard from her again after my dad brought me back to Colorado." Blaine closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I think that was worse than having her leave the first time, because this time when she let me go, she knew who I was. And she knew how much she hurt me when she left the first time…"

"Blaine, have you ever tried to contact your mother yourself?"

"I've never gotten a chance… my dad wouldn't let me write to her or anything like that. I'm not really sure that I _want_ to contact her… she didn't care enough to fight when my dad took away her right to custody. She was barely holding on after the whole Sadie Hawkins thing went down… I don't know if I want to be part of that…"

"And that's your decision. At this point, you have a right to choose whether or not you want to have any contact with either of our parents… but you should think about what _you_ want from them and whether or not your parents are going to be able to be part of your life in those ways." Blaine nodded, sighing. "Are you too tired to continue?"

"I'm okay. I just… I know what I want from my mother, but I don't think she's going to be able to help me. She has enough problems of her own, without me adding to them…"

"What is it that you want from her?"

"I want a mother… I want someone to take care of me when I'm sick, and to be here and tell me that everything's going to be okay. I want her to just _be_ here for me."

"What makes you think she won't be able to do that?" Lisa asked.

"She has her own problems… she had an eating disorder when I was a kid, and she admitted she'd been doing drugs when she left. I think she might have gone back to all of that when I got hurt… she never even came to the hospital to see me. And I don't know if it was that she didn't want to see me, or if my dad wouldn't let her, or what was going on…" Blaine felt Lisa putting a hand on his shoulder. "Part of me wants to contact her, to see if she's okay and to try and let her back into my life. But I'm also terrified that she _won't_ want to be part of my life, or that she'll tell me to leave her alone, that I don't think I could go through with it…"

"It's your choice," Lisa commented. "But know that you'll have our support, whatever you choose to do and whatever happens because of it. I know that Jack and Ian would agree with me – if you ever feel that you need to contact your mother, then we'll help you with that."

"And if I don't?"

"Then that's your decision, and we'll support you in that. Our primary concern is for you to be comfortable with whatever decision you make. Your well-being is our number one priority." Blaine nodded, biting down on his bottom lip. "You don't have to choose now, you know. You can take your time, really think about what you want to do about all of this."

"I… I want to have her back. But I don't think I'm ready to deal with the possibilities yet." Blaine opened his eyes, watching as Lisa nodded.

"And that's fine… when you're ready, we'll help you figure out what you need to do."

"I… I think I just want to get some rest. I'm tired, and I sort of want to think about what we've talked about." Blaine watched as Lisa nodded.

"Okay… I definitely don't want to push you too much today. But I think it might be good for you to think about the reasons why you're afraid to contact your mother and write them down." Blaine closed his eyes as Lisa got up and started to get ready to leave.

"If it were you… would you contact her?" Blaine asked, opening his eyes and watching as Lisa thought for a moment.

"I don't think I know enough about your relationship with your mother or what's happened in the past to answer that question. It's something that you're going to have to decide for yourself."


	45. Blaine's Journal 6

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So… school's still insane. But Spring Break is coming up shortly and it looks as though I'm staying home and working that week, so I should hopefully have some time to write then as well. I've been a bit preoccupied with some other writing ideas (most of which will never be published on this site, because they're a little out of date at this point), but I'm determined to finish this one out. It's just going to take some time. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!**

March 20, 2012

I know I'm an asshole. This is me apologizing again, because I know that Lisa is going to read this and I do really feel bad about the things I said to her. I was stressed out and upset, but that doesn't mean it was okay for me to be so rude.

I know that isn't what Lisa wants me to write about, though – she's ready to forgive and forget, even though I don't think I deserve to be forgiven just yet. She's more concerned with my relationship with my mother and whether or not I'm ready to contact her. And I don't have an answer for that. I'm not sure if I can forgive her for abandoning me when I needed her most. Because no matter how much I may try to deny that I need anyone, I _did_ need her to be there for me. I thought she actually cared about me… but she was just like everyone else I met before I came to Mountainview. She only looked out for herself, and she only cared about what I could do for her.

I don't know why I'm even thinking about this, honestly. Logically, I know it's probably not a good idea. My mother's hurt me before – not the same way my father has, but she's still been part of fucking me up. If she loved me, why wouldn't she have fought when my dad had her custody rights revoked? Why hasn't she bothered to do anything to contact me and _tell_ me what happened?

Part of me wants to believe that my dad had something to do with all of it – that he somehow cut her out of my life without me even realizing he was doing it. Not that it would have been all that hard. I've spent so much of the last few years drugged up or drunk off my ass, there's no telling what I've missed. Not to mention that I was always trying to avoid my dad as much as possible… I couldn't deal with him. At least, I couldn't deal with him when I was sober. He was just so awful all the time, and I couldn't do it. I couldn't sit there and listen to him tear me apart over and over again for things I couldn't help.

I have a hard time trusting people, and I'm pretty sure that it's my dad's fault. I should have been able to trust him, but I never could. And now I don't really trust anyone… or at least I didn't. I still have a hard time trusting people I've known for a while at Mountainview, but at least I'm trying. I _want_ to be able to trust people not to screw me over or something, but it's all I've known for so long that I'm not sure if I can ever fully trust anyone.

I'm starting to really trust Jack and Ian. And Katie. I feel like I can believe anything they tell me. And I know that I can trust Kurt. But… other than the four of them, and Lisa and Jana, I don't know anyone that will look out for me. I mean, if I were to let my mother back into my life, I don't know that I could really trust her. How can I ever believe her when she says that she loves me, when I know that she didn't fight to keep me with her back in Ohio? How can I know that she's telling me the truth when she couldn't even do that much to show me that she loved me?

I know I probably sound ridiculous talking like that, but it's how I really feel. I shouldn't have to always second-guess my own mother's intentions. I shouldn't have to worry about whether or not she's going to have her life together enough to be part of mine. I should be in high school, living with at least one of my parents, and a hell of a lot happier than I am right now. I mean, I'm happier at Mountainview than I ever remember being at home. But that doesn't change the fact that my parents really fucked me up. Call it depression or whatever you want, but sometimes it feels like I'm not meant to be happy – like everything good that happens to me _has_ to be followed by something that's completely shitty. Like I finally found real friends and a place that I felt at home, but then my dad had to show up and ruin everything. And now I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to the one place I've actually wanted to stay in the past few years.

This isn't what you wanted me to write, I know. You wanted me to think about why I was hesitant to have my mother in my life again. And maybe it's all connected somehow and I'm just not seeing it clearly. Or maybe I just needed to write everything I'm feeling down because I haven't been able to do that for so long. Maybe I'm not supposed to understand where all of this is coming from yet. All I know is that the more I think about it, the less I want to be in contact with my mother. One day I might be able to forgive her for what she did – or really, what she didn't do. And maybe one day I'll even be able to tell her that I love her without having to lie about it. But for right now I don't think I can do either, and I don't think I want to see her until I can.


	46. I Love You

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: Don't hate me because it's short. I've put a good bit of time into this chapter, and I'm happy with it. I hope that y'all are, too!**

Kurt couldn't help being nervous as Ian's car pulled into the parking lot of the rehab hospital. It had been a week or so since he'd seen Blaine, and Kurt had heard that things had changes pretty significantly since then. But Jack and Ian weren't telling him what was going on.

"You really aren't going to tell me what's going on?"

"Blaine wants to tell you himself," Ian replied, smirking at him. Kurt sighed, rolling his eyes. That was the only response he'd gotten all day as he'd waited for this moment. "It's good news, okay? That's all I'm allowed to tell you. Besides, you'll know what's going on in a few minutes."

Kurt followed Ian into the hospital, a little surprised when the turned away from Blaine's room. "Why aren't we going to see Blaine?"

"We are… he isn't in his room right now," Ian replied. Kurt raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything as he followed the man down the hall. They walked into a room that reminded him more of a living room than a hospital room. Kurt was surprised to see Blaine sitting on one of the couches, watching a television show with a couple of other patients – the majority of whom were quite a bit older than the curly-haired boy.

"It's just a movie…" Blaine began, talking to the woman sitting next to him on the couch.

"It's disturbing… those _things_ are disgusting looking…" Kurt watched as Blaine smiled and shook his head.

"Zombies… and I agree, they're pretty gross looking. But they're interesting. And I don't think that's going to be a scary movie… it looks kind of funny to me."

"You kids always love weird movies like that… I don't know that I'll ever understand what you see in all of those scary movies," the woman replied, shaking her head with a smile.

"Blaine…" Kurt smiled as Blaine looked up at the sound of Ian's voice.

"Excuse me, ladies… my best friend is here," Blaine commented. Kurt was surprised when the boy stood up and grabbed a pair of crutches before he slowly walked over to where they were standing – something Kurt hadn't expected.

"You're walking…"

"Yeah, finally." Kurt smiled as Blaine stopped, smiling at him. "I mean, I _am_ working my ass off around here trying to get better… pretty sure it's about time to see some results."

"Did you know?" Kurt asked, turning to look at Ian.

"He wanted to show you himself," Ian replied. "Why don't you boys head back to Blaine's room? I have a couple of errands to run, and then I'll come back to pick you up." Kurt nodded at the man's suggestion, letting Blaine take the lead because he knew the hospital better than Kurt did.

"So… do you think you'll be able to get out of here soon?"

"I don't know… they just let me start walking around outside of therapy sessions a couple of days ago. And I really just want to get better at this point. I don't really know what's going to happen when I get out of here, since I can't really go back to Mountainview. I know Jack and Ian are talking about me living with them, but I don't know what's going on with that. I don't even know if the state would let that happen."

"Why wouldn't they let you stay with Jack and Ian? I mean, if anyone knows what's going on with your health and everything it's them. And they really care about you… Jack's in the process of finding someone to replace him at school so that he can stay at home when you get out of the hospital…"

"I don't want them to change everything about their lives for me…" Kurt stopped, turning to face Blaine.

"They're doing it because they care. You may not realize it now, but this is awesome. You need someone to care about you the way they do… you _deserve_ to have someone who actually cares about you for a change," Kurt replied.

"I… I know that. But… I can't help feeling like I'm imposing somehow. Like they're just letting me move in with them because they feel sorry for me or something…" Kurt reached out and put a hand on Blaine's shoulder, shaking his head. "I know you're going to say I'm overreacting, and you're probably right about that, but I just worry that in a couple of months this is all going to be over."

"You know they aren't going to give up on you, Blaine… they care too much, and they've put too much effort into helping you get this far. They wouldn't abandon you now, when you've become part of their lives." Kurt watched as Blaine closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I _want_ to believe that…" Kurt followed as Blaine started towards his room again, moving slowly. "I just… you know how hard it is for me to trust anyone. And I'm really struggling with it right now because Lisa's started talking to me about contacting my mother."

"Is that even something you're interested in?"

"I thought about it… I really did. But I just don't know that I'm ready to forgive her for abandoning me so many times. And I'm not sure that I can contact her or let her be in my life until I'm able to forgive her. I can't trust her."

Kurt sighed as Blaine walked into his hospital room and headed straight for the bed. "I would kill for the chance to have my mom in my life again…"

"You know that's different… your mother didn't _choose_ to leave. She didn't give up on even contacting you without explanation…"

"I know that… I just think you shouldn't completely cut her out of your life without giving her a second chance. You never know when you might end up not having the option to have her in your life."

"Is it worth having her in my life if I can't trust her?"

"I can't answer that… I just think that you might regret not giving her another chance one day."

"Can we talk about something other than my mother, please?" Blaine asked. Kurt smiled as the boy curled up in his bed with his back to the doorway. Kurt closed the door and walked over to the bed, curling up behind the other boy and wrapping an arm around Blaine's waist.

"I'm sorry… I didn't want to upset you."

"I was upset about the whole situation before we started talking about it. And I was the one that brought it up. I just… I didn't realize that you wouldn't understand what I was going through with all of this."

"I just don't want you to regret that decision later… you have enough baggage from your parents already. You don't need more of that kind of stress and pain."

"How do you know that contacting her won't cause me more stress? You don't know what's going on with her any more than I do right now… for all I know, she might not even _want_ to have anything to do with me. And that's going to hurt a hell of a lot if it's the truth…" Kurt sighed.

"I know… there's no way to know what will happen if you decide to contact your mother." Kurt pressed a kiss against Blaine's cheek. "I just want you to be happy, okay? Whatever that means… whatever you decide to do."

"But you think I should contact her, don't you?"

"I just worry that always wondering about how she would respond to you is going to be too much…" Kurt replied. "I want you to be okay, and I want you to find a reason to be happy for a change." Kurt smiled as Blaine took his hand and twined their fingers together.

"I'm happy when you're around…" Blaine began.

"Having you around makes me happy, too. Which is part of why I want to make sure that you aren't going to regret this decision." Kurt watched as Blaine closed his eyes, sighing.

"I think I'm starting to have feelings for you…" Kurt smiled.

"My feelings haven't changed."

"I sort of figured, since you were still around. I can't imagine anyone sticking around through something like this if they didn't care," Blaine replied. "I know that you're going back to Ohio before long… but I want to be with you. I think… I think I might love you. Which probably sounds crazy because of the whole situation, but it's the truth."

Kurt pulled the younger boy a little closer as Blaine spoke. "I want that, too… I want to be with you more than anything else." Kurt gently buried his nose in Blaine's hair. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Kurt smiled. "Can we just stay like this for a while? I like having you close like this."

"I'm willing to stay like this for as long as I'm here."


	47. Snowed In

_Disclaimer_: I don't own Glee, obviously. I just have fun taking what RIB have created & using it for my own amusement – which I naturally share with all of my fellow Gleeks. I make no profit from any of this, unless the fun I get to have counts in some way…

**A/n: So… yeah. I wrote another chapter for this. And a chapter for another story that I'm starting on. And a ton of schoolwork, but what's new about that one? Enjoy!**

Blaine was surprised when he woke up with Kurt's arms still around him, even though it was significantly later than Kurt should have been off campus. But they were still alone in his hospital room, and Blaine was confused. Ian had _said_ he was going to come back for Kurt, but he clearly hadn't come back yet. Blaine shifted slightly, nudging Kurt in the ribs to wake him up.

"Did we fall asleep?"

"Yeah… it's really late, I'm surprised Ian hasn't come back yet…" Blaine replied, turning over so that he could actually look at Kurt. "It's kind of weird… I figured you were supposed to be back on campus before light's out, but that was a couple of hours ago…" Blaine was surprised when Kurt shot up in bed to check the clock.

"Oh God… you're right…" Blaine watched as Kurt scrambled to his feet.

"Kurt… what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to find a phone, and I'm going to call Ian's cell phone and find out what's going on," Kurt replied. Blaine got to his feet, grabbing his crutches and starting to follow the older boy across the room and out towards the front desk. "What if something happened to Ian?"

"Don't jump to any conclusions, okay? Maybe there's a logical explanation for all of this…" Blaine replied. Honestly, he hoped that he was right. The last thing either of them really needed was to worry about what had happened to Ian.

Blaine watched in silence as Kurt dialed the phone number, biting down on his bottom lip. It didn't take long for it to be answered. "Ian… no, nothing's really wrong. I just thought you were going to pick me up a few hours ago… Yeah, yeah, I can do that…"

"What's going on?" Blaine asked, before Kurt even had a chance to finish the conversation. He couldn't help smiling as Kurt put a hand up to shush him.

"Yeah, we'll be fine… See you later…" Blaine watched as Kurt put the phone down, an eyebrow raised. "Snow. Apparently it started up after Ian left here and got pretty bad. He got a hotel room on the other side of town, and as soon as the roads are clear he'll be back to pick me up and take me back to campus."

"So… we're snowed in? In March? That… doesn't sound right." Blaine watched as Kurt shrugged his shoulders, burying his hands into his pockets and starting back towards Blaine's room.

"We should probably go get some more sleep," Kurt replied. "It's ridiculously early in the morning, and I kind of want to cuddle with you some more…" Blaine smiled at the idea, following Kurt back down the hall. He hadn't really expected to be able to spend the whole night with Kurt, but he certainly wasn't going to say no to it.

Blaine's bed wasn't exactly designed for two people, but they managed to curl up together relatively comfortably, with Blaine's head tucked under Kurt's chin. "Your curls tickle my nose," Kurt giggled.

"I like this… it's comfortable," Blaine replied. He closed his eyes with a slight smile, cuddling closer to the older boy.

"I like you."

"I like you, too." Blaine couldn't help laughing slightly at the odd comments they'd come up with in the middle of the night. "Are we weird?"

"I think we're so _beyond_ weird at this point," Kurt replied. "It's two o'clock in the morning… we should be asleep right now."

"Kurt, our 'nap' was long enough that we could probably count it as a full night's sleep."

"But… it's a ridiculous hour to be awake. Especially when we're probably going to have to do stuff tomorrow." Blaine ignored the other boy's argument, letting his hand play with the hem of Kurt's tee shirt. "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking advantage of the fact that we have some time along together when no one is going to interrupt us. But you can stop me whenever…" Blaine replied, smiling.

"You're going to get us into trouble…" Kurt muttered.

"With who? There's no one here to get upset with us for breaking the rules, Kurt. It's in the middle of the night, Ian's snowed in somewhere else. And you're… you're gorgeous. And you're kind of driving me crazy…"

"The good way?"

"Yeah… the good way. And I… I'm not ready to do anything crazy. But I think I'm ready to at least think about moving forward with all of this. I…"

"I love you." Blaine smiled, moving his head so that he could look up at Kurt again.

"I love you, too."

"But we should sleep…" Blaine sighed, closing his eyes.

"When are we going to have an opportunity to do any of this again, though?"

"I graduate in May…"

"And then you'll be going back to Ohio. And I'll be stuck back here, on my own. Without you."

"You'll have Jack and Ian…" Kurt began.

"If I'm even allowed to stay with them… the state can do whatever they want with me at this point. We don't get to choose what happens to me at this point, and we may not get a chance like this again," Blaine replied. He closed his eyes, feeling Kurt's lips pressing against his forehead.

"They would be stupid to make you live with someone else – Jack and Ian know what's best for you. And you have a history of running away from situations you aren't happy with."

"Kurt… how the _hell_ would I run away now? My hands and feet are screwed up and I'm still struggling to walk after all of that." Blaine curled closer to Kurt in the bed. "I don't like that I don't have any control… I can't protect myself if something goes wrong. And I can't run away. I don't have the option to just get out if someone tries to hurt me the way my dad did. It's so frustrating…" Blaine could feel Kurt squeezing him closer with a tight hug.

"I wish there was something I could do to fix it."

* * *

Kurt wanted to fall asleep after his talk with Blaine, but he couldn't really stop himself from thinking about everything that Blaine had told him. It was scary to him; Kurt wasn't used to having someone come to him like that, baring their soul as if Kurt could somehow help them. And the worst part of it all was that Kurt had _no idea_ what to do for Blaine – he couldn't fix the boy's feet, or do anything about the fact that Blaine was a ward of the state and would be for a while longer. Kurt was just as helpless as Blaine was through all of this.

Kurt watched silently as Blaine slept, a hand softly stroking the boy's curls as his mind worked through all of the possibilities for what might happen in the near future. He couldn't help worrying. Blaine was right, after all – he couldn't protect himself by running away anymore, and if anything went wrong in the future that could be potentially problematic.

The sun was coming up before Kurt could even think about closing his eyes to go back to sleep. He'd barely closed his eyes before Blaine was shifting around in the bed as if he was about to wake up. "Go back to sleep…" Kurt murmured, wrapping his arms a little tighter around the younger boy.

"But I've been sleeping for hours… even the sun's up now," Blaine replied. Kurt smiled, opening his eyes.

"Maybe you did. I couldn't… I kept thinking about the conversation we were having before you fell asleep."

"I didn't mean to upset you…"

"Don't apologize… I wasn't upset, I was just worrying about some of the possibilities we discussed. I don't want anything bad to happen to you, and you brought up some really valid points." Kurt let his fingers twine into Blaine's curls again, gently rubbing small circles against the boy's scalp. "I wish there was something more I could do…"

"I don't expect you to fix things for me, Kurt. I know there really isn't anything you can do, and I don't want you to stress out trying to think of solutions. It isn't your job…"

"I can't help but want to fix it, though… I want to help you. I love you." Kurt watched as Blaine bit down on his bottom lip.

"You keep saying that, but sometimes I wonder how you can love me…"

"Blaine…"

"Really, Kurt. I don't feel like I've given you any reason to stick around – and I don't even know how to have a healthy relationship with anyone, Kurt. I have no example to follow, I don't even know if I'm capable of _doing_ this. And I _want_ to be with you and to tell you that I love you…"

"Then do it, Blaine," Kurt interrupted, shifting so that he could look Blaine directly in the eye. "Just tell me you love me and be with me, and worry about everything else later."

"I could never forgive myself if I did something to hurt you," Blaine replied.

"I don't care… you have to realize, at this point we're both going to get hurt. Whether we end things now or later. We're too far into this… whatever it is. We aren't going to be able to end things without some kind of pain. And I'd much rather be able to spend some time being happy with you." Kurt leaned in, pressing a soft kiss against Blaine's lips. "I know it's going to hurt, okay? I get that. But I can handle it."

"Kurt… I've done nothing but hurt and disappoint everyone in my life…"

"The people you've disappointed aren't worth pleasing… your father wouldn't have been happy, no matter who you were. And all of those therapists and centers he sent you to before you came to Mountainview wanted you to be something that you _can't_ be. Not if you're ever going to be happy. You can't let their opinions stress you out, Blaine. They don't matter."

"_You_ matter." Kurt sighed, shaking his head and smiling.

"And I love you just the way you are. No matter how broken you may think you are, I love _you_."

"It's hard to forget the things they said…" Blaine began. Kurt shook his head again.

"The only opinions that matter come from the people who really care about you, Blaine. Everyone else – they said those things for their own reasons. Because it made them feel good, because they had unrealistic expectations of the world, whatever. But they didn't know who you were. They didn't want to get to know how amazing you are. And they can all go fuck themselves, for all I care, because they were all totally wrong about you."

"It's hard to change the way you think about things like that… when all you've ever known is being put down for something about yourself that you have no control over," Blaine replied.

"Trust me, I know. It's part of why I'm going to keep saying it, over and over again until you understand. I love you, with all of your flaws. And I don't think you need to change. I don't _want_ you to change. And anyone who does expect you to change who you are needs to go fuck themselves." Kurt held Blaine close, hoping that his words would stick. He knew that Blaine needed someone to be there for him, and Kurt felt as though he needed to be that person for Blaine.

"I do love you," Blaine finally replied, taking Kurt's hand and squeezing it gently. "But it's hard to admit that when I know it just makes things more complicated for everyone." Kurt smiled.

"You might feel that way, but that doesn't make it true."


End file.
